The Smell of Sunscreen
by Maddz4Hetalia
Summary: Matthew's never really had a friend before. He's never wanted a Prince Charming to save him from his rough home. He can handle himself, after all! But Gilbert is a stubborn thing, and soon, Matthew finds himself being rescued despite all protests. But, Matthew quickly learns that it's Gilbert who really needs the saving, even if he won't admit it. Graphic. Suicidal. Language.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I completely forgot to add an AN when I first posted this. Um, so, this is the first chapter of my story! I wasn't sure if I should continue this or not, so I want to know what you all think! If you like it, please leave a review with your thoughts. I want to know what you all think about this and whether you'll continue reading it if I continue!

...

The first day; that very first day you step through those doors, upperclassman towering over you, face rough with acne and acne scars... Misery didn't even describe it. Well, for everyone else. For Matthew, the first day represented paradise. Away from home, away from cleaning and his mother and that damned stove that cooked unevenly... The first day of high school for Matthew Williams doubled as the first day of the rest of his life, and he refused to complain.

As with the rest of the freshman, Matthew had attended the freshman orientation day and received his schedule then. It took up the fetal position in his pocket, all folded up, probably suffocating beneath the layers of clothes: the tight denim of Matthew's jeans, the light fabric of a long t-shirt, and the heavy cloth of his sweatshirt. As Matthew had guessed, when he pulled it out of his pocket it looked a crumpled mess and the edges had torn. The ink had smeared a bit and some parts looked discolored- he'd accidentally spilled his hot chocolate on it this morning- but he could still read it, thank whoever listened to these prayers, and the Canadian found himself capable of reading the name and room number of his first class.

By not paying attention, Matthew had somehow managed to get in the way of an upperclassman. The bulky arms, thick chest, broad shoulders, and the jersey screamed "jock" and Matthew stepped out of the taller boy's way without protest. He received a glare from the athlete and an irritated grunt, but otherwise he blessed Matthew by leaving him alone and the jock continued on his way.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Matthew carefully made his way towards the B Wing of the school. The school he went to held the shape of an E. There was a main hallway that attached the wings together called A Wing, and the rest of the wings were labeled B Wing, C Wing, and D Wing. There also was an F wing, which really just existed as an extension of the A Wing, and it had the gymnasium, auditorium, cafeteria, and music rooms. Each wing went up two stories except for the F Wing, and Matthew slowly made his way up the stairs in the B Wing, going with the current of students finding their lockers and friends and classmates. Matthew himself had already found his locker and stashed his extra belongings in there, and he didn't have any friends to meet up with anyway. He did, though, wave shyly to his cousin, Alfred, who hooted a reply and bounded clumsily towards him; he swung an arm around Matthew's shoulders and made him stumble.

"Mattie!" Alfred yelled, making the quieter of the two flinch from the loud noise so close to his ear.

"Hello, Al," he said, trying to make his naturally soft voice a bit louder so Alfred could hear him over the sound of chattering students. The heavy footfall on the stairs sounded as loud as thunder to Matthew's ears, but maybe Matthew's ears had just adjusted to the quiet of the long summer.

"What's your first class? Parenting? Dude, that's so gay!" Alfred laughed obnoxiously, only stopping when Arthur, his boyfriend of two years, grabbed Alfred by the earlobe and hauled him off Matthew, who had begun to hunch over from Alfred's weight.

Arthur was short in stature, but not overly so, and it was only because he hadn't hit his growth spurt yet, unlike Alfred who had been an early bloomer and towered almost six feet tall. His hair stuck up all over his head in messy spikes and he had ridiculously thick eyebrows, but his deep emerald eyes made up for it and made him beautiful in his own way. His body stood thin, lanky really; he had a lot of muscle, but it wasn't as bulky as Alfred's traditional football player looks. The small Brit tugged on Alfred's ear again, making Matthew's cousin hiss in pain. "Don't pick on the poor boy, and don't use 'gay' as an insult. _You're _gay, you brute." Arthur stuck his nose up, chin held high.

Alfred whined, but Matthew could see the affection in his pained smile. "Sorry, Artie."

"Don't call me Artie," Arthur growled with another yank, making Alfred yelp.

Matthew hid a giggle behind his hand, and Arthur smiled charmingly at him, letting go of Alfred to give Matthew a quick hug around his middle, which Matthew returned. "It's good to see you, Matthew; how was your summer?"

"It was pleasant," Matthew said politely, cheeks a bit pink; he wasn't used to getting this much attention. "I spent most of it at the ice rink, practicing hockey."

"Glad to see you still have all your teeth," Arthur said in good humor, causing Matthew to smile. "I've got to get your cousin here to class or else he'll get lost or distracted or both. I'll see you around, yeah?"

Matthew nodded firmly, still smiling. "Absolutely," the Canadian said, and Arthur and Alfred went on their way as Alfred called out his goodbye to Matthew, stumbling behind his British boyfriend. The quiet Canadian watched with some amusement before he began making his way to his first class, the light blues of the hallway helping him relax a bit more.

Parenting; not something male students usually signed up for, but Matthew thought it could be helpful, and the psychology of children had always fascinated him. So, the first class- which started in over thirty minutes, but Matthew had always been an early bird- for Matthew to find was Parenting 101. As he'd thought it would be so early in the morning, the classroom laid empty besides the teacher, who wrote on the board with an unbreakable focus. Each desk came with two chairs, and Matthew found one in the center of the classroom to place his bags on. When he glanced up, he read that whoever sat next to him would serve as his partner for the semester. He and his partner would be 'parents' and would have to do all of their projects together. Unconcerned, Matthew only hoped that it wouldn't be someone awful.

Throat feeling a bit scratchy, Matthew cleared it and the teacher jumped almost a foot, obviously frightened as he dropped the pen in his hand.

"Oh! I didn't even see you!" The teacher sputtered, hand on his chest as if it would keep it from thudding right out through the bone and tissue. "Geez you're quiet!"

Matthew only smiled a little, taking his seat and pulling out a book. Today would probably be full of people doing that... But he had grown used to it after so many years.

...

His partner's name: Gilbert Beilschmidt. He stood tall and lanky, cheeks holding just the smallest bit of baby fat that somehow he managed to pull off; white hair and pale skin with ruby eyes, he immediately turned to Matthew and introduced himself as "Gilbert, the albino". Matthew had giggled at that and shook his hand, softly saying his own name, though Gilbert interrupted him in the middle and asked what Matthew's name was. Used to this kind of behavior, Matthew simply spoke a bit louder and started over. "My name is Matthew, Matthew Williams." Gilbert had told him it was a fitting name somehow, but had ended up calling him Birdie the rest of the day.

Matthew wasn't quite sure what to do with the nickname. He didn't know where it had come from or why Gilbert felt a nickname was needed at all, but he didn't protest. If Birdie was what Gilbert felt most comfortable calling him, then Matthew wouldn't complain too much.

Gilbert had a very distinct smell about him that reminded Matthew of summer and beaches and swimming pools. It smelled good, he decided, though he couldn't put his finger on what it was. It certainly didn't smell like cologne; Matthew had always had an allergy to colognes and perfumes, and the smell Gilbert put off didn't make Matthew's lungs tighten up and make him cough. No, the scent made Matthew feel like relaxing by the side of a pool all day. He just... Couldn't put his finger on it.

The class period went by torturously slow; the teacher talked about the syllabus and everything they'd be doing in the class while Gilbert talked nonstop to Matthew about video games and music. Matthew had to admit he had been pleased to hear that Gilbert was a classic rock fan.

"Do you like Metallica?" He asked; this was a test. He was looking for a very specific answer, and if Gilbert passed, Matthew would never be able to dislike him, no matter how obnoxious he seemed to be.

Gilbert snorted, rolling his eyes. "Of course. But only their stuff before 1993."

Matthew's eyes lit up. "Finally, someone who gets it," he breathed, grinning from ear to ear. That proved it; Gilbert wasn't awful.

Gilbert also seemed pleased, nodding his approval. "I think we'll be good friends, Birdie," he said with a small smile, making Matthew flush a light pink. It made Matthew's chest hurt a little to know that most likely, Gilbert wouldn't bother with Matthew after a few more days. Matthew was forgettable, not worth the effort of friendship. But he'd take the few days he'd get.

...

Matthew had been excited to find that Gilbert had all of the same classes as Matthew before lunch started, and Gilbert had seemed to share Matthew's enthusiasm. They sat by each other in every class, sticking with each other even though they were practically strangers. Matthew hadn't minded Gilbert sticking to him, and Gilbert didn't seem to mind it when Matthew stuck to him in return. But when the lunch bell rang, Matthew scurried out of the classroom before Gilbert could talk to him, figuring Gilbert would want to be with his own friends. Matthew didn't mind being alone, anyway.

Generally, Matthew skipped eating lunch, so he went outside to enjoy the sun. Behind the school and wrapped around its flank, a forest grew, the trees thick and dangerous; Matthew knew exactly where he wanted to go for lunch. For the first hundred meters or so, the forest floor had garbage strewn everywhere, evidence of students coming here for lunch and to skip class. After that, though, it slowly thinned out until there were only leaves, pine needles, and the spattered bits of sunlight filtered through the leaves of the treetops. Matthew felt peaceful here, and he found the base of a sturdy oak tree to sit down under.

Only ten minutes had passed when he heard the sounds of someone clumsily crashing through the underbrush. Matthew had always been very graceful on his feet, so he was practically silent walking through the forest. This person could easily be drunk with the crashing and swearing. The Canadian hid behind the tree, figuring it was a couple coming back here to fool around and he should leave to give them their privacy.

But, it was Gilbert, pizza hanging out of his mouth while he batted away a branch.

Matthew chuckled quietly, stepping out from behind the tree to give Gilbert a curious look. The albino looked up and almost dropped his pizza, yelping in surprise and taking a step back. "Holy shit, Matthew, are you a vampire?" He asked, taking his pizza out of his mouth to hold it with his hand.

Matthew couldn't help but to snort. "No, I'm just quiet," said the Canadian, who resumed his previous position, sitting beneath the tree. "What are you doing way out here?"

Gilbert's extremely white cheeks turned a light pink and he shifted a bit on his feet. "Well, I saw you walking out here, so I followed you so I could hang out with you. I mean, you're a really nice guy, so... I figured you wouldn't mind."

Silence. All Matthew could hear was the deafening silence as he tried to process what Gilbert had said. He wanted to be out here... With Matthew? Why? Matthew was nothing special. He had perfected the art of invisibility; head down, shoulders hunched, eyes on the floor, hands in pockets, and yet Gilbert still seemed to see him. Matthew was invisible and quiet and no fun at all and a complete failure at pretty much everything except hockey, and Gilbert wanted to hang out with him? On purpose?

"Well... Um, sure, I guess I don't mind. I just figured you'd have other friends besides me," he finally said, glancing up at Gilbert. "I'm not used to hanging out with other people."

"Dude, but you're so cool!" Gilbert shouted, taking his seat beside Matthew. He sat far enough away so that they didn't touch, but close enough to be considered friendly. "And I'm new, I just moved here. I don't really have any other friends. And I'd really like for _you _to be my friend." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "If that's okay with you."

Matthew reached over and took Gilbert's pizza from him, stealing a small bite before he gave it back; Gilbert pouted and let out a loud whine. "Yeah," he said softly, wiping pizza sauce from his mouth with the back of his hand. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Gilbert grinned, handing Matthew the rest of his pizza, which was really just the crust and a thin bit of cheese. "Dude, awesome!" He shouted, pulling a small bottle out of his bag and pouring some white lotion looking cream into his hand. He began rubbing it on his arms and all of his exposed skin, and finally, Matthew realized that Gilbert smelled like sunscreen.

"I'm albino," Gilbert said apologetically, smiling sheepishly at Matthew. "So I get sunburned by just the littlest bit of sunlight and my chances for skin cancer are _way _up. I have to put sunscreen on pretty much every hour, every half hour when I'm outside. Sorry if the smell bugs you; I know it drives me crazy."

The quieter male slowly nodded, watching Gilbert curiously as he finished off the pizza crust. Just before he took the last bite, he murmured, "I like it."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Finally, I got the second chapter finished. I had some help with the ideas for this chapter, and I finally have a plot so I know where the story is going. Mostly, it's just gonna be fluff for a while, fluff and friendship with some angst and sadness mixed in between. But I promise, eventually we'll get there and Matthew and Gilbert will end up together. It'll just take a while and a lot of mistakes for the two of them to figure it out. I'll try to update as often as possible, but I have other, original stories that I'm also working on. I'll try to make every chapter about this long, but if a longer chapter would be better, tell me so I know! Review with your thoughts, your feelings, or even just a simple "omg what"

I love each and every one of you and I'm so happy you're reading this! Keep being beautiful, 'kay?

...

Their time together passed in companionable silence for quite some time. Matthew closed his eyes, leaning back against the rough bark of the tree and enjoying the sounds of the forest: small animals scurrying along the ground with their small feet, the quiet roar of a nearby river as it carved its path through the earth, and the soft clicks of insects high up in the trees... He felt _right_, like he was home.

Gilbert, on the other hand, thought differently.

Gilbert had somehow decided that the silence was too much, and he began whistling and tapping his foot, crunching some dry needles beneath his shoe. "Birdie, I'm bored!" He whined, and Matthew opened his eyes and glared at him, huffing a little in irritation at being interrupted in his moment of peace. "What? I am!"

Matthew couldn't help but to chuckle at Gilbert's antics, even though he was irritated that Gilbert had interrupted such a peaceful moment. Gilbert just wasn't the type to hold still, Matthew found himself learning. "Alright, alright..." Matthew sat up and stretched, then got up, brushing his back to get the dirt and leaves off. "There's a river a couple meters north," he offered. "We could go swimming."

"But then we'd miss our next class..." Gilbert's hands began gesturing towards the school, but Matthew had already begun walking towards the river. He wanted to go swimming. "Birdie, wait!" Gilbert whined, running after Matthew after another second of hesitation. Matthew laughed, turning around to grin at the albino; the Canadian couldn't help but feel a little more confident with his new friend.

"It's just PE, Gil. It's not important," he said, laughing. Gilbert didn't seem to agree, but he followed like a puppy anyway. When the river came into sight, Matthew shrugged off his hoodie, tossing it on a tree branch.

"You'll have to help me put my sunscreen on," Gilbert said with a frown, still making up excuses even as he began removing his shoes, placing them at the base of the trunk. He hesitated only a moment before sliding his t-shirt off, putting it beside Matthew's hoodie.

Matthew just nodded with a roll of his eyes, taking off his own t-shirt and slipping his shoes off. He rolled the stiff legs of his jeans up, and then took his glasses off, setting them inside his shoe for safe keeping. With a dramatic sigh, he held his hand out, waiting for Gilbert to hand him the sunscreen so he could get to work. Gilbert stared at Matthew in confusion before realization dawned on him, and he pulled the sunscreen out of his shorts pocket and handed it to the taller Canadian. "I only need help with my back," he said with a small pout, obviously not enjoying needing help. Matthew laughed in good humor, pouring a bit into his hand and gesturing for Gilbert to turn around. Gilbert did as asked, though with a bit of grumbling, and Matthew let his eyes trail admiringly down Gilbert's back. It was pale and muscled, just enough muscle for Matthew's tastes. Matthew licked his lips; it had always been a secret that he preferred men. He got enough bullies as it was, and coming out of the closet definitely wouldn't help him make any friends. Especially when he'd just made a new friend of Gilbert, who he was currently rubbing sunscreen on. Yeah, that'd be an awkward topic to bring up at the moment.

"All done," Matthew said cheerfully once he had finished, smiling and handing Gilbert back the bottle. "Now do the rest so we can swim."

Gilbert smiled at him, pushing him lightly towards the water. "Well, don't wait on me. Go ahead. I'll be right behind ya!" He began spreading sunscreen along his torso and legs, as well as his shoulders and arms and face and neck. Everything that could be burned was covered in a thick layer of sunscreen, while Matthew pretended he wasn't watching appreciatively. Gilbert had a _lovely _body, and Matthew would allow himself to admire it, even if he didn't see Gilbert at all in a romantic way. Matthew knew a beautiful body when he saw one.

But, Gilbert looked up and scowled when he saw that Matthew was watching, cheeks turning a self-conscious pink. "Hey, don't watch! I told you I'd be right behind you." Even as he spoke, he spread sunscreen along his arms, and Matthew had to turn around to appear polite.

"Fine, fine, but don't take too long," Matthew said softly, voice back to its normal volume now that his confidence began fading away. He slid down the bank and dug his toes into the cool clay of the riverbed, sighing happily. He allowed his body to relax, humming quietly in delight.

His moment of peace was rudely interrupted when a powerful force shoved him forward into the river, and he sucked in a breath before he hit the warm water. "Gilbert, you ass!" He yelled, swimming back to the shore while he watched Gilbert, the culprit, laugh on the river bank.

"You looked so vulnerable, I couldn't help it!" He laughed, holding his abdomen as if his side was about to split open from laughing too hard. "You should've seen your face! _I _should've seen your face, actually..." He stopped laughing for a moment to pout, frowning. "You weren't facing me, so I didn't even get to see it... Dammit. But you did make a pretty cute noise, Birdie."

"Asshole," Matthew grumbled as a response. He dripped on the clay for a short moment, feeling thoroughly like a drowned dog, and quickly lunged at Gilbert, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him back into the water with him. Gilbert let out a very unmanly yelp and tried squirming away even as they fell back into the rushing water.

"Not cool, Birdie, not cool!" He yelled in protest, trying to swim back to the shore while Matthew pulled him towards the middle of the river. The water only went down ten or so feet, so Gilbert wouldn't have to worry too much about drowning, and the widest part of it all was a measly twenty feet, if that. "I'm _so_ gonna get you back!"

Matthew laughed, suddenly letting Gilbert go and ducking under the water, swimming back to shore beneath the surface while Gilbert struggled to remain floating. He didn't need to be able to hear Gilbert's threats and whines to know he was shouting them.

Suddenly, there was a plant wrapped around Matthew's ankle, keeping him in place just a few feet short of the shore. Matthew groaned and tried pulling out of the little trap, but the plant bit into Matthew's skin when he pulled and made the Canadian whimper in slight pain. Gilbert at that point noticed Matthew's moment of weakness and swam towards him, revenge clear in his crimson eyes.

"Wait, I'm stuck," Matthew tried, but Gilbert would have none of it. The albino began splashing Matthew without hesitation, while the quieter of the two tried to shield his face while also trying to untangle the plant around his ankle. Water in his mouth and nose, Matthew felt miserable and waterlogged, but somehow... Somehow he felt thrilled and excited. Fun, he realized. Matthew was having fun.

Matthew began splashing in retaliation, trying to get Gilbert to stop for just a moment so Matthew could escape from his shackle. After landing a good hit, Gilbert stopped to sputter and cough, and Matthew plunged beneath the water to free his ankle. Finally, the plant released him, and Matthew could swim away, out of reach of Gilbert's attacks.

For almost an hour, the pair splashed and swam beneath the shade of the trees, floating freely in the water warmed by the seasonal heat. Gilbert occasionally splashed Matthew when he wasn't expecting it, and the two would go at it again, splashing and squealing in delight and happiness. They almost forgot that they had to get back to the school, back to their classes. It was only when they heard a distant ringing of the school bell did they realize they'd swam through their next class.

Gilbert turned to glare at Matthew, pouting. "We missed PE!" he said accusingly, and Matthew blushed and shrugged.

"PE isn't important. If we get out now, we might be able to make our next class, though." Matthew began swimming towards the shore, and Gilbert hesitated before following after him. Once they got out of the water and had scrambled up the steep embankment, Matthew turned to look at Gilbert and winced a little. "Ah, Gil, you're a little pink... Let's get you out of the sun." Even in the shaded water, Gilbert had managed to get a small sunburn, even while he'd been coated in sunscreen.

Gilbert looked down at himself, then at his shoulder, and groaned. "Dammit... Oh, well, that was totally worth it." He grinned at Matthew, going towards the tree where they'd hung their clothes. He shook his shirt out just in case any bugs had decided to make themselves at home, and then pulled it on over his damp skin. Matthew did the same, and then pulled his hoodie over his head while Gilbert slipped his shoes on. Matthew took a moment to find his glasses, remembering after searching a good minute that he'd put them in his shoe, and then he put his socks and shoes on. Everything clung to him from the dampness of his tanned skin, and his jeans dripped down on his shoes. Matthew rolled the pants legs back down to let the denim dry better, shaking them out to get out any wrinkles.

"Ready, Birdie?" Gilbert asked, blinking up at Matthew. There were only a few inches of a height difference, and Gilbert pouted; like Arthur Kirkland, Gilbert's growth spurt hadn't quite hit yet, so he still only stood to 5'3", while Matthew was maybe 5'5".

"What's our next class?" Matthew asked after he'd nodded a confirmation, realizing his schedule had been in his pocket the whole time and was probably ruined after an hour of swimming.

"Um... I have algebra 1-2. You're not in the advanced class, are you?"

"No, I won't take geometry until next year. I'm in the same class."

"Oh, cool! Does that mean you'll help me with homework?" Gilbert batted his eyelashes up at Matthew in a way he hoped looked cute and innocent.

The Canadian saw right through Gilbert's little trick, but he rolled his eyes and nodded anyway. "Yeah, yeah, I'll help you with your homework." He chuckled quietly, trying to ignore the fact that he'd just stepped on a condom on the ground and it had made a disgusting squishy noise. Gilbert noticed, and he wrinkled his nose. "This forest is so gross these first couple of feet," he pointed out, and Matthew nodded.

"Yeah, that's why I went so deep into the woods for lunch. This part is really disgusting."

"We should start a club that cleans the forest up!" Gilbert said cheerfully, and Matthew snorted.

"How many people would sign up for a club that cleans up used condoms all day?"

"Oh."

...

They ended up a couple minutes late for their class, but the algebra teacher seemed nice enough and she let it slide, smiling at them kindly as she handed them their books. They found an empty desk, which, like in the parenting class, seated two students, so they were able to sit next to each other again. Matthew ran his hands through his damp hair, trying to get some of the knots out of it while Gilbert was painfully rubbing his burned shoulder and chest.

"Stupid skin," he grumbled while the teacher spoke about their schedule for the year. "I hate being albino."

"I think it suits you," Matthew said softly, eyes cast down as if he were actually reading the paper they'd been given. His cheeks heated up in a blush. "You wouldn't be _you _if you weren't albino." He got up the courage to look up, and he flashed Gilbert a quick smile while the German boy studied Matthew's face, searching for any sign that the quieter was joking. Finding nothing but warmth and truth, Gilbert slowly nodded and smiled, then looked back down to the paper.

"Dude, you're so gay," he said with a quiet chuckle.

Matthew froze, his eyes wide as his face heated up impossibly with embarrassment, cheeks flushed crimson with blood. "What?" He squeaked, and the teacher glared at him for interrupting her.

Gilbert simply nodded, as if he'd commented on the weather. "You don't hide it very well. I know I'm hot, but _dude, _you could be a little less obvious about checking me out."

Matthew hid his face in his sleeve, feeling almost in tears. He'd thought Gilbert would be his friend, his one and only friend, and now he'd ruined it and Gilbert knew. No one wanted to be friends with the quiet gay kid; no one wanted to be friends with Matthew Williams, and he'd been kidding himself to think otherwise. "I-I'm sorry," he whispered, voice thick and choked with tears.

Suddenly, Matthew felt a hand on his knee, and he looked up in surprise to see Gilbert smiling at him. "Dummy, I was just kidding. I'm bi."

Matthew didn't say a word, looking down at the desk as he slowly folded in on himself. "So... You aren't mad at me? You still wanna be friends?" He wouldn't allow himself to hope. Not yet.

"I wanna be _best _friends," Gilbert corrected him, and Matthew looked up at the albino boy in confusion. He did as Gilbert had done to him before, searching his face for any trace of cruel amusement or trickery. He found nothing but a warm smile.

"I don't like you like that," he said quietly, frowning.

"I know, I was only kidding before. I really mean it; I want us to be best friends."

Matthew studied Gilbert's face a moment longer, searching one last time for any hint of betrayal. Nothing but a smile and the warm, sweet look of _hope._

"I do, too," he said softly, finally returning Gilbert's hopeful smile. "I just... I just thought you'd hate me because I'm gay."

"How could I hate you? I like dick, too."

Matthew's eyes widened at the vulgar way of putting it, and he hid his face in his sleeves, shaking his head as if it would remove the words from his innocent mind.

The sound of the bell ringing to signal the end of the day was drowned out by the sound of Gilbert's warm laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure you don't want a ride?" Gilbert asked, concerned. He stood at his red '67 Camero, hand on the door handle as he looked at Matthew with big puppy-dog eyes. Matthew absently thought to himself that the car suited him nicely.

Matthew sighed. Gilbert had been pleading for Matthew to accept the offer since Matthew had let it slip that he walked four miles to get home. He didn't like riding the bus because people always sat on him on accident, so he settled for walking, though that could get dangerous when cars somehow didn't see him.

"Really, Gil, I'm fine with walking," he said sternly, frowning a little before he finally flashed Gilbert a small smile. "I don't want to trouble you."

Gilbert pouted, looking about two seconds away from stomping his foot like a child. "It's no trouble at all, Birdie! I don't know if you know this, but people don't seem to really see you. What if you get hit by a car?"

"That would suck," Matthew said dryly, rolling his eyes as he turned to walk away. "Really, Gilbert. I'll be just fine."

Matthew began walking away, but let out a quiet whine when Gilbert grabbed his hand and forced him to stop. "Birdie, please? I'd feel better if you'd let me give you a ride..."

Matthew frowned, then pouted and turned to face Gilbert with a quiet huff. His shoulders slumped; he had given in. "Alright, alright," he grumbled.

The albino's eyes lit up and he smiled widely, still holding Matthew's hand. "Really? Yay! Thank you so much!"

"Shouldn't I be the one thanking you for the offer?"

"Yup! But oh well~"

Matthew frowned, blinking confusedly up at the rather hyperactive German boy. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Hey... Why do you have a license? You're a freshman, like me!"

"... I might've been held back a few times," Gilbert said, pouting and pulling Matthew towards the car. He led him around the side of his car to open the door for him, but was stopped when the car next to him suddenly swung its own door open, almost hitting them.

"Hey, watch it!" Gilbert snapped, and a dark skinned boy- Matthew thought his name was Antonio- jumped out of the car and bundled them both in his arms, letting out a soft whine.

"Oh, I did not see you two there! Dios, I almost hit you! I could've hurt one of you! Are you okay? Did I hit you?" The Spanish boy looked near tears, but when both boys grunted out that they were fine, he let them go and smiled vacantly. "Oh, good. I'm still really sorry, though..."

Matthew rubbed his sore ribs, scowling at the boy who had just squeezed the air from his lungs. Gilbert was doing the same, scowling furiously and pulling Matthew closer to his side; the protective move made Matthew blush. "We're fine, really. You didn't have to hug us like that."

But, Antonio wasn't listening, too busy staring at Matthew with wide eyes. "Hey, didn't I go to middle school with you? Why did we never talk before? You're so _cute!_"

Matthew snapped his head up at that, staring at Antonio with wide eyes. "I'm what?" He asked, sure he'd heard wrong.

Antonio pulled Matthew into his arms again and hugged him tight, swaying back and forth. "You're like a little niño... So cute!" He hummed quietly, and then let Matthew go. "I will talk to you tomorrow, little one!" And with that, the strange, strange boy left, while Matthew blushed and fumbled with his hands, glaring at Gilbert as if it were his entire fault.

"What does... 'Niño' mean?" The German asked, confused.

"It's Spanish for baby, or baby boy..." Matthew scowled. "Let's never speak of this ever again."

"Agreed."

Matthew climbed into the car without another word, and Gilbert followed his lead and climbed into the driver's seat, quietly asking Matthew for directions to the Canadian's home.

...

Matthew pulled out a rag and the spray-bottle filled with diluted bleach. He put a mask over his face and sprayed the mixture on to the kitchen counters, then the sink, the fridge... Every surface possible, he sprayed down with the bleach. Once everything stunk of the strong chemical, he began scrubbing it and cleaning it all up, humming to himself as he did so.

When Gilbert had dropped him off, he'd made Matthew promise to meet him in his parking spot before school started the next day. (Students at their high school purchased their parking spots before school started to prevent fighting and accidents from happening in the parking lot.) Matthew had promised, smiling amusedly at Gilbert as the albino drove away. He was glad to have a friend, even a friend as strange as Gilbert.

On his knees, kneeling on the floor, he scrubbed at a stubborn scruff mark; the mark stayed. Matthew, feeling the beginnings of a panic attack start in his chest, scrubbed harder, a sob escaping him when it didn't budge an inch.

"Fuck," he sobbed, sitting up and grabbing the steel wool. He scrubbed at the floor, and the mark faded away, and Matthew immediately calmed down. "Better," he murmured, then sprayed the spot again and scrubbed it with the regular rag. The feelings of panic ebbed away, and Matthew finished cleaning the kitchen after another hour or so.

Now for the rest of the house.

...

The moon hung high in the night sky by the time Matthew was satisfied with the house. Everything stunk of bleach, but Matthew had sprayed some air freshener around and it helped with the smell. He opened a few windows to cool down the warm house, glad he'd chosen to do his homework before he'd started cleaning. On the first day of school, homework was just a bunch of papers needing signed, which Matthew had signed himself, forging his mother's signature as usual.

It had taken six hours to clean the house. Six hours of sobbing and panicking whenever he wasn't satisfied with the job, six hours of scrubbing until his nails were bloody from breaking; his hands reeked of bleach and strong disinfectants. Every carpet vacuumed, every window washed, every floor scrubbed clean, every surface of the house spotless. To Matthew, it wasn't quite good enough. His mother would be angry when she came home in the morning; Matthew hadn't done a good enough job. No matter how long and how hard he cleaned, it was never enough to please his mother.

There was no need to set an alarm clock. Matthew was woken up every morning at around four, anyway, so an alarm clock wasn't necessary. Matthew changed out of his clothes and began a load of laundry; most of the laundry was rags from his earlier cleaning. He picked up a book, waiting impatiently for the load of laundry to finish. As he waited, he idly wondered what Gilbert was doing right now. Probably sleeping, since it was pretty late... Matthew sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment.

The Canadian jerked awake when the washer buzzed rudely at him. He must've fallen asleep... Oh, well. Matthew put the clothes in the dryer and began the load, then finally made his way into his bedroom and crawled into bed in his boxers, curling up under the blankets. He snuggled his pillow, nervous about the next day. His mother had been very calm these past few days, and that always made Matthew nervous. She was like a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. Hopefully it wouldn't be too bad this time when she did.

...

The smell of alcohol woke Matthew up. He coughed at the stench, and felt a rough hand grab his hair, long nails scraping his scalp.

"Look at what you've done to my house," a voice hissed into his ear, making him cringe. "I buy you food," Matthew bought his own food. "I pay the bills," Matthew paid the bills. "I let you live under the same roof as me; scum like you don't deserve to live at all!" The hand pulled hard enough for Matthew's neck to pop in protest, and he let out a quiet cry. His mother glared down at him, the light of the early sun lighting up her usually beautiful face. Now it was screwed up with anger.

"I don't know why I didn't just drown you in the bathtub as a child! You _sicken _me!" She yanked him out of the bed, causing him to fall to the floor, curling in on himself.

"I-I'm sorry, Mama, I don't mean to!" He cried, trying to escape by rolling under the bed. This was it; his mother was exploding. The woman grabbed his hair and yanked him to his feet, and even though he stood a few inches taller than she did, he felt like she towered over him.

"Nothing you do is ever good enough! You'll never amount to anything; you'll never be anything more than a piece of garbage that kind people like me take in out of pity!" She brought her hand back and slapped him across the face, and Matthew tried his best to grit his teeth when she did it, not wanting to bite his own tongue.

"Y-yes, Mama, I know," he whispered, tears filling his eyes. "I'm garbage; I'm lucky you're so kind as to take me in."

"You bet your ass you are!" She snarled as she slapped him again, and this time she left scrapes across his cheek. "You're _nothing."_

"Yes, Mama!" He sobbed, and she punched him in the gut hard enough for him to lose his breath. As he doubled over, her leg came up to hit him in the face, and he felt warmth drip down his chin; a split lip.

"You don't deserve to speak! I should just rip that tongue right out of your pathetic excuse of a mouth!" She shrieked, and Matthew only cried harder, nodding and trying to pull away. His mother's hand darted out to hold his hair, nails digging into his scalp hard enough to draw blood. He could smell the whiskey on her breath, and he gagged quietly.

"I let you live under this roof and you leave your _filth _everywhere! You're a _filthy animal, _you sorry excuse for a son!" She brought his head down on her knee again, and Matthew heard a pop. Probably his nose; there was a spray of blood to confirm his suspicions, but the Canadian boy felt no pain.

"I'm sorry I'm not good enough, Mama, I'm trying!" He cried, tears mixing in with the blood.

His mother growled, punching him in the ribs hard enough for him to all but hear the crack. "Try harder, you little bitch!" She began punching and kicking without any aim and Matthew fell to the floor, holding his head protectively as she beat him. Mostly she hit his legs and arms, and then she began banging on his back, screaming at him how worthless and how awful he was. Matthew cried quietly until all that came out was silent sobs, blood and tears gathering on the hard wood floor.

Finally, his mother seemed to grow tired, and she left his bedroom without a word, going to the kitchen to finish off her bottle of whiskey before she went into her bedroom and fell asleep. Matthew stayed curled on the floor until he heard her bedroom door shut and lock, and then he slowly picked himself off the floor. He looked down at the pool of blood on the floor, but decided he'd clean it up later. The clock read six; Matthew had to start getting ready for school. He went into the bathroom and grabbed a towel, then turned the shower on. While he waited for the water to heat up, he took a look at himself in the mirror; what he saw made him whimper.

Bruises were starting to form along his torso. Older, yellowed bruises from a few days ago when his mother had last done this were fading as the new ones formed, turning a violent blue and purple color. His whole face was a mess; scarlet with tracks of pale skin from his tears. He sniffled, wincing as more blood began pouring out of his nose, and he removed his boxers and climbed into the shower. He let the warm water wash away the blood, and eventually his nose stopped bleeding. His lip didn't look too bad, and the bruises wouldn't be noticeable as long as he kept his hoodie on.

He scrubbed the blood out of his blonde hair, and when he finally felt clean enough, he turned the water off and dried himself off with the towel before stepping out of the tub. He carefully wrapped the towel around his waist, grabbing a rag and the bleach to use to clean the blood up in his room.

He closed his bedroom door behind him, facing away from his bedroom as he gathered strength. He didn't want to see the mess he'd made. He didn't want to have to see it...

With a deep breath, he turned, wincing at the wide puddle of blood on the floor. It could've been worse, though... He sighed quietly, crouching down and soaking the blood up with one rag before he sprayed the bleach on to the floor, then cleaned it up with a clean rag. Once the mess was gone, he tossed the rags into a laundry basket in the corner and proceeded to get dressed. It was a shame, really, to have to hide his body beneath layers of clothes. He knew he was attractive. Muscles from hockey, slender hips with wide shoulders, he knew he was quite good looking. But he had to hide beneath his clothes so no one could see his bruises.

After he got dressed (instead of a hoodie he'd opted for a long sleeved shirt; it was already too hot outside for a hoodie) he looked in the mirror. His face wasn't too bad; a split lip and a bruise on his nose and another bruise on his cheekbone. Makeup would handle the bruises, but the split lip would be too difficult to hide.

Matthew winced as he carefully covered up his bruises, applying the makeup with skill he'd gained after covering up hundreds of bruises before. Once he'd finished, he looked in the mirror to inspect his work; the bruises were gone for now, but later in the day when they formed fully he'd need to redo the makeup. He sighed as he packed the concealer and powder into his bag, running a hand through his unruly hair. He went into the kitchen and ate a banana while he scrambled some eggs and made toast. He didn't have enough time to sit down and eat, since he had to walk to school, so he put his eggs between the two slices of toast and ate it as a sandwich, then brushed his teeth and grabbed his bag, walking out the door after he'd cleaned up his messes and had turned off all the lights.

His mother would leave the house to go to work an hour or so before Matthew got out of school, so he wouldn't have to see her again until the next morning. She usually didn't do anything but yell at him in the mornings, but every couple of days her anger would build up until it exploded and she got physical with him. He didn't look forward to the anxiety he'd get waiting for her to explode again.

The school parking lot was filling up when Matthew arrived, and he saw Gilbert's car already parked in its spot. Gilbert was inside the car, banging his head and singing along to really loud music. The quieter boy didn't recognize the song or the artist, but he liked the music, so he silently got in the passenger's side of the car and watched Gilbert sing along and head bang.

Gilbert didn't even notice Matthew until the song was over and he reached over to turn the radio down; he didn't need to listen to commercials at top volume. He gasped and swore, putting a hand over his chest. "Jesus fucking Christ, dude! Are you fucking sure you're not a vampire?" He shouted, and Matthew smiled sheepishly.

"I didn't want to bother you; you looked like you were enjoying yourself," Matthew said quietly.

The albino nodded, still looking spooked as he turned his car off and stretched. He sat up and glanced at Matthew, then did a double take. "Dude, what happened to your face?" He asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"Um... I fell down some stairs."

"You... fell down some stairs?"

"I fell down some stairs."

"You fell down some stairs."

"Yes."

"You're a terrible liar and your makeup isn't the right shade."

Matthew's eyes widened and he put his hand on his cheek where his bruise must've been showing.

"You got tan over the summer and now you're makeup is too pale."

Matthew immediately pulled down the visor to look at himself in the mirror; not only was Gilbert right, but his bruises had already bloomed out around the edges of the makeup, making them look like rings of blue and purple. "God dammit," Matthew mumbled, pulling out makeup from his bag to begin covering it up some more. "Gilbert, don't say anything. This is _nothing, _got it? Absolutely nothing."

"Matthew, I don't believe you."

"It's nothing, Gilbert!" Matthew shouted, panic evident in his voice. "I fell down some stairs and I was embarrassed about being so clumsy and I didn't want anyone to see the bruises and get the wrong idea! It's nothing!"

"Mattie..."

"Drop it, Gilbert. Just... Just drop it, please." Matthew sniffled a little, frowning as he put the visor back up and glared out the window. "Don't say anything about it to me or to anyone else. Just... forget it."

Gilbert opened his mouth to argue, to say that if Matthew needed help with bullies or something like that, then he could ask for help... But instead he closed his mouth and nodded. Matthew hadn't known Gilbert long enough to trust him with something like that, so Gilbert would do what he could to earn Matthew's trust until Matthew felt okay telling him what was going on.

"... Alright. Come on, let's get to parenting," Gilbert finally said, flashing Matthew his usual cocky smile as he climbed out of the car. Matthew smiled in relief, pleased that Gilbert had done has he'd asked. He climbed out of the car as well and closed his door, and Gilbert locked the car before he went around to Matthew's side and began walking towards the school. "Come on, Birdie, let's go be parents!"

"You would be an awful father."

"Nuh uh! I'd be an _awesome _father! I would... I would be the best father _ever_. Unless the baby turns out to dislike Doctor Who. In which case I would be an awful father and would probably leave the child."

Matthew stared at Gilbert in shock before he snickered. "Good parenting, Gil. You'd be a great parent."

"I don't really want kids," Gilbert said honestly, shrugging. "Maybe I'd have kids with you, because you're pretty cute, and I'm really sexy, so they'd be really great kids."

"Gilbert!" Matthew whined, embarrassed at the notion.

"Come on, Birdie, I could be your baby daddy!"

Alfred suddenly appeared in front of them with Arthur at his side, grinning at Matthew. "Mattie, do you have a baby daddy! That's such a coincidence! 'Cause Artie and I were just talking last night while we were-"

"Shut up, you ass!" Arthur growled, slapping Alfred's chest while his face turned a light pink.

Gilbert stared owlishly at the two before he threw his head back and laughed. "Dude, he was gonna talk about you guys while you were fucking!" He laughed, and Alfred nodded seriously, as if his boyfriend wasn't furiously hitting his arm and yelling at him.

Matthew hid behind Gilbert partially, face red with embarrassment; he wasn't quite comfortable with the topic of conversation. "Gil, can we go to class now?" He asked quietly.

Gilbert opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly Alfred was shouting, "Mattie, did you let this dude fuck you? Artie, Mattie has a boyfriend!"

Matthew whined quietly, shaking his head in denial. "No, no, we're just friends!"

Gilbert pouted. "Just friends? Babe, I thought we had something special!"

Alfred and Gilbert began laughing, while Matthew shook his head in embarrassment and ran in the opposite direction to their class. Arthur was right behind him, looking just as flustered as the Canadian. "Gods, I'm so sorry for him," Arthur apologized, face flushed.

Matthew nodded meekly. "Gilbert wasn't any better... He's just my friend, by the way. Not a boyfriend."

"I understand," Arthur said with a small smile. Matthew bit his lip, then winced when he bit down on the wound.

"I gotta get to class... Um, keep Alfred out of trouble, if you can."

Arthur was interrupted when Gilbert suddenly yelled from down the hall, "Mattie, baby, take me back!"

Matthew squeaked and waved goodbye quickly before running down the hall, into the classroom, and he buried his face in his backpack. Dammit, Gilbert.

**Author's Note: **Hey, everyone! Two updates in a row, woo! Yeah don't get used to it-

So, thanks to everyone whose reading this. This was pretty angsty and it'll really only get worse from here but hey plot woo! I love all of youu

Please review ;-;


	4. Chapter 4

Matthew could honestly say that being friends with Gilbert gave him the most mixed feelings he'd ever experienced in his life.

At first, it had been nice to have a friend. They'd had fun, joked around, and Mattie had enjoyed it. But sometimes, Gilbert became obnoxious and annoying, almost too much for Matthew to handle on some occasions. Sometimes Gilbert would start flirting with Matthew; sometimes he'd get a little too close, do something a little too friendly. And sometimes Gilbert would be quiet. The albino would stare at the floor in silence, eyebrows furrowed, occasionally looking up at Matthew; not quite at Matthew, but at his bruises. Whenever the younger boy would come to school with a new batch of injuries, Gilbert would stare at his face as if he could see right through Matthew's new and improved makeup. Sometimes he'd stare at Matthew's body while they changed in the locker room before PE, mouth agape in horror at the painting of blacks and blues splattered across the Canadian's lean muscles.

He must've known. Matthew _knew _that Gilbert knew. The albino would often try to get Matthew to spend the night at his house, would try and get Matthew away from his own house, as if that would help anything. But Matthew simply smiled and said, "Maybe some other time. I have chores."

In all honesty, Matthew wasn't quite comfortable with Gilbert yet. He'd always had difficulty trusting people, and as much as Matthew wanted to take up Gilbert's offer of going to his house and playing video games for a few hours, he wasn't sure if he could. He was scared; what if Gilbert did something? Like... What if Gilbert tried to take advantage of Matthew? What if he got angry and hit Matthew too?

And for a couple of weeks, Matthew's mind continued to worry. Every time Gilbert invited him over for video games and snacks, Matthew would immediately shake his head, a sliver of fear lodged in his chest. Gilbert always appeared hurt, staring at the ground and frowning, shoulders slumping, before he'd perk up and smile, agreeing with Matthew that another time would be better. Matthew appreciated Gilbert's understanding and patience, and soon, it paid off. Gilbert quietly asked one day if he might be able to go to Matthew's house to hang out after school, and Matthew had thought about it carefully; at his own house, he'd feel more in control and safe. He'd nodded slowly, smiling at Gilbert- who'd hit his growth spurt finally and was about Matthew's height already- and Gilbert had immediately grinned and pulled Matthew in for a tight, careful hug, somehow managing not to touch any of Matthew's new bruises.

...

Birdie had finally said _yes. _Gilbert hadn't been able to help himself when he threw his arms around his best friend, careful not to touch any of his bruises. The bruises honestly scared the albino. He had an idea of how Matthew had gotten them, and he didn't like it at all... But it was fairly obvious that Matthew came from an abusive home.

At first, Gilbert had thought that Matthew would be happy to get away from home and whoever was hurting him. But over and over again, Matthew had shaken his head, shyly looking away and shoving his hands in his pockets. Gilbert had been hurt at first, thinking it had been him and Matthew didn't want to spend time with Gilbert outside of school... But soon he'd derived a conclusion. Matthew obviously felt safer at his own home, which meant that either he wasn't being abused there or the abuser wasn't home after school.

Gilbert had thought carefully, and finally had decided that Matthew would feel safer if they hung out outside of school for the first time at Matthew's house. He'd carefully brought the subject up, shyly running a hand through his hair as he looked down at the Canadian. (He'd been very, very excited to measure himself and discover that he was an inch taller than Matthew was now; 5'6". It wasn't manly to be shorter than your best friend was!) Matthew had considered the offer carefully, and then he'd nodded rather shyly, flashing Gil a small smile. Gilbert hadn't been able to help himself when he threw his arms around his little Birdie and hugged him, and then he'd let him go with a small smile and ruffled his hair. "Can we hang out today?"

"I guess," Matthew had said quietly, carefully twirling his hair around his finger; he did that when he thought, Gilbert had noticed. "I don't have much we could do..."

Gilbert had shrugged, smiling excitedly and twirling his car keys around his pinky. "We'll figure something out, Birdie."

Matthew then wrapped his arms around Gilbert's middle, surprising the albino quite a bit. The hug was quick, but Matthew still looked flustered and embarrassed, and even Gilbert had a small blush turning his face a light pink. "I-I have to get something from my locker; I'll meet you at your car?"

Gilbert had smiled sheepishly, and they'd said their goodbyes before the albino had made his way to his car.

And that's how he'd ended up meeting his future girlfriend.

Currently, Gilbert stood propped against his car, humming to himself. Antonio, the boy who'd freaked them both out before, was standing by his monstrous pickup truck, and chatting with Gilbert happily. They'd become good friends, though Matthew wasn't quite as enthusiastic to make new friends, and even became jealous when Gilbert did. Gil thought it was adorable.

"Oi, bastard! Are you driving me home or not?" A short, angry-looking girl asked, scowling at Antonio with her hands on her curvy hips.

"Lovina, I told you, I'll drive you home as soon as Feliciano gets here. We can't just leave him behind." Antonio rolled his eyes, smiling sweetly at the Italian sounding girl as if she hadn't just insulted him.

"Why not?"

"Because that's the nice thing to do!~"

"Bastard." Lovina huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, and Gilbert tried not to stare at her breasts, which were of a very nice size. When she noticed Gilbert trying not to stare, her face twisted in a scowl, and even then she managed to look rather beautiful. "Oi, stop staring at the goods!"

Gilbert blushed bright red, immediately looking away and apologizing quietly. Lovina gave Gilbert a once over and pouted, moving to his side and running her fingers over his arm. "Mm... Maybe I don't mind too much, idiot; I was only joking. You can look all you want~"

Antonio stared at them with a silent fury, hands clenched by his side in anger. Gilbert didn't notice, though; too busy flirting with the angry, beautiful Italian girl.

Somehow, they'd ended up on the far side of the car, away from the flow of students, making out against his car. He couldn't remember how they'd gotten there, but he didn't care much anyway. All he really cared about was his tongue in her mouth, her small hands clutching his white hair as she let out quiet moans against his lips. She ground her knee against his groin, while Gilbert's hand snaked down and cupped her ass through her short skirt. She reached down and took his hand, guiding it beneath the hem of the skirt so he could grasp the mound of flesh through only the thin barrier of her panties. He honestly couldn't explain his sudden attraction to her; he'd met her before, in passing, when Antonio had introduced her at lunch once. He hadn't cared for her then... But with her tongue wrestling with his, one hand in his hair while the other traced the muscles on his chest, he suddenly wondered why he hadn't liked her before.

They were interrupted by a loud squeak, and Gilbert broke away to see who it was, only to see Matthew staring at them with wide, horrified eyes.

"Um... Hey, Mattie," Gilbert said weakly, and Lovina suddenly blushed, shoving Gilbert away and walking back to Antonio, who was in his car looking near tears. So _now _she had some shame.

Gilbert stared at Mattie with wide eyes; he probably looked as guilty as he felt. Even though Matthew was his best friend, not in any way a romantic interest... For some insane reason, he felt guilty and a little ashamed. "Um, Mattie, I can explain..."

Matthew slowly shook his head, looking more angry than embarrassed now. "No, Gilbert. It's fine. Just... Take me home."

Gilbert went over to Matthew and put a hand on his shoulder, but Matthew shrugged it off. "Birdie, I-"

"Shut up, Gilbert. Take me home."

Gilbert pulled his hand away and nodded, biting his lip nervously. "Do... Do you still want me to come over for a while?"

Matthew took a deep breath, seeming to calm down for a moment. He bit his lip, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Yeah, Gil, you can still come over..."

Gilbert sighed in relief. He didn't quite understand why Matthew was so upset, and he didn't understand why he himself felt so guilty... But he felt happy that Birdie was still wanting to be his friend.

Gilbert opened Matthew's door for him, and Matthew smiled a little at him, climbing into the car, and placing his backpack on the floor by his feet. Gilbert closed the door and ran around to the other side of the car, climbing into his side of the car and starting his baby up. He relaxed a little behind the wheel, pulling out of the parking lot and beginning the drive to Matthew's house.

...

"Birdie, I'm hungry!" Gilbert whined from the living room, holding his hot chocolate in his hands as if it were treasure. Mattie made _awesome _hot chocolate.

"Um... Want me to make pancakes?" Matthew asked, still digging around in his room for a movie for them to watch.

"Fuck yeah!" Gilbert said excitedly, bouncing a little on the floor. His eyes widened when his excitement caused some hot chocolate to spill out on to the floor, staining the white carpet. "Shit..." He looked around for something to clean it up with, but soon just put a pillow over it and hoped no one would notice.

Matthew soon came out with a horror movie, putting it into the DVD player and hitting play so he could make their pancakes during the previews. "I'll get started on those, then," he said quietly. Birdie had been less angry and mellower as time passed, and Gilbert was glad that Mattie didn't hold any hard feelings against him.

A few minutes later, a delicious aroma wafted from the kitchen, and Gilbert abandoned the movie to put his empty glass in the kitchen and steal a few pancakes.

"Birdie, you didn't tell me you could make such awesome pancakes!" He whined as he took a bite of one of them, practically melting on to the kitchen floor. "God, Mattie... These are fucking _orgasmic. _Where did you learn to make these?"

Matthew blushed, shrugging and smiling at him. "I'm Canadian," he said, as if that explained everything.

Gilbert stared in confusion. "Do Canadians all just come preprogrammed to make delicious pancakes?" He asked incredulously. "Because if so, I'm marrying a Canadian."

Matthew grinned, but said nothing else, staying quiet as he finished cooking the batch of pancakes. He put them all on a plate and put them on the counter with some maple syrup, letting Gilbert go crazy over them. And he did; Gilbert dug in and let out a moan, blissed out beyond comprehension. "Dude, I think I just came."

The Canadian's eyes widened and he flushed bright red, staring at Gilbert in mild horror. But soon the horror turned into understanding, realizing it was a joke, and he began to chuckle, wincing a little when the laughter hurt his sore ribs. His mother hadn't gone off on him in almost a week; practically a personal record for her. But the last time had been particularly bad, and his ribs felt more bruised than usual.

Gil grinned around a mouthful of food, gulping it down and moaning again. "Dude, your pancakes... Better than sex."

Matthew raised an eyebrow at him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?" Gilbert asked, pouting.

"You're totally a virgin."

Gilbert choked on his mouthful of pancakes, coughing and grabbing hold of the counter to keep him standing. "W-_what? _How did you know?!"

"The way you were kissing Lovina. It was kind of obvious."

Gilbert stared at Matthew with wide eyes, waiting for him to explain his psychic abilities.

Matthew rolled his eyes, sighing quietly as if he was teaching Gilbert the ABCs. "You didn't know where to put your hands, and she had to keep showing you where to put them. Also, you didn't tilt your head enough; probably never even made out with a girl before."

Gilbert sputtered, face bright red, and he huffed. "As if you would know how to do it! You've never had sex before either!"

Matthew raised an eyebrow again, shrugging. "If that's what you want to think, sure."

"Oh. My. God. Mattie, please tell me you're a virgin! Please tell me you didn't lose your virginity before me!"

Matthew laughed quietly; strangely, he didn't look embarrassed or shy as he usually did when they talked about anything sexual. He looked almost cocky. "I lost my virginity over the summer."

"With who?!" Gilbert demanded, scowling. "Who was it? Does he go to our school?"

"Um... Actually, it was a girl." Matthew finally looked a little embarrassed. "I didn't want to be gay, so I had sex with a girl to prove to myself I was straight. I was wrong."

"Oh... Well, who is she?"

"Um... You know that exchange student? The one from Ukraine? With the huge chest?"

Gilbert's jaw fell as he gaped, eyes wide. "Holy _shit, _Matthew. You _didn't." _

Matthew smiled sheepishly. "I did. Like, six times."

"Oh my God."

"And then there was Francis..."

"Wait, wait, wait. You've had sex with two people?"

"I had to make sure I was gay! I wasn't taking any chances! So... I slept with Francis, the French boy."

"... Francis Bonnefoy?"

"Mmhmm."

"One of my friends, _Francis fucking Bonnefoy?_"

"Yeah, that one."

"Oh, God, Birdie."

Matthew sighed a little at the memory, smiling a bit as he ate a piece of pancake. "He was really nice about it, too."

"You let that perv fuck you?"

"_I _fucked _him._" Matthew smirked, chewing thoughtfully.

Gilbert stared at Matthew with wide eyes, then began to chuckle. "Oh, God, Birdie... I'm sorry, you just seem more like a bottom to me."

Matthew shrugged. "I think I would enjoy bottoming more, sure, but I wasn't quite ready to give that up to anyone yet, especially not someone I didn't even like very much."

The albino tried to pretend Mattie's admission didn't make his cock twitch just the smallest bit. Gilbert did his best to push away all thoughts and images coming to his mind, of Matthew on his back with his legs spread nice and wide, waiting for someone like Gilbert to take his innocence away.

Fuck.

"Can we watch our movie now?" Gilbert asked with a pout, face red. Mattie assumed it was because he was mad Matthew wasn't a virgin like Gilbert, but... It was mostly because Gilbert was angry he couldn't get the thoughts out of his head.

"Yeah, I guess," Mattie said with a laugh, eating another bite of pancake before he went to the living room. Gilbert finished the plate of pancakes after Matthew had gone, willing his sudden erection away.

_Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Think of dead puppies and old people and fuck this isn't working. Dead puppies, old people, Lovina's ass, gross things- Wait, why is Lovina's ass gross? It was really nice, actually. Well, it's not as nice as Matthew's ass... Fuck, Matthew's ass. Dead puppies dead puppies dead puppies-_

Gilbert sighed when his little problem finally went away, and he joined his best friend in the living room. Of course, Birdie didn't see Gilbert the way Gilbert was starting to see Matthew. Of course not... But Gilbert could deny it all he wanted. Matthew inched a bit closer to Gilbert and their hands brushed, and Matthew felt his heart flutter in his chest. No, of course Matthew didn't feel the same way. Both were thinking the same thing: he doesn't feel the same way I do. Don't do anything.

So they did nothing, except that Gilbert hid his face in Matthew's shoulder when a scary part came on. Matthew stroked Gilbert's hair soothingly, and soon, Gilbert felt better and came out of hiding to watch the movie. When the film ended, Gil hugged his Birdie goodbye, and Matthew watched him pull of the driveway with a small smile.

Now, time to clean.

...

It didn't take long to find Gilbert's hidden mess. Matthew chuckled quietly at the way Gilbert had tried to hide it, and he picked the pillow up and set it down on the couch where it went before he cleaned up the mess. The stain scrubbed away easily enough, and soon, Matthew was able to do the laundry and go to bed, curling up in his blankets even with the knowledge that tomorrow his mother would beat him senseless; it'd been too long for her to go another day without hitting him. She'd just yelled at him for an entire week, never once raising her hand to strike him.

But tomorrow, Matthew knew, she'd go off and beat him. He mentally prepared himself, feeling a single tear squeeze from his eye. He wished Gilbert had stayed. Gilbert could've stayed and protected him...

Matthew pretended the pillow he was curling up with was his albino best friend, snuggling his face into the soft fabric. Gilbert would protect him...

...

The quiet Canadian woke up to the strange sensation of not being able to breathe.

He gasped, but no air could enter his lungs. Opening his eyes, he saw only darkness; something was pressed against his face. It was soft... a pillow, maybe? Matthew began to struggle, arms and legs flailing and kicking to escape, and he finally felt his leg make contact with flesh. The pillow fell to the side, and he sat up, gasping and coughing while his mother lunged at him.

Her nails dug into his throat as she tried to strangle him. Matthew gasped in a quick breath before his airway was cut off, and he scratched at her hands until she let go. He got up and ran from the room, trying to get away; his mother had never tried to actually _kill _him before.

His mother's hand suddenly grabbed Matthew's shirt, yanking him back into the room and slamming the door shut. He screamed in pain when something hot pressed against his side; a cigarette, it felt like. He squirmed and clawed at the floor, trying to get away, but his mother held him down. "Die, bitch, die!" She screamed, grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling his head back before slamming it down on the hardwood floor. Matthew saw stars, and she did it again. His nose broke, he could hear it snap, and there was blood everywhere, all of his face wet from the sticky, hot liquid.

"Stop, stop!" He screamed, bucking her off and swiping at her with an animalistic fury. He had to protect himself. He had to get away.

She grabbed his foot and yanked him down, causing him to hit his head on his bed frame. The world went black for just a moment, but he woke up when he felt a sharp pain in his arm. When he opened his eyes, he let out a cry when he saw his mother twisting the limb, and he heard the snap before he felt the pain. He screamed, kicking at her, but she grabbed his ankle and snapped that, too. His screams got louder and higher pitched, and he kicked her with his good leg. Instincts took over; he slammed her face into the floor but she stood up and kicked him as hard as he could; he felt a rib break, a sharp pain in his chest. He took a breath only to find that it was difficult to breathe, and when he exhaled, blood dotted his lips.

His mother wasn't quite done yet. She kicked again, breaking another few ribs, and when Matthew saw the glint of metal in her hand, he screamed at the top of his lungs, even as the knife plunged into him. His bad arm came up to protect himself, and the knife sunk into his arm instead of his chest. He cried out in agony as the knife cut through bone and flesh, all the way to the other side. It wasn't a big knife, but it was big enough to go all the way through his arm. His mother pulled the knife out and blood began spurting from the wound; Matthew kicked at her with his good leg, finally landing a blow to knock her down. Her head hit the windowsill and she went unconscious; unsure of how much time he had, Matthew got up and stumbled from the room, adrenaline keeping him from feeling his ankle as the broken bones crunched.

The forest a few blocks from his house led right to the school. Matthew ran as fast as he could, unable to feel a thing, through the streets towards the forest. No one was awake yet (it was only around four in the morning) and Matthew made it to the forest unseen. The pain of his injuries was only a dull throb; he had to get to safety.

He ran through the forest towards the school, occasionally stumbling or falling. The river raged in front of him; he was so close... But he had to swim. He slid down the embankment, crying out in pain when he tried to use his bad arm to slow he descent. He splashed into the water, and the current was almost too much for him in his weakened state. But he managed. He swam across the river and climbed slowly up the other side, then began running. There was the tree Gilbert and Mattie ate lunch at sometimes. He was so close... But he was losing blood fast. Every breath brought more blood to his lips; maybe a punctured lung? He could hardly breathe, and his broken foot screamed with every step as Matthew got closer to safety. His arm was still spurting blood, and Matthew realized with mild horror that the bleeding had slowed not because the wound was healing itself, but because he was running out of blood to bleed.

A scream escaped him when he tripped, a branch digging into his stomach as he fell to the ground. He couldn't get up; his muscles quit working. Matthew crawled towards the student parking lot, sobbing quietly with each movement as it jarred his injuries. His vision went black for a moment, but when he came to, he was curled up in a ball in Gilbert's parking spot in the parking lot, and bright headlights were glaring at him. Gilbert suddenly jumped from the car, screaming for someone to help him. Matthew must've passed out again, because when he came to there was a crowd of people around him. People were screaming, crying, calling an ambulance, but Matthew didn't focus on them. His eyes locked on Gilbert's, and he noticed absently that Gilbert was crying.

Matthew reached up with his good arm and wiped one of the tears away. He frowned when his finger left a trail of blood on Gilbert's cheek. Gilbert sobbed, body shuddering, and he soothingly stroked Matthew's hair back from his face. "Don't move, Birdie, we'll get you help," he whispered. "God... Birdie, please, tell me what happened?"

Matthew turned his lips up in a small smile, and he gasped when a jolt of pain went down his body. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding on to Gilbert's hand. "I fell down some stairs," he whispered, and Gilbert let out a choked sob that might've been a laugh, and he felt lips ghost over his forehead before he heard sirens; they were very close. He wondered why he hadn't noticed them before. Flashing lights blinded the Canadian, and Gilbert carefully helped someone place him on a stretcher. He heard someone tell Gilbert he couldn't come with, but Matthew began screaming in protest, reopening his wounds. "Gil!" He cried, and suddenly Gilbert was at his side, stroking his hair, soothing him with quiet words.

Loading into the ambulance jostled Matthew a little and he whimpered eyes wide open but seeing nothing. "Gilbert?" He asked quietly, and then began coughing up thick, black blood.

Gilbert kissed his Birdie's forehead, and Matthew immediately relaxed. The ambulance began moving, and sweet, sweet unconsciousness finally took over. Matthew's eyes closed, and he heard Gilbert sobbing quietly next to him. He idly wondered if he'd wake up, but then again... He couldn't find himself to care.

**Author's Note: **Oh, god, I'm so sorry to do this to you guys

I don't usually update this quickly, but I'm just really in the zone and I really like this fic and the plot and I _**MUST WRITE OR ELSE I WILL INTERNALLY HURT**_

Anyway. Review with your thoughts. Tell me what you think, any suggestions, or just what the weather is. Really. Reviews are love.

Seriously. Review. Please.

I see those people favorite-ing and following this fic but not reviewing, and I hiss and claw at the screen. You can hit those buttons but you can't write something like, "good job lol haha" I don't care just review because following and favorite-ing doesn't give me an idea of your thoughts. Reviews do. I wanna know what you guys think and how you feel about what's going on so please just review for me and satisfy my need.

See you soon!

Please leave a little review so I know I'm not writing a huge ass chapter for naught~


	5. Chapter 5

It began with voices, sounding less than a meter away.

"Doc, he's been out for _a month._ Are you sure he's gonna wake up?" Gilbert's voice soothed Matthew's initial panic- what the hell is going on?!- and the Canadian boy internally relaxed.

"I'm sorry, but we can't control this kind of thing," the doctor said, sounding genuinely apologetic. Matthew wondered idly what he was talking about. "He went through a lot of trauma, and his mind and body will need a lot of time to heal. It could be another month before he wakes up... We just don't know. The physical injuries have healed fairly well, and his ribs are almost completely healed. It's just really his arm and ankle that are still healing, and his oxygen levels aren't quite where they should be yet. But there's also his mental and emotional injuries that we need to consider. We have no idea how long he's been abused like this, and there's no doubt in my mind that the attempted murder will leave its mark on his psyche."

Matthew heard Gilbert sigh and mutter his thanks, and suddenly he felt what could've been lips press against his forehead, though that was ridiculous. The door closed a couple of feet away; the doctor leaving, he assumed. He tried to smile, but his muscles weren't cooperating. The bed shifted, and Matthew assumed Gilbert had crawled on to the bed with him after the doctor had left them alone. He felt arms carefully wrap around him, and Matthew sighed happily. Gilbert tensed.

"God, I swear you just fucking sighed... Birdie, can you hear me? If you can hear me, do something to show me that you can."

Matthew tried to sigh again, but found he simply couldn't, so Gilbert soon settled back against Matthew and brushed it off as hearing things. "You've been in this coma for a month now, Birdie... I miss you. I've been to see you every day, sure... And they let me stay the night here almost every night... But I miss you a lot." Matthew felt hands run through his hair, and what felt like the same pair of lips brushing against his temple. Again, Matthew assumed he imagined it.

"I wish you'd wake up... They put your mom in jail. She's in prison for attempted murder, and for all the abuse she's put you through. She admitted to everything, you know... She admitted to every damn thing. She told them everything she's done to you, as if she was _proud. _I punched her, you know. I was so mad... Still am. Can't believe you had to go through all of that... And you wanna know what made her break like that? That pillow she tried to strangle you with had a hot chocolate stain on it from when I tried to hide my mess. It's all my fault that this happened... It's all my fault, Birdie."

Matthew wished he could move. He wished he could open his eyes and hug Gilbert silly for thinking something so ridiculous. But instead, he settled for listening to Gilbert's breathing, feeling a tear hit his cheek, and then Gilbert wiped it away with the rough pad of his thumb. "I wish you could wake up," he whispered, and Matthew felt _lips_ pressed lightly to his own for just a moment. Just a second, their lips touched, and Matthew wished he could just wake up and pull Gilbert in for another one. But, Gilbert pulled away, and Matthew couldn't move, not even a little. Matthew spent the next few hours listening to Gilbert's breathing, his steady heart beat, enjoying the fingers running through his hair and the lips that occasionally ghosted over his skin.

Every once in a while, Matthew would feel Gilbert's lips press against his own, and for just a moment, he could imagine that this was different. That instead of in a hospital, still in a coma, Matthew was sleeping in a bed he shared with Gilbert. Matthew pretended Gilbert was kissing him awake, morning wood pressed against Matthew's thigh, and he pretended to hear Gilbert whining for pancakes and breakfast. If only...

...

Slowly, Matthew began moving. Another month passed with Matthew being unable to move, but he could hear. Soon, though, he learned how to twitch. After twitching, he learned to squeeze. He'd squeeze Gilbert's hand, and Gilbert had begun whooping with joy, getting the doctor. They'd been able to have full conversations; Gilbert would ask a question, and Matthew would answer yes or no with one or two squeezes.

"Can you hear everything?" One squeeze. "Can you feel things?" One squeeze. "How long have you been able to feel? A week?" Matthew hesitated. If Gilbert knew Matthew had been able to feel his kisses, things could get complicated... Matthew squeezed twice. He could practically feel Gilbert frown. "Two weeks?" Matthew squeezed three times, trying to show Gilbert that he was getting colder, not hotter. "Oh, um, a day?" The albino asked. Matthew squeezed once, and Gilbert relaxed beside him. "How long have you been able to hear?" He asked. Matthew carefully considered this. Gil hadn't spilled any embarrassing secrets in the last month, so Matthew squeezed once, and Gilbert thoughtfully asked, "One week?" Matthew squeezed twice for no. "One month?" Matthew squeezed once as an affirmative, and Gilbert laughed. "Dude, that's cool... Must've been boring, though, listening to all those conversations and stuff for a whole month and being aware but not being able to do anything. Kinda like being paralyzed."

Matthew used his thumb to draw a crescent shape on Gilbert's hand; a smile. Gilbert chuckled, and soon the doctor came in to have his turn, asking Matthew a bunch of questions about what he could feel and hear.

Matthew did the same thing with the doctor, answering the questions with squeezes of his hand. The doctor seemed pleased, saying that there was no brain damage causing Matthew's semi-paralysis. "This is definitely a subconscious thing. I think I'll start bringing a counselor in here for you. You can write, can't you?" Matthew squeezed his hand once as an affirmative. "Alright. Yes, a counselor will be called and we'll get one in to see you."

As the doctor had promised, within 24 hours, a counselor was sitting beside him and Gilbert had to leave. The counselor was a woman, from what he could tell, and her name was Jillian. He was given a pad of paper, and though he couldn't open his eyes or see, he did his best to write neatly. Jillian was nice, and Matthew found himself enjoying her visits. With her help, Matthew was able to open his eyes in a week. He learned to sit up again, and she smiled at him excitedly whenever he did anything new.

But Matthew didn't speak.

The counselor warned Gilbert that Mattie might be mute now, for a few more months. Gilbert had nodded, giving Matthew a quick hug. "You don't need to talk, Birdie. You take your time," he soothed, and Matthew had hugged him back, nuzzling his shoulder. The counselor had smiled at them.

"He's just been through too much trauma for speaking. Once things go back to normal, Matthew, you'll find yourself doing the things you used to do with ease," Jillian assured him and patted his good leg, and then she got up and left for the day.

Matthew knew he could talk if he tried... But whenever he opened his mouth to speak, a sharp fear ran down his spine, so he didn't attempt it often, and when he did, he never was able to speak more than a soft grunt.

He did speak once, though. He and Gilbert were curled up on the hospital bed, and Matthew noticed something strange about the albino's arms. He suddenly grabbed Gilbert's wrist and flipped it over, staring at the underside of his arm in horror. The pale white skin hid the creamy scars well, but Matthew could still see them. Angry slashes on his wrists, long healed. "Gilbert, what the fuck?" Matthew asked, eyes wide, and Gilbert yanked his arm back, staring at Matthew with wide eyes.

"It's nothing, Birdie," he tried, but Matthew glared at him, hand pressed to Gilbert's chest to push him away the slightest bit. "Birdie..." He tried again, but Matthew's glare intensified. "Oh, fine... I used to be suicidal, about a year ago... I tried to kill myself. But I'm fine now, really. It's not something that'll happen again."

Matthew stared at Gilbert with searching eyes before slowly nodding, resuming his previous position, and curling up with Gilbert holding him in his arms.

...

Matthew was released from the hospital after he took his first shower all on his own. He moved in with his cousin Alfred and his uncle, since he wasn't eighteen yet and had no other immediate family live with. Matthew didn't have many possessions, but his old house was sold and Matthew got all of that money for himself to buy what he needed and he put the large amount left over in the bank. He still didn't speak, and he spent most of his time in his bedroom- mostly because he'd caught Alfred and Arthur in the act once and he was afraid of that happening again- but he was happy, and he woke up to the sound of his new alarm clock instead of his mother's shrieks. Though sometimes he woke up to Arthur's shrieks and Alfred's yells of pleasure through the walls, but Matthew was trying to forget that.

Matthew had a real, actual group of friends at school now. They all ate lunch at his and Gilbert's tree out in the forest; him and Gil, Alfred and Arthur, and Gilbert's new best friends, Antonio and Francis. Antonio often brought along Lovina, and with Lovina came along her little brother Feliciano and his friend Kiku. Kiku brought along his own friends, Tino and Berwald, and sometimes two boys named Mathias and Lukas would come along with them. Their group grew and grew, and Matthew was happy to be surrounded by so many nice people. Mainly, though, it was just Gilbert, Antonio, Francis, Alfred, Arthur, Lovina, and Matthew. And Matthew liked to pretend Lovina didn't exist.

They all chatted throughout their lunch hour, and they even tried to include Matthew in with the conversation, even if the Canadian only ever smiled and nodded or shook his head. Matthew had caught up in all of his classes, and everything felt great... He often went to Gilbert's house to get away from Alfred and Arthur's near constant fucking, though. They acted like the two best friends they were, and both tried to forget their feelings for the other. Especially Matthew, because his counselor had told him that romantic relationships would only stress him out more. Gilbert never mentioned the sweet, chaste kisses they'd shared while Matthew had been comatose, and Matthew never brought up that he'd been able to feel them at all.

Weeks passed. Matthew slowly but surely got happier, eventually speaking. It started small, usually just to Alfred or Gilbert. But soon enough, Matthew began speaking during their conversations at lunch, surprising everyone. He even made everyone get up and go swimming with him. That had been fun, and they'd all enjoyed themselves too much to go back to class, so they'd skipped every class after lunch in favor of swimming. Gilbert, Alfred, Arthur, Francis, Antonio, Feliciano, Lovina, Kiku, Berwald, Tino, Mathias, Lukas, and Matthew all swam together in the river for hours. Matthew hadn't even been too embarrassed when Francis had grabbed his ass in front of them all.

The quiet boy only wanted everyone else to be happy, and that made him happy. He and Gilbert had never been closer, and, he even got close to Francis, occasionally helping him with his English homework.

"Come on, Matthieu, wouldn't you rather be with me?" Francis begged on the other end of the phone, which Matthew hugged between his ear and shoulder as he viciously pressed random buttons on the controller. Gilbert growled next to him, pushing Matthew over so Matthew lost his balance and fell on his side, dropping the remote so Gilbert could win.

"No fair!" Matthew whined, and he picked up his dropped controller and his phone, humming a little as he shoved Gilbert over in retaliation. "And Francis, I told you, I'm busy right now. But..." He glanced over at Gilbert, who was too busy concentrating on defeating Matthew's villain on the game to listen. "If I come home and you're in my room I won't complain. I need help with my French homework. Now, let me kick some albino ass." Francis chuckled quietly, promising to see Matthew later, and Matthew tossed his cell phone aside in favor of pressing buttons on the controller.

"Still meeting Franny for study hall?" Gilbert asked curiously, and Matthew chuckled quietly.

"Mmhmm. He's having trouble with his English homework."

"I think he's just trying to get into your pants!" Gilbert claimed, slamming a button on the controller with a victorious laugh, only for Matthew to block the attack and kill Gilbert's character with a much less dramatic flick of his finger.

"Mm, well, he has before," Matthew reminded him, not denying it at all.

Gilbert glared at Matthew for two reasons; one, his character was dead. Two, Matthew was hinting that he would willingly sleep with Francis. "I thought you said you only did that to see if you were gay."

"Well, now I know I'm gay, and I'm still a boy, Gil. I have needs and cravings." Matthew rolled his eyes. "Besides, you know I don't like him like that. Even if he and I did hook up, it would only be for sex."

Gilbert huffed. "How are you more slutty than I am?"

Matthew almost choked as he took a drink of his Dr Pepper. "I'm not sluttier than you are. I'm just... Kind of a hippy when it comes to your body and that kind of thing. Sex is healthy and good for you, as long as you're safe about it, careful, and _ready. _It's good for your mental health, physical health, and it's a very spiritual experience."

Gilbert stared at Matthew with wide eyes. "You really _are _a hippy about sex, dude."

Matthew snorted, bumping his shoulder against Gilbert's. "Everyone's different. Some people prefer to be monogamous and never be with more than one person. Some people, like me, are okay with whatever happens. Some people, like Francis, will never be able to stick to just one person."

"Which one am I?" Gilbert asked curiously, starting a new game so he could get his revenge.

Matthew shrugged, grabbing his controller to get ready to kick Gilbert's ass again. "The first one, I think. Otherwise you still wouldn't be a virgin."

"Hey!"

"That's not a bad thing, Gil. It's just how you are. Like I said, everyone's different." Matthew began pressing buttons furiously as the game started, and they both began kicking each other to distract each other in real life while their characters fought. Soon, they were both on their backs, rolling around with their controllers forgotten as they wrestled. Matthew pinned Gilbert down, grinning down at him before Gilbert pushed him off and pinned him to the floor. They went back and forth, pulling hair, laughing, tickling each other to exploit weak spots, and pinning each other back on the floor.

Gilbert's father peaked his head in and laughed at them, his long golden hair held back in a braid. "You boys, you're going to break something," he joked, and Gilbert glanced up at his father from his current position beneath Matthew, who currently had his shoulder buried in Gilbert's chest to keep him in place.

"Dad, I didn't know you were back! How's Luddy?"

Matthew let Gilbert up, and Gil went over to his father and gave him a quick hug. "Ludwig is doing well. They said he'll probably graduate pre-med early."

Gilbert pouted. Matthew smiled a little, patting Gilbert's shoulder reassuringly. Ludwig was Gilbert's genius little brother, who had graduated high school at thirteen and was currently at Stanford studying to be a surgeon. Gilbert, on the other hand, had been held back twice and struggled with multiplying.

"I really miss him," he said honestly, and Gilbert's father nodded in agreement.

"I do, too, but he's happy where he is. He told me to tell you hello and that he misses you."

Matthew looked at the clock on the wall and sighed; it was getting pretty late. Gilbert's father noticed Matthew's sigh and got up, patting Matthew's head with an approving smile. "Gilbert, I think it's about time you took Matthew here home."

Gilbert looked at the clock and his eyes widened. "Oh, fuck. Yeah, I guess I should." The older man glared at Gilbert for cursing, but then left them to go to his office. Matthew grabbed his jacket, following Gilbert out to the car.

The drive home was quick, and Matthew tried not to show his sadness at having to leave Gilbert. Matthew glanced at the window and saw Francis in his bedroom, as promised, waiting with a textbook in his lap. The Canadian absently hoped Gilbert didn't see him; Gil would probably be upset that Francis was in Matthew's bedroom, even for something as innocent as studying. Matthew said goodnight and thanked Gilbert for driving him home, and he hugged his best friend tightly, reluctant to let go. Gilbert hugged him back, and after Matthew got out of the car and ran rather hurriedly inside, he looked at the window and saw none other than Francis, waving at them both from Matthew's window.

"Ugh. Why are they in his bedroom? Matthew should be careful; Francis isn't one to keep his hands to himself..." Gilbert muttered to himself, frowning.

And yet, as he stared, he saw Matthew enter the bedroom and be pulled into a friendly hug, and soon they dropped out of sight, presumably sitting down on the floor or the bed to start studying. Gilbert's hands tightened on the wheel, and he growled quietly, reluctantly pulling out of the driveway.

...

Matthew smiled at Francis as they hugged, pulling him down on to the bed and pulling out his French homework; Francis already had his English assignment out. They spent the next half hour or so helping each other out, making jokes and laughing quietly. Francis went to the kitchen to get them some soda, and they spent the rest of the night together laughing and trying not to show just how much the caffeine was affecting them.

Just before Matthew made Francis go home, the Frenchman took Matthew's chin in his hand, pulling him in for a sweet, short kiss. Matthew held completely still, shocked and unsure how to respond, and the Frenchman chuckled quietly. "I am sorry, _mon ami. _I got carried away..."

Matthew scowled, shoving at Francis's chest when the other tried to kiss him again. "Francis, that was a one time thing, okay?"

Francis frowned, fingers trailing through Matthew's hair. "You have no one else to worry about, and you know you are lonely for another's touch, Matthieu... It wouldn't have to mean anything..."

The Canadian shoved Francis again. "I think you need to leave, Francis," he said coldly, and Francis put his hands up in surrender with a quiet sigh. The Frenchman gathered his things and left without another word, climbing out Matthew's window so he wouldn't wake anyone up in the house. He turned to begin the walk home-

Only to run into Gilbert, who silently held a baseball bat and stared with unrestrained fury at Francis.

"Stay. Away. From. Birdie."

...

The next week at school, Francis arrived at school with many bruises, and when Matthew asked what happened, Francis politely informed him that they could no longer continue studying together. Confused, Matthew had nodded, and Francis and him went to their normal spot to eat lunch with everyone, and Matthew pretended to ignore the fact that Gilbert sat closer to him than usual. Francis and Gilbert seemed to have a deeper respect for each other, but neither would say what had happened. Matthew could care less; all he knew was that he was out of a study buddy and he would be failing French until he found a new one.

**Author's Note: **Hey, everyone~ I know I said I probably wouldn't be updating so quickly anymore, but I couldn't leave you guys worrying about poor Mattie. This chapter is more of a filler than anything. I know I'm going really quickly with the pace of this story, but I just wanna get to the bigger part of the plot as soon as possible because I usually have about a month of writing furiously before I lose all inspiration and I don't want to leave you guys wondering for months what the hell happened to me. So I'm making this go fast.

I actually wrote this chapter three times. Each one was way, way different. Like, you guys don't even want to know what the hell happened in each one. It was pretty bad, but I really only wrote it for fun and then I changed it to the serious, actual version and it actually turned out pretty well if I do say so myself.

Anyone else really like Gilbert's protective baseball bat? Poor Francis, though...

Well, as always, review and tell me how you felt about this chapter or your thoughts or suggestions or whatever. Review review review reviews are like golden candy wrapped in puppy licks and kitten snuggles.

So Review and I'll see you next chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

Gil didn't see it coming. No one did, not even Matthew, who had a knack for noticing these things. But really, who could've? No amount of warning could've saved him, anyway. No amount of warning could've made it better.

Folkert Beilschmidt, Gilbert's father, had been born with a heart complication, and therefore had to take blood thinners so he didn't get blood clots, or have a heart attack or stroke. The Universe had a sick sense of humor, though, and no one anticipated that the medication that kept him alive would be his downfall. Not even Arthur, who got warning of these types of things by his fairies, was able to see it coming.

All it took was a new rug. A mellow, ugly brown rug with dark red fringe that looked absolutely horrid but Mr. Beilschmidt had never really had much of a sense for these things. Folkert had bought it to make the house a bit homier, and it had been a nice gesture until it began tripping everyone up. It would slide and roll up and everyone tripped and fell over it, grumbling quietly about the stupid throw rug but saying nothing to not upset the man of the house. Folkert took a few falls on it, but he'd been just fine, and Gilbert knew his Vater was tough enough to take a spill. The Prussian didn't worry at all, and neither did Folkert.

They should have.

All it took was one fall. A single fall and Folkert didn't even notice until it was too late to get help. For the first time in his life, his old bones had betrayed him, and when he fell he hadn't been able to catch himself in time, and he'd hit his head rather hard on the floor. Of course, he'd taken harder hits to the skull, so he didn't worry about it; a grave mistake. Gilbert had helped him stand back up, smiling and telling his Vater he'd get him an ice pack to hold to his new lump. It wasn't until hours later, when Folkert had laid down to sleep for a quick nap before dinner, did he realize his mistake.

Unable to move or speak, Folkert had laid in bed even as he felt himself slipping away, head pounding painfully. Eventually, he went unconscious, and Gilbert found his body a few hours later to wake him for dinner. He'd shaken his shoulder, smiling and chuckling at his father's stubbornness- he knew he'd gotten it from somewhere. But then he began getting worried. "Dad? Vati? Wake up. It's dinner time, I made your favorite! Okay, maybe it's my favorite, but you like it."

That's around when he began getting scared. "Vati? Vati, wake up!" Shaking pale hands made their way to Folkert's neck, where Gilbert could not feel a pulse. Panic panged through the self-proclaimed Prussian's chest. "Oh, fuck," the albino sobbed. "Fuck..." He put his head on his father's chest, listening for the tiniest heartbeat or the smallest hint of breathing. Folkert's mouth was still warm when Gilbert put his ear to his lips to listen for breathing. Nothing.

Tears streaming down Gilbert's cheeks, he sobbed childishly, clutching his father's shirt. "Vati, no! Vati, wake up! Please! Please, Vati, wake up!" He began shaking his shoulders, and watching Folkert's head roll like a ragdoll finally made him realize this would do nothing. He pulled away, stumbling a little as he grabbed blindly for a phone. His eyes were too blurry, so once he found his cell he dialed the phone by touch alone and hoped he'd gotten it right.

"911, what's your emergency?" Came a clipped voice, and Gilbert choked back a sob of relief. He'd get the help! Vati would be okay.

"M-my Vati- my dad, my _dad_, he's not breathing. He was taking a nap and now he's not breathing and- and I need help!" By the end, Gil was yelling angrily, suddenly furious that he wasn't already being taken to the hospital.

"Sh, shh," the woman soothed, and Gilbert's crazed sobs quieted for a moment to listen to her. This could be the difference between life and death. "Tell me where you are, and an ambulance will be there as soon as possible..." Gilbert nodded numbly with relief, telling the woman his address, and even though she told him to stay on the line, he hung up and dialed another number.

"Hey, Gil, what's going on-?"

"Birdie, please!" Gilbert rushed, hiccupping. "I need you to come over, Vati isn't breathing and the ambulance is coming but- fuck, Birdie, my dad's dead!" Gilbert clutched the phone to his ear, sobbing quietly around his hiccups, and Matthew hummed soothingly on the other line.

"I'll have Alfred drive me. I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised. "Do you know CPR, Gil? Every second counts, you need to start right now."

"I-I don't know how!"

"It's alright, calm down," Matthew soothed him again, and Gil could hear a car door closing in the background; Birdie would be here soon. "I'll walk you through it. Put the phone on speaker phone and do as I say until the ambulance shows up." The albino felt a bit calmer listening to his Birdie's quiet voice soothing him and guiding him through it, and he relaxed the slightest bit, his sobs turning into just little hiccups.

Gilbert nodded numbly though Mattie couldn't see him, setting the phone down, and turning speakerphone on. He did as Matthew said, putting his hands firmly on his Vater's chest, right over the breast bone, right in the center of his chest, and doing the compressions. Despite the seriousness of the situation, he found himself laughing bitterly when Matthew told him the beat of his compressions should be the same as the beat to Another One Bites the Dust, and after thirty compressions, he did as Matthew said, pinching Folkert's nose closed and tilting his head back, slotting his mouth over Folkert's and breathing into him twice before doing another set of thirty compressions.

He'd done three sets of the compressions and breaths when the ambulance arrived. The paramedics praised Gilbert for performing CPR and knowing what to do, and they took over as they loaded Folkert into the ambulance. Gilbert didn't join his father in the emergency vehicle; he was scared he'd be in the way and would only fuck it up. Soon, though, Matthew showed up at his house and he was pulled into the Canadian's soothing embrace. He buried his face in the shorter boy's neck, sobbing quietly and pulling him close while Matthew rubbed his back and whispered reassuring nothings to him.

"W-will you come to the hospital with me?" He asked, hiccupping against his best friend's shoulder.

Matthew ran his fingers skillfully through Gilbert's hair, his touch relaxing the albino boy easily. "You stayed at the hospital for two months while I was in a coma, and even when I was out of it but couldn't do anything you still didn't leave... Of course I'll go to the hospital with you." Gilbert nodded weakly against Matthew's shirt, feeling bad when he felt the wetness of his tears and snot on the fabric. Gross... But Mattie just shushed him and stroked his hair some more, and Gilbert relaxed again.

They went back to the car, where Alfred sat in the driver's seat, looking extremely worried. "To the hospital?" The American asked softly, not wanting to upset Gilbert further, and his cousin nodded, climbing into the backseat with Gilbert even though the passenger seat was vacant. He pulled Gilbert down and the albino laid his head in Matthew's lap while they drove, hiccupping quietly, and leaving small, delicate droplets of his tears on Matthew's light blue jeans. Matthew smelled like... Like _Birdie. _Like maple syrup and pancakes and fresh snow and evergreens. Musky like the forest, but young like newly fallen snow, sweet as maple; Gil found himself relaxing in Matthew's embrace, his hiccups reducing to a twitch every few minutes.

The Canadian boy could hardly keep himself from crying along with him. Folkert wasn't his father, but he'd had a deep respect for the man... And seeing Gilbert like this was enough to get Matthew glassy eyed, too. Even as he felt the larger boy practically melt under Matthew's touch, he knew he was hurting. Who wouldn't be? Folkert had been Gilbert's hero, his dad... Matthew smiled a little at the memory of meeting Folkert. Gilbert had accidentally introduced him as, "This is Folkert, my Daddy." Just like a little kid, and Gilbert had then blushed bright red and sputtered his correction (_Dad, this is my Dad._) and Matthew had laughed quietly in amusement, finding the childish name for his father sweet.

Gilbert's hands tightened on Matthew's jeans as another wave of sobbing wracked through him, and Matthew's heart broke just watching. He ran his long fingers through Gilbert's short, choppy silver hair, then down his neck and shoulders to rub between his shoulder blades. "Sh, Gil, I've got you," he whispered, and Gilbert only sobbed harder, clinging to Matthew's legs with all of his strength and hiding his splotchy, tear-streaked face in the light denim of his jeans.

...

At 6:47 PM, Folkert Beilschmidt was declared dead. Brain hemorrhaging being the cause of death, Gilbert swore he'd burn that damned, ugly as fuck rug. Matthew held his best friend as he cried into his shoulder, knowing he needed someone to hold on to in such a rough time. There were lawyers, all asking to talk to Folkert's son to work out the will and such, but Matthew shooed them away with a glare, and even a growl if they got too close. Gilbert needed some more time before he had to deal with all of this.

Never had he ever thought his father would die. It just hadn't been something that could happen in Gilbert's mind. Vati was invincible, and he'd be alive forever and ever and now he was gone. Gone in an instant, and Gilbert couldn't quite process that yet. Just an hour ago his Vater had been fine, if a little grumpy from his headache. The doctor's told Gil that the blood thinners Folkert had been on were to keep the blood from clotting and causing medical complications, but they also prevented clotting in injuries, a nasty side effect. When Folkert had fallen, his body hadn't been able to stop the bleeding in his head, even just a tiny little head injury. He'd bled out; the medication that kept him alive had killed him.

Gilbert didn't remember much after the doctors had told him the news. He remembered flashes of bright lights, long white hallways. He remembered kissing Folkert's cold forehead and saying his last goodbyes. He remembered watching the hospital shrink from the backseat of a car. He remembered the car stopping for a few minutes in front of his house. He remembered Matthew coming back to the car with a bag full of clothes so Gil could stay with them for a while. He remembered suddenly throwing up all over both himself and Matthew. He remembered being washed in the shower, which probably should've embarrassed him but he hadn't really noticed. And then he remembered Matthew helping him get dressed and pulling him into the bed with him. He remembered falling asleep bundled nice and warm and safe in his best friend's arms.

And now he was still there, in his best friend's arms, snuggled comfortably against his chest, but there was the delicious scent of Matthew's pancakes. Matthew gently brushed his fingers through Gilbert's hair. "Wake up," he murmured. He let his hand trail down to rub Gilbert's back, gently rubbing a knot from the muscles. "I made you breakfast in bed, Gil... You can go back to sleep after you eat, I promise." Gilbert made a quiet, unhappy noise, not wanting to move, and Matthew chuckled. "Mm, come on Gil, you can get up to eat _pancakes, _can't you? Canadian pancakes with maple syrup that I made all on my own?~"

Gilbert pouted against Matthew's chest. "You're cruel, tempting me with food better than orgasms." Gilbert felt Matthew's chest vibrate deeply as he rumbled out a quiet chuckle, and Gilbert suddenly realized just how deep Matthew's voice really was. And so early in the morning, it wasn't good for his pride to be thinking about how deep and sultry Matthew's voice naturally sounded, or how good he was with his hands as he massaged the albino's back, or that he was in the Canadians' bed and he was _right there _and-

Dammit, Gilbert hated morning wood.

...

Gil spent the next two weeks in that exact spot; in Mattie's arms, curled up in bed, refusing to do much except eat and use the bathroom and shower. And he only showered and ate because he didn't want to worry Matthew. "You're my best friend, Birdie," he whispered, nuzzling Matthew's sweatshirt with a small, lazy smile. Mattie chuckled quietly, fingers in the same place they had been in since the beginning of this nightmare: Gilbert's hair.

"I know, Gil, and you're mine," he murmured. "You know you are." Matthew felt a pang of desire for something else, for something _more. _Why were those three words so hard? I love you. That's all he had to say. And really, wouldn't a boyfriend or love interest be able to soothe Gilbert more? With kisses and touches instead of these innocent pats and holding Gilbert awkwardly so their hips came nowhere near each other? That said when Matthew opened his mouth to blurt the words out, he froze, and Gilbert looked sleepily up at the other male.

"Hm?" He hummed, fingers bunching up in Matthew's sweatshirt as he yawned, looking as if he were a lazy cat. "What is it, Birdie?"

"O-oh, um, nothing," Matthew finally said after a pregnant pause. "Nothing, I... I forgot what I was going to say. I think it was important, though." He pretended to think, eyebrows furrowing, and Gilbert stretched languidly with another feline-like yawn. "Oh! Um, it's been like, two days. We both need to shower or else we'll stink up the whole house. And... And I have a suggestion, but that can wait until after you're out of the shower."

"Oh, right, shower," Gilbert mumbled, snuggling into Matthew's arms. "I dun wanna get up," he grumbled. The other boy laughed softly, stroking Gilbert's hair.

"Mm, I know, Gil. But come on, I'll shower with you _again."_ Seeing Matthew naked always seemed like a pretty good incentive for the self-proclaimed Prussian, and Matthew watched with amusement as Gilbert's eyes lit up.

"Y-you don't _have _to," Gilbert tried to play it off, trying to hide how excited he was. "I can take a shower on my own, now..."

The smaller of the two laughed softly. "If you really think so~"

Gilbert pouted; great, now he had to take a shower on his own! Dammit... But, he forced a smile and slowly pulled out of Matthew's hold, grabbing some clean clothes. Inside one of his shirt, which Matthew must've grabbed by accident, was a small box. Gilbert grabbed that shirt on purpose, knowing he'd need the box and everything inside it. He hadn't been looking forward to being left alone for the first time in almost two weeks, knowing exactly how his weak willed mind worked.

The albino turned on the water, deciding on a bath, and he grabbed the box, setting it on the side of the tub in case he needed it. He waited for the water to get higher, and then he climbed into the tub and lowered himself into the steaming water. The heat was almost too much, but soon it became relaxing and Gilbert found himself enjoying it.

That's about when the tears came.

With Matthew at his side, Gilbert had felt like he was in a bubble; a bubble of peace and happiness and Birdie. There was no room for tears and sadness in that bubble; the bubble only allowed love and joy inside, and Gilbert's spiraling depression had felt far away inside of it.

But away from the bubble, with his special, forbidden box beside him, Gilbert's own bubble popped. The bubble popped wide open and tears fell, poisoning his bath water with sadness and loss. He listened to Matthew saying something on the other side of the door, something about how he shouldn't take too long and that Mattie was running to the store to grab a few things for his uncle. Gilbert could not have cared less. He said his goodbyes, but they were only temporary. Or maybe they weren't. He'd thought his goodbye to his father was just for a moment. He'd thought his goodnight had been something he would fix with a good morning. So maybe he would never get to heal Matthew's goodbye with a hello.

Gilbert's hands shook as he sank deeper into the tub, getting his hair wet before he began washing it. His fingers worked with mechanical efficiency, cleaning up all dirt and sweat left on the Prussian's skin until he was naked. Tears fell silently, like stealthy soldiers working to undo everything Gilbert had worked so hard to get. A year, wasted. A year of stern "no"s and finding different ways to cope, all down the drain.

His trembling fingers came up from the water, and he shook his hand so the droplets of filthy water flew in all directions, until his hand was just damp and not soaking wet. He carefully opened the box, almost dropping it into the water as his hands shook and shook.

For the first time in over a year, Gilbert's hand came into contact with his former enemy. The source of his almost-downfall. The razorblade glittered excitedly in his hand, ecstatic to be used again after so long. Gilbert's hands shook harder as he examined it, trailing a single finger along the blade's edge. A droplet of blood fell into the water, and Gilbert blinked in mild surprise as his finger bled. He sucked in a quick breath and the droplet of blood spread and dissolved in the water, poisoning his bathwater further.

His arms were too obvious. Matthew would see if he cut there. Gilbert thought carefully before he spread his legs the slightest bit, examining the creamy flesh of his inner thigh. Unmarked, unscarred, perfect for carving. Gilbert reached his hand in the water between his legs, placing the razor blade against his flesh. It bit into his skin but didn't break it, and only when Gilbert's hand moved did it enter his leg. He slid the razor across his inner thigh, watching as the cut widened and began weeping blood. He felt the burn of the razor, the heat of his skin being cut open, and he let out a moan of pain. This pain was good. This pain was better; he could deal with this kind of pain. He set the razor down on the side of the tub and watched as the water turned a murky scarlet. His leg bled and bled, releasing life essence into the water, feeding it. Gilbert suddenly laughed, but he wasn't quite sure what it was for. Matthew was knocking on the door, telling Gilbert he was back.

He must've called back a reply, because Matthew left him alone and Gilbert peacefully watched his blood seep into the water. The poisoned water crept up around Gilbert's shoulders, and he realized absently he was falling into it. He took the plug out with his foot and started the shower to rinse his blood off his skin. It took effort to stand up, more effort than he was used to, and he wondered just how much blood he'd coaxed from himself. More than he'd thought, he realized as the world spun. He sighed, and he allowed the shower to rinse him clean. But, his blood continued flowing, and Gilbert knew deep in his chest that he'd never be clean enough to heal the dirty act he'd preformed.

Birdie knocked on the door again, and Gilbert said something about being out soon. Blood and tears swirled down the drain, but Gilbert didn't much care anymore. The cut on his leg stung, and he focused on that.

The bubble shattered.

**Author's Note: **Okay, so, I feel really embarrassed xD My email wasn't working on my phone, not to my knowledge, so I seriously had no idea I had any reviews on this. I thought no one was reviewing and I felt a bit heartbroken over it, but now I can see that I have quite a few for so early in the story, and I just want to say thank you all so much! I can't reply to any of them, sadly, because my computer is like NOPE CAN'T DO THAT NUH UH

So if you have a question, ask it and I'll try to reply in the AN. Kay? Kay.

I had a lot of issues writing this chapter. My dad has a very, very serious medical issues and he's got about two or three years of living left before I find him dead in his bed or somewhere else, so I was pretty emotional writing that part. I had to take quite a few breaks to calm myself down. My own story made me cry how cool is that?

Anyway, review with questions. Review with thoughts. Review in general. I love listening to all of you, and I'm glad I'm not the only one affected by the story. It's kinda cool I'm so affected by it because even though I know what happens and how it turns out I still start crying so I guess I'm either a really great writer or I forgot to take my pills

Oh! I have a tumblr, everyone :3 n3rd-tac0 dot tumblr dot com. I'll answer questions there and post a few updates; it's usually just been a SuperWhoLock fandom blog, but now I'm trying to get more Hetalia into it and I'll post updates on TSOSS as they come. :3 So follow meeee and you will seeeee a woooorld of pure imaginiationnnnn

I love all of you guys, I really do, and I'll see you next chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

"You'll be alright, won't you?" Birdie asked quietly, holding Gilbert's hand tightly as their eyes locked. Matthew's eyes were wide and filled with unhidden worry, his hand clinging desperately to Gilbert's as he took a step closer; Gilbert's eyes remained blank, slightly unfocused. "You can stay with me longer if you need, Gil, you know you can." He almost sounded pleading as he gave the Prussian's hand a gentle tug. Gil knew that Mattie was worried, but he couldn't find himself capable of caring.

The taller boy pulled his hand slowly out of Matthew's, ignoring the twinge of guilt he felt as the Canadian's expression fell. Birdie looked near tears, staring up at Gilbert in desperation. "I'll be fine, Matthew. I just need things to get back to normal," he said dully; Matthew's eyes filled with tears at the rejection. He _knew _Gilbert wasn't okay. He hadn't been okay for days, ever since he'd come out of that bathroom pale, shaking, and quiet. The quieter boy had done everything he could, making Gilbert pancakes, taking him out to play hockey at the ice rink, cuddling with him on the bed, but none of his tactics had worked and Gilbert only retreated further inside of himself as the days passed.

"Gil, _please,_" he whispered, begging his best friend to just stay a few more nights. He felt like it was a bad idea to leave Gilbert alone. He just... He just didn't _trust_ Gilbert on his own, not after he'd seen the scars that day in the hospital. Gil had said he's fine, but after what happened with his dad, Matthew was anxious that he'd slip up. Gilbert was one of the few treasures Mattie had left, and he'd protect him in every way he could. But how could he protect Gilbert from himself?

But the Prussian said nothing, turning away silently and entering his home. Matthew could hear the door lock behind him; Gilbert was locking him out, and in more than one way. He was left in the cold, shivering a little as he slowly got back into Alfred's car. His cousin looked over at him, his usually taunting, teasing smile soft and caring, almost worried. "Hey, Mattie," he said quietly, reaching across the seat and taking Matthew's hand. For once in his life, Alfred didn't yell or shout, and he kept his boisterous voice at a minimal level, soothingly stroking Matthew's palm with his thumb. He felt the smaller boy relax, looking up at Alfred with glassy eyes.

"Alfred, I- I don't know what to do," Matthew whispered, a sob catching in his throat. He suddenly lunged over the center console, wrapping his arms around Alfred's waist and burying his face in his side. The American rubbed Matthew's back as he sobbed and howled into Alfred's shirt, letting out all of his anger and pain. "He's my best f-friend and I-I can't even h-help him!" He sobbed. Alfred shushed him softly, humming quietly to calm him down.

"Hey, cos', it'll be alright," he whispered, gently pushing Matthew away so he sat back in his own seat, sniffling and looking rather ridiculous with his hair sticking every which way and his glasses askew and smeared with tears. His face looked a mess, really, and Alfred handed him a napkin from the stash he kept in his car, using another one to gently wipe away Matthew's tears. "He needs time to mourn, kiddo. His dad did die, you know? He needs time on his own to mourn his loss and heal."

For once in Matthew's life, Alfred was taking something seriously and was actually giving well thought out advice. "But you don't understand, Al," Matthew whispered. "You don't know him like I do. This... This isn't _him_. That's not Gil. That's not Gil and I'm _scared, _Al!" He began to cry again, though this time he held his sobs at bay, simply letting his tears fall as he sniffled. "He was okay for a while, but now he's... He's... He's... I don't know what he is. But he's different, and not a good different. He's gone. He's vacant; there's no one home. He didn't care that he was hurting me, he didn't care that it broke my heart to see him shrug me off and slam the door on my face and _lock it._"

Alfred listened without interrupting, then began cleaning up Matthew's face again, letting the boy calm down. "Mattie... You have to let Gilbert heal in his own way. Give him space, let him mourn. Be consistent, keep a routine, and let him heal. Tomorrow I'll take you to see him. Okay? And then you're both going back to school; I'll be surprised if they let you pass this year at all if you keep this up. You've missed more school than legally allowed; you're gonna have to go to summer school, and even then I don't know if they'll pass you."

Matthew nodded numbly, slowly buckling his seatbelt, fingers trembling. Alfred continued vocalizing his concern about him, and Matthew felt... Better. Listening to Alfred worry over something so normal made him feel much _better. _For once, Matthew could worry over something simple and light hearted, like school. Not about life-threatening situations, suicidal albinos, abusive parenting, and death; the Canadian didn't even realize that he'd begun to laugh. He laughed happily, sounding near hysterical, laughing with joy because for once he wasn't worrying about something dark and too heavy for Matthew's broad shoulders.

His cousin drove him home, not talking anymore because he was too busy worrying over Matthew's fit of laughter. The insane-sounding laugh bounced off the car's walls, trapping it inside and encasing them with an unstable humorless chortle. Alfred began to chuckle as well, though he wasn't sure why, and soon, the two boys just sat laughing in the car, Alfred doing his best to drive straight while Matthew leaned on his shoulder because his stomach hurt so badly from laughing. Their laughs shortly turned to chuckles, only to burst into full bloom again because Matthew got the hiccups. They laughed as Matthew hiccupped the entire way home, and then Alfred got them, too, and they both let their worries and anxieties seep from their souls through the sounds of a purifying laugh.

And while Matthew laughed, Gilbert cried, his tears tinged red from the blood on his face; it'd gotten there from him wiping his hair back from his eyes, his bloodied arm smearing it across his cheeks. Gilbert's arms dripped on to the bed, staining his sheets crimson as he bled and bled and bled some more. He was tired. He was absolutely exhausted, and he was sick of feeling. All he could feel was pain, both mentally and physically. All he felt was anguish and the sting of his cuts, which had gone a lot deeper than he'd thought. He just wanted the pain to stop. All of it. He couldn't handle it anymore, so he got a fresh razor out and he began creating new pain; this pain, though, was deeper and rougher than any he'd created before. This pain was made to end it. This was the pain of death.

...

"H-hey, Birdie," the voice whispered, sounding just feather light. Matthew never would've recognized the voice for Gilbert's, but the nickname and caller ID gave it away. "I know it's late. I didn't expect you to answer... I just... I love you, okay? I love you and I already miss you. I'm sorry for being such a jerk earlier. You're my best friend, Birdie, and you always will be. Don't forget me, okay? Never forget me." There was silence, and Matthew just barely heard a muffled sob on the other line. Matthew's heart stuttered in his chest before picking up at twice the speed as before as Matthew went into a panic. The message ended with a quiet, mourning goodbye and then Matthew's phone began giving him instructions on what to do next, as if Matthew didn't know after having the damned thing for so long.

The Canadian looked at the clock; it was eight in the morning, and Gilbert had called last night around one. That's seven hours. Seven hours after Gilbert's goodbye and I love you's and Matthew couldn't get dressed fast enough. He didn't bother with a shirt, only grabbing some sweat pants and Alfred's car keys. Alfred would be angry, sure, but it was for a good cause. As long as Matthew didn't get pulled over, he should be fine... Gilbert could be dead on the floor for all Matthew knew, and he wasn't about to slow down just to ask Alfred to drive him. Especially when he could hear Arthur in the other room, letting out a soft cry and then Alfred grunting quietly, and Matthew's face flushed a light pink as he scurried from the living room and out into the cold. The sun shone dully through the thick clouds; it was starting to snow.

The snow fell slowly, gracefully landing on Matthew's head and shoulders as he ran down the driveway to where the car was parked at the curb. He fumbled with the keys before remembering he could unlock it automatically, and his hands shook as he pressed a button, hearing the locks clicking inside the car as they unlatched. He jumped inside of the vehicle and started it with trembling fingers, slamming the door closed behind him. As soon as the car started, the radio came on, blasting through the speakers at top volume, and Matthew jumped and hit his head on the roof of the car, immediately turning the sound down; damn Alfred and his neglectfulness.

The front of the car seemed to gobble the road up as Matthew sped towards Gilbert's house, tears blurring his vision. He was lucky he didn't get in a crash, really, and soon enough Gilbert's house was in front of him. He pulled into the driveway, hiccupping as he ran up the front porch and slammed his fist on the door. No one answered, and Matthew abandoned any manners he had and grabbed the handle; locked. Quietly thanking himself for playing hockey and gaining so much muscle, the Canadian took a step back and brought his leg back, snapping it forward. He heard the wood of the door snap, and he saw the fracture, and the door swung open before falling in on the floor.

The quiet teenage boy ran straight to Gilbert's room, ignoring the splotches of blood on the wood floors. The house felt empty and abandoned, like no one had really lived in it for a long time. Gil's bedroom door was locked as well, so Matthew gave it the same treatment as anything else that got in his way to save Gilbert; he kicked it down. He almost threw up at the stench of blood in the room, and then he gagged at the sight of Gilbert.

The albino boy's skin was stained red, every inch of it. He lay in his boxers in the very center of the king-sized mattress, looking almost peaceful, though Matthew could see the way his chest frantically took in air, desperately fighting for oxygen. Mattie immediately took out his cell phone and called 911, telling them they had a suicide attempt; there was incredible blood loss, and then Matthew told them the address and hung up. He ignored the wet sounds the bed made as Matthew climbed onto it, kissing Gilbert's blood-smeared forehead and cradling his head in his lap. The albino's eyes fluttered and he looked up at Matthew with wonder.

"Are you an angel?" He asked weakly, and Matthew continued soothingly stroking Gilbert's hair, pretending his own tears weren't falling.

"No, not an angel. Just your best friend."

"Did... Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Wait, damn... I said that wrong," the albino muttered, and Matthew let out a choked, shocked laugh.

"You're almost dead and you're trying to use pick up lines on me?" He asked incredulously, voice cracking towards the end, and Gilbert smiled up at him. The smile wasn't strong and cocky like Gilbert's usually were, but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see~"

"Oh, god, Gil... Come on, I gotta take you to the living room for when the ambulance gets here." Matthew brushed his fingers one last time through Gilbert's hair before putting his arms under Gilbert's legs and neck, hauling him off the bed, and carrying him to the front room where they could be easily found.

They sat in silence, sirens howling in the distance and slowly getting closer. Matthew rapped rags around Gilbert's arms to keep him from bleeding any more, kissing his forehead. "How could you do this to yourself, Gil?" He asked, voice soft and yet filled with fury. "Don't you care about yourself? Or me? Didn't you realize how much this would hurt us both?"

Gilbert looked at Matthew with eyes that had grown older over the course of a few hours, mouth set in a straight, taught line. He reached for Matthew's hand, and Matthew twined their fingers together, lifting the hand to his lips to kiss Gilbert's knuckles. "Birdie, I... I didn't think. I didn't think at all. All I did was felt, and all I knew was that I didn't want to feel anything anymore... But I called you for a reason. Because... Because some feelings are worth hurting over, Mattie. Especially the ones I feel for you."

Matthew's breath caught in his throat. Gilbert _had _said he loved him on the phone, but Matthew had assumed it was in a friendship kind of way. What if..? What if his feelings were returned? What if Gilbert had fallen in love with Matthew the way Matthew had fallen in love with Gil? "Gil... Do you mean..?"

Gilbert smiled, squeezing Matthew's hand. The smile seemed a bit more light-hearted than the other ones had, less heavy and sad. "Birdie, I lo-"

At that moment, at _that very moment, _the paramedics chose to run in and push Matthew aside, picking Gilbert up and setting him on the stretcher. They shouted at each other big words that Matthew didn't understand; all he could really focus on was the panic in Gilbert's eyes as they took him away.

Matthew jumped into the ambulance with Gilbert and held his hand, watching as the albino calmed down immediately and relaxed. The paramedics worked around Matthew to get an IV started, and soon, they were whisked away to the hospital to treat Gilbert's self-inflicted wounds.

...

"Move in with me," he said quietly, and the other boy leaned in closer as if he hadn't heard.

"I'm sorry, Gil, I didn't quite catch that. Did you just ask me to move in with you?"

Gilbert's hand snaked out from beneath his hospital blanket, wrapping around Matthew's wrist and yanking him closer so his lips brushed Matthew's ear. "Move in with me, Birdie."

Matthew shivered, but pretended it was because of the chill of the room. "Gil..."

"Birdie, you _are _legally emancipated. You can move in with me; I have a few extra rooms for you to stay in. And... And it'll be good for both of us. I won't be alone, and you won't have to deal with walking into the kitchen to get food only to see Alfred and Arthur fucking against the fridge."

Matthew shivered again, this time out of horror. "God, that was awful... And I don't know, Gil, where would I get the money to help you pay rent?" Gilbert's father had left the house to a distant relative, who let Gilbert stay there by himself and pay a tiny bit of rent.

"Mattie, I pay, like, $50 a month. And you don't eat very much... You wouldn't have to pay a cent."

The Canadian chewed on his bottom lip in contemplation, and Gilbert stayed silent to allow Matthew to think it over. Gilbert himself was lying in the hospital bed, covered by about twenty different blankets to keep him warm while cold fluids were pumped into him. Plus, blood loss could make anyone very, very cold.

Suddenly, Matthew said, "Okay." That was it. Nothing else. That was all they needed, anyway. And Gilbert smiled, looking the happiest he had in quite a while. The smile was light and carefree with just a hint of cocky in it that made Matthew's heart melt. Everything about Gilbert, everything he did, the way he moved, the way he acted, everything about him made Matthew fall more and more in love.

And Gilbert could hardly keep from yanking his best friend down and kissing the hell out of him. It took all of his self control not to. He didn't remember much of before the ambulance came, but he knew he'd been a second away from admitting his feelings out loud to Matthew. And Matthew had looked... He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if he'd read Matthew correctly- there was no way Matthew really looked _hopeful-_ and so he didn't want to risk bringing it up again. Instead, when Matthew had shyly hinted at it, he'd played dumb. He'd said he had no clue, must've been rambling, what with him bleeding out and all.

Matthew's face had fallen just the slightest bit, and Gilbert felt his heart tear in his chest, but... There was no way Matthew really loved Gilbert back. No, there was no way in hell.

And Matthew was saying the same thing to himself, even as he held Gilbert's hand and played with his fingers, which were cold and shaking. He took the hand between both of his own and leaned down to breathe on Gilbert's hand, then rubbed the skin, hoping to get him warmer. Gilbert smiled appreciatively at Matthew, squeezing his hand as a thank you.

"You're the best best-friend I could ever ask for," Gilbert said honestly, though he wished with all his heart that he could say more. He wanted to be able to say something like, _you're the best best-friend I've ever had, but I love you in a different way. More in a I want to be with you the rest of your life and make love to you under the stars and hold you at night kind of way._

And Matthew smiled; even if he couldn't have the albino like he wanted, he could appreciate this. "And you're mine," he murmured. "My best best-friend ever." Gilbert beamed, looking happier than he had in a while. Matthew was almost positive that the hint of longing in his smile and eyes wasn't just his imagination, though.

**Author's Note: **Okay so I didn't look through any of this. I sat down and I wrote it and it's been so long since I've updated- compared to how I usually update- that I didn't bother editing. So there'll be mistakes, most likely. And don't forget to follow me on Tumblr for updates and questions! w ww n3rd-tac0 dot tumblr dot com :3

Sorry for the wait, but here it is. Until next time~

Oh, and review, please. Tell me what you think about this new chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

Away from the chill of the hospital, the sounds of IVs dripping, and the constant alarms going off, Matthew began to relax. As the days blurred to weeks, the weeks to months, Matthew couldn't help but realize just how comfortable and peaceful he really was. Sure, it might have something to do with the occasional blunt he shared with Gilbert, but he liked to think it was more that he was _happy. _Gilbert's smiles and hugs, the days they spent lounging on the couch drinking hot chocolate while it snowed outside in a spring storm, playing video games and eating pancakes, smoking a bowl, enjoying each other's company... It all made Matthew feel so content, and he was happy to forgive and forget. Forgive Gilbert for his near deadly suicide attempt, forgive Gilbert's ignorance and forget that Gilbert didn't really love him like Matthew did.

Forgive and forget, Matthew would repeat to himself. He would always forgive and forget when it came to Gilbert.

And when Gilbert started getting nightmares and Matthew woke up one night to a shriek in Gil's bedroom, he hadn't hesitated to grab his stuffed bear and blanket and climb into Gilbert's bed with him, curling against his side and smoothing down his spiky hair that really needed cut. Gilbert had woken up terrified, his eyes wide as he stared at Matthew in fear. "Birdie?" He'd asked, and Matthew had simply snuggled closer, arms wrapped around Gilbert's waist. The self-proclaimed Prussian had stayed stiff for a few more moments before wrapping his arms around Matthew's hips and keeping him pressed to his chest, nose buried in the smaller boy's hair.

That's how it started, and every night since then, Matthew climbed into Gilbert's bed and held him while he slept, and Gilbert's nightmares slowly retreated, leaving him content to dream.

One of the first things Matthew had done when he'd moved in was make Gilbert go to Jillian. Matthew still did once every three weeks, and Gilbert now went twice a week to talk and rant and check in. Matthew was proud of his best friend for trying to heal and get better, and Gilbert seemed proud of himself every time he walked back inside, shaking snow from his hair. Over the time they'd known each other, Gilbert's body had grown taller and taller. Matthew wasn't very short, but he felt dwarfed by Gilbert's 6'2" stature. Even Gilbert didn't seem to know what to do with himself.

The albino walked like he didn't know what to do with his gangly limbs, though he was slowly but surely filling out and gaining muscle. Matthew watched as Gilbert had to duck through doorways and didn't know what to do with his long legs when he sat down, always letting out a soft chuckle watching Gilbert struggle.

Their height difference seemed even more whenever they'd hug. Matthew was short enough compared to Gilbert that whenever he hugged him, he was at the same height as his heart, and he could hear the muscle thumping along inside his chest. Gilbert had to lean down just to bury his nose in Matthew's hair, making it a conscious gesture that just felt awkward and too friendly.

They managed to get back into school and they caught up after several hours of tutoring and after school classes, and all they had to do was attend summer school and they'd both pass. Their group had migrated inside when the weather had gotten too bad, but now they began venturing into the woods again, sitting at their tree and chatting as they ate lunch. By that time of the day, the air had lost its springtime chill, and they could comfortably go without jackets or long sleeves. Gilbert was even daring enough to start wearing shorts again, and after Gilbert did, everyone else started to follow.

The whole world felt right and peaceful with Matthew. Everything felt like it was healing and growing.

But, some days, everything crashed down around him. Matthew would spend days at a time smiling and playing with Gilbert before spending an entire day locked in his room, crying and hysterically hugging a pillow as everything caught up to him. His mother was in prison for trying to murder him. Gilbert's dad was dead. He had no one left except for Gilbert, Alfred, and his uncle. Even Gilbert made him cry, simply because Matthew knew that Gilbert didn't love him the way Matthew loved Gilbert. And he cried because Gilbert still struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts occasionally, and he cried because he didn't want there to be anything to cry about, but there he was, crying like a baby.

Every few days, this emotional waterfall would hit him and Matthew would stay locked in his room, sobbing to himself. Gilbert would try to help, would hold Matthew in his arms while he sobbed into his chest, but after a while Matthew would start to yell in French and Gilbert would leave before the little Canadian got too angry. That always seemed to help, since Matthew would stop yelling and start crying.

And Matthew didn't even understand what was going on. Whenever he'd need to yell at Gilbert for caring and being there for him without knowing what he wanted in French, Gilbert would run away and Matthew would scowl at the pillow as he sobbed harder. He spoke fluent French, but writing was a different story, which was why he struggled in his French class. Speaking: easy. Writing and spelling: nope.

The next day, the Canadian would say nothing, and Gilbert learned not to bring it up. Things would go back to normal until everything built up again and Matthew would spend another day cooped in his room screaming, and then the process would repeat. And Gilbert would never admit it, but Matthew was acting much like his abusive mother.

And then It happened.

...

"French is _not _just Spanish and English mixed together with a fancy accent!" Matthew yelled, scowling, and Francis nodded his agreement while Antonio stared at them.

"But it is! That's all it is!" He groaned, and Francis huffed indignantly.

"Come on, Matthieu, we do not have to associate ourselves with such lowly, not-French filth!" Francis said, nose in the air as he held his chin up. Matthew laughed, smiling at him kindly.

"Go get your food, Francis. Antonio and I will meet you outside, 'kay?" He asked, and Francis pouted before grinning and nodded, kissing them both on the cheek before dashing off. Antonio looked unphased by the gesture, and Matthew probably did as well, since he'd gotten so used to Francis's ways. The Canadian boy smiled up at the tanned Spaniard, who was just an inch or so taller than he was. "Let's go find Gilbert, oui?"

"Si! He owes me a beer!"

Matthew snorted, looping his arm through Antonio's with a friendly smile; the two had grown close over their year as friends. They made their way out of the crowded halls of the school, and then began the walk out to their tree. Over the year, the teachers had noticed them going into the woods, and so they'd hired someone to clean up the forest to keep dirty teenagers from messing too much up. So, as they walked, Matthew didn't step on any squelching condoms or crunch any plastic bottles beneath his feet. The forest was clean and Matthew was proud to say his group of friends was the reason, even if they hadn't done it themselves.

Matthew stumbled over the occasional branch, and Antonio would always catch him before he fell, and Matthew did the same for Antonio when the Spanish boy would stumble. They laughed at their own clumsiness, and were still giggling like little girls when they stumbled upon It. Antonio was the first to notice, arm shooting out to hold Matthew back and shush him; It hadn't noticed them yet. Matthew's eyes felt glued to It, his heart stuttering to a temporary halt in his chest before picking up at a faster pace. Anger flashed behind his eyes, and he took a step forward to intervene, only for Antonio to snap out and grab Matthew's shoulder, gripping him hard enough to leave a bruise.

The Canadian hardly felt the pain, but turned around anyway to see what he was doing. Antonio's eyes burned with an almost insane fury, and his grip on Matthew's shoulder suddenly made sense. Matthew stared with calm fierceness at It, then gently took Antonio's hand and led him away from the scene. They met Francis just a meter away, and the Frenchman noticed the anger radiating from them.

"What are you two so pissed about?" He asked, too loud to not be heard by It. Only then did Francis seem to notice It behind them, at their tree, and his eyes widened. He shoved his food at Matthew, who held it without question, watching tensely as Francis stalked over to the two. "Vous imbécile ignorant!" **(You ignorant fool!)** Francis shouted, and Matthew blinked in mild surprise. "Vous petite baise, comment pourriez-vous faire ça à notre bébé Matthieu?" **(You little fuck, how could you do that to our baby Matthew?) **Matthew flushed, glad Gilbert didn't understand what Francis was saying.

Gilbert jumped in alarm, staring at Francis with wide eyes. Lovina stayed where she was, arms wrapped around Gilbert's neck, fingers in his hair where they didn't belong. Gilbert had one hand up her shirt, cupping her breast while the other was up her skirt and cupping her ass. They were in the exact same position as Antonio and Matthew had found them, only now they weren't viciously making out. Matthew's chest began to ache, as if someone had stabbed him, and he set Francis's lunch down to sag against Antonio's chest. Antonio held Matthew close, staring at the guilty two with unabashed fury while he stroked Matthew's hair.

"How could you, you ignorant fuck?" Francis growls out in heavily accented English, almost as angry as Matthew and Antonio. Matthew had known Francis was protective of him, but he hadn't imagined he was _this _protective. Fierce and furious, Francis began barking insults in French again while Matthew swayed, feeling about ready to pass out. Gilbert couldn't have... No... It finally seemed to catch up to him, and Matthew suddenly turned around.

The Canadian looked over his shoulder, meeting Gilbert's eyes. The albino looked pleading, begging for forgiveness, but Matthew didn't even have to glare to show Gilbert his cold fury. Gilbert cringed, and Matthew turned back towards the school as Antonio followed behind him like a kicked puppy. An angry, angry kicked puppy.

The two went back to the school, and one shared look between the two spoke volumes. They chose to go back into the hallways, toward their lockers, both standing close to the other for comfort. Antonio kept an arm around Matthew's shoulders, while Matthew looped an arm around Antonio's slender waist, leaning heavily against him just as the Spaniard leaned against Matthew. They didn't part until the bell rang to signal the beginning of class, and then they scurried to their next hour.

Matthew felt nervous because he sat next to Gilbert in that class, and found the moping albino in his seat, looking like he'd been crying. When Matthew felt his hand on his knee trying to get his attention, he turned in his seat and slapped Gilbert across the face. He had to admit, it felt good. The teacher stared at the two in shock, as did the rest of the class, while Gilbert's head remained looking aside where Matthew had smacked it. The Canadian slowly turned to face forward in his seat, and when the teacher opened her mouth to question him, Matthew interrupted her by saying, "I'm sorry, his face is just so slappable." That got a few laughs, and the teacher scolded Matthew before continuing on with class.

Gilbert very, very slowly turned his head back to face Matthew, eyes big and pleading and tears already slipping down his cheeks. But Matthew had never been quite as angry as he was now, and Gilbert's hurt feelings wouldn't make it go away. He glared at Gilbert until the other boy realized he wasn't getting anywhere and focused on his homework.

At the end of the day, Matthew rode home with Gilbert in silence, and then went immediately to his room, ignoring Gilbert's quiet questions and apologies as he slammed the door. The Canadian slowly curled up in his bed, wrapping his arms around his pillow and letting his anger melt down into tears. He didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to be mad at Gilbert, not ever... So he let his anger turn into sadness and regret, into jealousy and hurt. That explained it more. Hurt. Matthew felt more hurt than he'd thought capable.

In the other room, Gilbert was staring back and forth between Matthew's closed bedroom door and his cell phone. He had a hunch, and even ignorant Gilbert couldn't ignore what was happening. And so, after a few minutes of silent debate, Gil clicked a few buttons on his phone and put it to his ear, going to his own room so Mattie wouldn't be able to hear him.

"Who the hell is this?"

"Lovina, it's me."

Silence. "Oh. What do you want?"

Gilbert shifted on his feet, slowly sinking down on to his bed; his new mattress welcomed him, and he lay down on his back. He had to get a new mattress because his old one had been soggy with blood. "I just... We can't do that again. What we did at lunch. We can't, not anymore."

"Why the hell not? Just because those bastards didn't like it-"

"Lovi, it's not that they didn't like it, it's that they were angry. They were _jealous."_

"What the hell does that mean? They were fucking jealous of what?" The Italian's voice only got angrier as the conversation continued.

"Of us, Lovina! They were jealous of us! Don't you get it? Antonio... He _likes _you. He _really _likes you."

More silence, and then Gilbert could almost hear her shy smile as she asked, "... Really? You think he likes me?"

"Well, he's jealous of one of us, and it isn't me. So... Yeah, I think he really likes you. And I think as soon as you hang up on me you should call him and apologize and give him a chance."

Immediately following a shriek and an excited giggle, the line went dead. Gilbert rolled his eyes, setting his phone aside. Even someone as absentminded as Gilbert could see how jealous the Spaniard and Canadian were... And the quieter of the two wasn't into chicks, so Gilbert was able to put two and two together. After months of being best friends, Gilbert realized that Matthew did indeed like him as more. Gilbert's feelings were returned, hopefully... Well, most likely. Most likely returned. Um, well, definitely. Definitely returned.

The albino got up off his comfy bed and padded down the hallway, stopping just in front of Matthew's door. The door had a Canadian flag hanging down it, and Gilbert took a moment to breathe before he knocked.

"Birdie..? Birdie, can I come in?" A hesitant voice asked, a light knock sounding on the door. "Birdie, can we talk about this? I want to know what you're thinking... Please," the voice broke. "Please, Birdie, talk to me..."

Matthew considered kicking Gilbert out again and not allowing him entrance, but decided it wouldn't help anything, so he croaked out that Gilbert could come inside. Immediately, the door swung open and Gilbert lunged on to the bed, pulling Matthew up into his arms in his lap and rocking him back and forth.

"Mattie... Birdie, I'm so sorry. Talk to me."

"You're a jerk," Matthew whispered, arms wrapping around Gilbert's shoulders as he hid his face in Gilbert's chest. "You're a big, stupid jerk."

"I know, babe."

"A-and you're ignorant and you never can see what's right in front of you and God, Gil, you're just so _stupid._"

"I think we're both pretty stupid, Birdie."

Matthew glared up at Gilbert and lightly smacked his chest. "That doesn't help! I'm not the stupid one; you are."

"I think we're both pretty stupid... Because Birdie... Dammit, Matthew." Gilbert growled low in his throat in frustration, shaking hands gently taking Matthew's chin and tilting it up so Matthew was forced to look up at him. His big violet eyes were glassy and tears fell steadily down his face; Gilbert used his free hand to gently brush the stray tears away. Matthew's breathing sounded a bit shallow, and Gilbert's own breathing was quick and uneven, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Gil?" Matthew asked softly, unsure of what Gilbert was doing. His voice shook the smallest bit, but Gilbert couldn't mistake the distinct sound of _hope. _"Gil, what are you-?"

The Canadian boy was interrupted by the distinct feeling of lips on his own. He was confused at first, unsure of what was going on, before he realized that _holy mother of god Gilbert was kissing him._

And he was totally okay with it.

Matthew's arms flew around Gilbert's neck, pressing his body flush against the self proclaimed Prussian's and molding against it. Gilbert seemed pleased with the reaction, hands on Matthew's waist to keep him close. "I love you, Birdie," Gilbert whispered against Matthew's lips, and Matthew pulled away with a soft groan.

"I love you, too, you dummy," he said breathlessly, and then they were kissing again, this time allowing their mouths to open and their tongues to explore and play. Their legs tangled, Matthew's fingers in Gilbert's hair and Gilbert's hands trailing down to grab Matthew's hips. Matthew simply couldn't help but to let out a wanton moan, breaking the kiss and letting his head fall back to expose his tanned throat. Gilbert immediately lunged, pressing playful kitten kisses along the exposed skin before he began biting, sucking and marking up the otherwise perfect neck.

Matthew made his pleasure known by humming. They sat there together, Gilbert sitting cross-legged while Matthew pressed against him with his legs on either side of Gilbert's hips. Gilbert left love bites along the curve of Matthew's throat, and Matthew gave a light tug on Gilbert's shirt. Immediately, Gilbert pulled away and tugged his shirt over his head, allowing Matthew to be able to run his fingers along the sculpted planes of his chest.

And that's where Gilbert made the mistake.

As gentle as he could possibly be, he laid Matthew down on his back and hovered over him, continuing to kiss his neck without realizing how stiff and unresponsive the other boy had become.

Matthew stiffened even more, eyes wide and his heart jumping into his throat, beating a million miles a minute. Shit shit shit shit shit. Trapped. Matthew was trapped. Matthew was trapped and what was Gilbert doing on top of him, whispering sweet nothings and I love you's and trapped. Matthew was trapped between this man and a bed and Matthew was trapped.

The Canadian boy used his hockey muscles and shoved. He shoved Gilbert's shoulders and launched off the bed, freed at last. He bolted into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. Safe. This was safe, this wasn't trapped, this was okay.

Almost as soon as Matthew realized just how embarrassed he was, Gilbert knocked on the door, obviously very worried and confused. "Mattie? Birdie, are you okay? ... Did I go too far?"

Matthew opened his mouth to speak, but then realized that he just couldn't. So instead, he slowly opened the bathroom door and peaked up at Gilbert. "I just... I need a few minutes," he whispered. "You were over me and I couldn't move and... I'm sorry, Gil, I got scared..."

Immediately, Gilbert's expression softened, and he took a step back to give Matthew space. "Hey, Birdie, it's okay. Calm down and get some air; I'll be in the living room when you're ready." He turned to leave, but was stopped by an urgent call of his name. He turned his head, smiling softly at Matthew. "Mm?"

"I... I love you, Gil." Matthew said softly, feeling as if it needed to be said before Gilbert left.

Gilbert's smile turned into a big grin, and he nodded happily. "I love you, Matthew."

Gilbert left for the living room and Matthew shut the door, opening the bathroom window and sitting on the counter to let the breeze hit his face. He took a few deep breaths, calming down as Gilbert's words rang through his head. He bit his lip, trying not to smile, but quickly found he couldn't help it. He smiled, and the smile widened to a huge grin, and soon he was laughing madly. "I love him. I love him and he loves me and I'm not trapped at all."

**Author's Note: **I decided to end it on a sweet note. They're together, all is good, and all is well... Hurray! But more is to come for our new couple. Not all of it is good.

But whatevs ;)

So, reviews. Reviews are good, reviews are great... Review and stuff and I'll love you forever. No one's had any questions, so I haven't had any to respond to, but if you do have questions, ask them in a review and I'll answer them in the next Author's Note.

Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr for SuperWhoLock and Hetalia goodness (as well as me being a derp), and I'll talk to ya'll in a few days!


	9. Chapter 9

It took some time. Matthew paced the bathroom, the cold tile jolting him with each step he took. Light from the window hit his eyes, blinding him for seconds at a time every time he turned a certain way. He crossed his arms and uncrossed them, then went to open the door and kiss the hell out of his (boyfriend? His lover? His best friend? All three?) before he closed it and began to pace again. He shoved his hands in his pockets, then took them out and crossed his arms once more, huffing in irritation before he went to open the door again. The thing was, Matthew felt nervous. He was nervous and scared and unsure of what was going to happen when he opened that door. His hands shook, trembling the slightest bit, and as his fingers touched the door knob a sharp pang of fear rang through his chest and he withdrew his arm with a quick intake of startled breath.

He couldn't do this. No, he couldn't... He loved Gilbert, yeah, but he couldn't face him after what he'd done! Matthew had run away when Gilbert did nothing but love him and hold him... Matthew had felt trapped when Gilbert had tried kissing away his insecurities. And that wasn't good! That wasn't supposed to happen! Matthew was supposed to be happy, and excited, and eager as hell to get down and dirty! Right?

But no. Matthew didn't feel happy, or excited, or eager to rip off Gil's clothes. He felt nervous, shocked, and hesitant.

It was that thought that pulled him from his rut. After almost a half hour of pacing and going through these thoughts over and over only to end up back where he started, a new thought occurred to the scattered Canadian. There were two people to worry about, now. He was in a kind of relationship with Gilbert, now, and Gilbert's feelings needed to be taken into account, too. Oh, shit, Gilbert was probably freaking out in the living room right now... Wondering what he'd done wrong, worrying he'd pushed it too far, unsure of how to fix it, when really there was nothing to fix. Matthew just needed some time to think was all, some time to figure out his thoughts. But Gilbert didn't know that! Gilbert thought he'd done something wrong and had trapped Matthew and oh, Matthew had to go show him it was okay!

He had to get out there. He had to show Gilbert that it was okay now, even if it wasn't. But after thinking these things through, Matthew realized that there really wasn't anything wrong anymore. He'd come to peace with himself, and now he could hardly wait to throw himself at Gilbert and give him all he had, all he wanted, whether it be his body or his heart or both.

He could do this. Of course he could; he was Matthew fucking Williams, and though he'd never done this relationship thing before, he'd fucked. And Gilbert would probably want that, right? Matthew could do fucking. Matthew could do that.

But it was different this time! This time it was with Gilbert. Gilbert, the boy- the man? - he'd been in love with for almost nine months now. This time it was Gilbert, the tall, the broad shouldered, muscled, albino teen with the laugh and the hugs and the way he _kissed _and fuck he couldn't do this. Matthew felt like he was choking on every breath, even though he'd just built up his resolve seconds before. God, this was _Gilbert. _Gilbert, the boy who'd never done this sort of thing, who was probably nervous beyond belief sitting out there, wondering if Matthew would ever come out... Gilbert. Gilbert, the boy Matthew loved.

And suddenly, Matthew felt his insecurities melt away, even the ones about being in a relationship, and he pushed the door open. His moment of pride was ruined when he jumped a little as the door slammed against the wall, but no one saw, so he could always just say the moment was manly and shit if he told the story in the future. He flushed a little in embarrassment, then straightened up, pushed his shoulders back and made his way determinedly to the living room, where Gilbert said he'd be waiting.

Finally Matthew felt confident, and it didn't fade as he popped his head passed the doorway. Gilbert sat on the couch, legs splayed over the arm of the sofa as he laid across it, looking almost bored, but Matthew could easily spot the tension in his shoulders, the way he was chewing at his lip nervously, looking unsure and childlike as he rung his hands. Matthew felt a bit guilty for making him wait so long. Again, the relationship thing was new to him, and it was new to Gilbert... But Matthew knew how to screw like rabbits, which Gilbert didn't know how to do at all, and Matthew could try to go with that. That would be easiest, after all.

And Gilbert looked so good like that, sprawled out, looking awkward as he tried to fit his long frame on the small love seat. He still wasn't wearing a shirt, so Matthew could at least admire his chest and abdomen for a few moments before he just couldn't take it anymore. He _had _to have him, there and then, on the couch or the floor or on the wall... It didn't matter. And Matthew didn't even care who bottomed or topped, or if there was any penetration involved at all. The only man he'd ever slept with he'd been very adamant that he topped, not wanting to allow some one night stand to take his virginity like that. But Matthew knew that, even if Gilbert wasn't the one he'd be with forever, he wouldn't regret giving him that. How could anyone regret giving something that special to the one they loved, even if it wasn't the last?

So, with determination setting his mouth in a straight line, Matthew pounced. He straddled Gilbert's hips and kissed him with a burning _need, _hands on his shoulders to keep himself in place. Gilbert's lips felt hesitant and not just a little surprised against his own, but they were soft and warm, just the slightest bit chapped from the cold weather, and Matthew felt like their lips molded together perfectly.

Gilbert's eyes widened in surprise as a lithe teenager jumped on him and attacked his mouth, definitely not expecting his little Birdie to be so forward. He placed his hands on Matthew's hips to keep him steady, kissing him back for just a moment before pulling back and staring at him in shock. He'd been so nervous that he'd screwed up and pushed Mattie away forever, but here he was, much feistier than he'd ever imagined. Matthew growled a little, trying to kiss him again, but Gilbert insistently pushed him away. "Birdie, stop," he said quietly. He pecked his lips lightly in reassurance. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Matthew whined quietly, wriggling closer with an almost desperate need burning in his violet eyes. How could anyone's eyes be that color? Gilbert asked himself. Mattie's eyes were violet and blue, and they were currently pleading for Gilbert to let them just kiss without the emotional talk. "I'm fine, Gil... Just let me stay up here, on top. Until I'm more comfortable." He tried to kiss him again, but Gilbert stubbornly kept him at bay, causing Matthew to frown. "You didn't do anything wrong, Gilbert, I promise. I just got scared; I haven't done this kind of thing, not ever. I needed time to put my thoughts in order."

Gilbert softened a little, allowing Matthew to come closer. He leaned up and kissed his- boyfriend? -softly, keeping it short and sweet. "We don't have to do anything but this. Remember, I'm a virgin. I'm a bit nervous about doing anything further..."

The smaller boy practically melted into the kiss, relaxing completely into Gilbert's touch. "I know, and... I mean, we don't _have _to do anything sexual." Though his tone obviously implied that that was what he wanted. Matthew sat up a little more, then changed his mind and pressed his body flush against Gilbert's, burrowing his face in Gil's neck. "It's just a lot easier. Sex, I mean. It's a lot easier than talking and relationship things."

Gilbert tried not to laugh, and it came out as a soft, affectionate chuckle. "I've never done either of these things, you know. Sex or relationships. But I think we need to start with the relationship part before I'm comfortable doing anything else." Gil ran his fingers down Matthew's muscled back, kissing the top of his head. He swung his legs off the arm of the couch, causing Matthew to squeak in surprise as he was almost thrown off. The Prussian held him closer and sat up against the back of the couch so that they weren't laying down anymore, finding this position much more comfortable, since he could stretch out without worrying about knocking a lamp off the table. Matthew almost immediately made himself comfortable again, wriggling a bit before relaxing against Gilbert's upper body and lazily resting his head on his shoulder.

"Okay, then let's talk," the quiet teen murmured, fingers trailing down Gilbert's arm in a way that made Gil quite sure that Matthew wanted to do anything but talk. "Where should we start..?"

"Oh, um, how about... What are we, right now?" Gilbert repressed a shiver, trying not to let Matthew know just how much he was being affected while the younger boy's hot breath hit his ear.

"What are we?" Matthew breathed, and this time, Gilbert couldn't help but shudder in want. God dammit, Matthew... "I think... Well, I guess we could be dating. Do you want to date me, Gil? Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Gilbert trailed his fingers up and down Matthew's back, but his head was suddenly filled with images of looking in the mirror to see his own back covered in scratch marks from Matthew's nails. He stopped. "Yeah, Birdie, I'd love to be your boyfriend. Are we going to tell people?"

"Unless you want to keep it a secret, I have no problem with telling people," Matthew purred, and Gilbert tried to pull back the slightest bit. Damn, Matthew _really _didn't want to talk.

"I'll scream it from the rooftops, Mattie," Gilbert said honestly, grinning widely in boyish joy. "I've wanted to be able to say that for the whole school year."

Matthew sighed breathily, still incredibly close to Gilbert's ear. "I love you, Gil..." For the first time in this conversation, Matthew wasn't focused on tearing Gilbert's clothes off. He wanted Gilbert to know just how much Matthew loved him and just how happy he was that they were finally dating. So, instead of lightly biting his earlobe and trailing kisses down his neck like he wanted to, Matthew pulled away and pressed a soft, sweet kiss to Gilbert's lips, letting himself linger there longer than he had planned to. When the kiss broke, Matthew was grinning ear to ear. "I'm happier than I was when we went to Canada for our school trip."

"I love you, too, Birdie," Gilbert whispered after the kiss, and then he snorted and began to laugh. "You're such a freak for Canada."

"Don't make fun of Canada, eh," Matthew said seriously, then grinned, and kissed Gilbert again, this time a bit longer. "Now, can we go back to the bedroom? I want to celebrate~"

Gilbert shifted a little uncomfortably, cheeks tinted pink. "Mattie, I don't know if I'm ready for that... I mean, I know I am I'm just... Really nervous..." He felt a bit ridiculous. Here he was, Gilbert the Awesome, the Prussian, the awesomest guy _ever, _blushing and fidgeting like a school girl. And Matthew, the boy who seemed like the one who'd be blushing and fidgeting here, was smirking and climbing off Gilbert's lap, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his feet, a dangerous gleam in his violet eyes.

"I'll get you warmed up, Gil, and some of the nervousness will go away, I promise," he whispered, eyes darker with the slightest hint of lust. Gilbert gulped audibly, eyes wide open as his boyfriend led him down the hallway. "Your bedroom or mine?"

"My bed is bigger," Gilbert said automatically, biting his lip a little as a nervous habit as he was led to the door. It was still open, and Matthew pulled him inside, then pushed him on to the bed before turning around to close the door, locking it in case Alfred, Francis, or Antonio stopped by for a surprise visit. When he turned back to face Gilbert, he softened the slightest bit and forgot about his urgent desire to fuck. Gilbert looked so scared and small on the big bed with his wide scarlet eyes focused on Matthew, almost like a child waiting for guidance.

Matthew climbed on to the bed without a second thought beside Gilbert and took his hand, pulling him closer so they could kiss. Gil relaxed a little; kissing was common ground, he knew what he was doing and how to do this. The Prussian boy pulled Matthew on to his lap, lying back on the bed, and Matthew made a noise of appreciation, kissing him with an intensity that Gilbert had never felt before, and he tried to match it. One hand rested on the back of the younger teen's neck, keeping him in place, while the other trailed down his back and stopped just above the globe of his ass. But, Mattie would have none of that, and he reached back and grabbed Gilbert's hand, pushing it down so it rested on the plump curve. Gilbert groaned in appreciation, feeling his cock twitch to life in his jeans.

Matthew moaned just the smallest bit, and Gilbert could've sworn it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. Everything Matthew did was all at once carefree but thoughtful. Eager, yet restrained. Excited but nervous. Unsure, yet completely determined. The Canadian pushed a knee between Gilbert's thighs, grinding it against his groin in a way that had Gilbert gasping against his mouth. As the older boy's mouth opened with the gasp, Matthew took the opportunity and plunged his tongue in. He was met with Gilbert's own, which was eager to please and explore Matthew's own mouth. Matthew ground his hips down against Gilbert's leg, feeling just like the horny teenager he was, just wanting some relief.

Oh... Matthew purred in delight- a difficult thing to do when a very curious, extremely untrained tongue was currently fucking his mouth- when he felt just how deliciously _hard _Gilbert was. And maybe Gilbert had thought that this was the warm up, but Matthew had other thoughts in mind. He broke the kiss, causing Gilbert to whimper in protest and glare childishly up at him, but Matthew kissed his lips lightly once more before kissing his jaw, then his neck. Gilbert's breath hitched and he let out a breathless moan, head falling back so Matthew could do as he pleased. And Matthew did.

The smaller boy bit the pale skin presented to him without hesitation, making a bruise that he sucked on for a few moments. Gilbert, being albino and incredibly pale, was slightly annoyed because he knew the hickey would show up like a neon sign on his skin, but at the same time, he couldn't care less. Matthew's breath was so hot against his skin, after all...

Matthew decided not to push his luck, and stuck with the hickey and another one on his shoulder, and then he kissed down Gilbert's naked chest. Gilbert seemed to finally understand what Matthew was going to do, and his eyes widened in nervousness, muscles tensing up. Matthew rubbed at the taught muscles of his stomach, kissing just below his bellybutton. "It's okay, Gil," he murmured. "Don't be so nervous. I love you so much, and you're doing a wonderful job so far." The praise did its job, and Gilbert relaxed a little, distracted by the sweet words.

"I love you, too, Birdie," Gilbert whispered, forever the hopeless romantic. Even when he was about to receive his first blow job, he was still thinking about Matthew's feelings. Matthew thought it was sweet, and he tried to keep in mind that Gilbert didn't want it to just be mindless sex. Neither did Matthew, really, but he hadn't been sure... Gilbert seemed like the no-cuddling-after-sex kind of guy. But Matthew's always been a big cuddler, and Gilbert apparently was the same way. Gilbert had never come across as the love making kind of guy, but more of a screw your brains out kind. But everyone had his or her surprises.

Matthew finally reached his destination, staring hungrily at the bulge presented to him. His fingers eagerly popped the button, and then the zipper came down. Gilbert lifted his hips helpfully and Matthew slid the denim down to his ankles, letting Gilbert kick the fabric away. Mattie could practically _feel _the anxiety rolling off of his boyfriend, and he flashed a small, reassuring smile up at him. "Gil, what're you so nervous about? I know it's your first time, but just try and relax... I love you and it's going to be good for you no matter what."

Gilbert bit his plump lower lip, shifting a little on the bed. His cheeks turned a pretty light pink, which Matthew found absolutely endearing. "It's not that... I mean, it is that, but not completely. I love you and I want to do this, but this is my first time... And, um, I'm nervous about you seeing me naked... Because, um... Size doesn't matter, right?"

Matthew blinked, then nuzzled Gilbert's inner thigh. Matthew had never seen this part of Gilbert before, but come on. How small could he be? "No, Gil, size doesn't matter. And I know what a dick looks like, I have one of my own. You shouldn't be nervous..." He was a bit disappointed, really, to hear that Gilbert was small. After all, he did want to spend a long part of his life with this boy, and he certainly couldn't deny that he'd hoped Gilbert was as big as his ego.

With a shy look, Gilbert lifted his hips so Matthew could slip off his boxers. Matthew curled his fingers around the waistband, gingerly slipping the garment off. He didn't look for a few moments, concentrating on getting the last bit of clothing off of Gilbert's body- besides his socks- before he finally focused on what was between Gilbert's legs.

_And holy fucking shit._

"Gil, you're _huge," _Matthew breathed in shock, staring at what was quite easily the largest cock he'd ever seen. And he'd seen a few, with porn and the internet. Gilbert beat them all by a long shot. He was easily as thick as Matthew's forearm, maybe thicker, and just as long minus an inch or so. Gilbert squirmed on the bed, looking uncomfortable from Matthew's curious looks, and finally, Matthew looked up at met Gilbert's eyes. "Gilbert, you're self-conscious about _this_?"

"Well... Yeah. I mean, you're a small guy, I don't know how we'd even... Do stuff without hurting you..." Gilbert's cheeks turned a little darker shade of pink, but Matthew wasn't paying attention, too busy examining the hard cock resting against Gilbert's thigh stomach. Gilbert did have a point, though... Matthew felt a little bit of anxiety in his chest at the thought of trying to fit that inside of himself, anywhere. His mouth or his ass, it just... It wouldn't fit without a lot of preparation. And his mouth could probably take the first inch or two. Matthew was certainly not small in that department, not in any way, but this was just ridiculous.

"We'd... Um, well, it'd take a lot of preparation, for sure," Matthew finally murmured, leaning in closer. He reached forward and wrapped his fingers carefully around the base, eyes big as he realized his fingers couldn't even reach all the way around. Oh, God... Gilbert shivered, eyes sliding closed as a soft moan escaped him as Matthew moved his hand up to rub the head, the only part he could wrap his fingers completely around. "God, Gil, it's just so _big."_

"Mmhmm... Oh, fuck, Birdie..." Gilbert was hardly paying attention, too busy trying not to buck his hips while Matthew wrapped his other hand around the base as well, sliding his first hand down to meet the second. Even with both hands, there was at least three inches left, and Matthew gave that a slow lick. Gilbert let out a quiet cry, unable to stop himself from bucking up, trying to find that warm again. Matthew frowned, not having an available hand to keep Gilbert's hips down, so he just used his elbows.

Carefully, unsure of how much he could take, Matthew opened wide and took the head into his mouth. Even with his mouth opened so large, Gilbert hardly fit, and Matthew had to be especially careful not to nick him with his teeth. Gilbert was panting softly, fingers gripping the blankets as tightly as they could, almost as tightly as he had his eyes squeezed shut. His breathing got heavier as Matthew sucked, hands twisting and stroking up and down the base of the monstrous cock.

Gilbert began chanting soft whisperings of Matthew's name, hips rocking the slightest bit against Matthew's strong hold. He felt so _close... _And that's when Matthew started humming.

He started fucking _humming._

It only took a few more seconds before Gilbert was crying out his warning, eyes squeezed tightly shut. His hips twitched under Matthew's arms, and Matthew swallowed what he could before he had to pull back. The rest hit his mouth and chin, and the smaller teen licked it off with a filthy flick of his tongue. Gilbert watched with wide eyes. "Y-you didn't have to swallow it," he panted out, eyes hooded.

"But I wanted to," Matthew said simply, climbing back up the bed and kissing Gilbert's lips lightly; Gil could taste himself on Matthew's lips, and he found the taste unique, but not unpleasant. Just... Earthy.

Suddenly, Gilbert felt very _naked. _Yeah, he was naked, but Matthew was completely clothed. And that just didn't do, not at all. So, Gilbert kissed Matthew a little harder, pulling him closer and tugging at his shirt. "Off," he breathed into Matthew's mouth. Matthew nodded eagerly, pulling back and sitting up to pull his shirt off. Then went his shorts, and then he was left in his briefs, the bulge obvious and impossible to hide. Matthew flushed a little under Gilbert's scrutiny as his eyes wandered, but he rather liked the love, the adoration mixed with lust in Gilbert's eyes.

"Gil... Um, do you have any lube?" He asked, biting his lip nervously. "I've never... I've never even been fingered, or done it myself, so be careful, okay?" At Gilbert's instruction, Matthew went over to the desk pushed against the opposite wall and opened a drawer, finding a half-used bottle of lube stashed in the back, crammed behind a bunch of paper. He carried it back to the bed and laid down, this time with his head by the headboard on the pillows with his feet towards the foot of the bed instead of sideways like they had been before. He wanted to be comfy for this.

"Do you know how to do this, or should I talk you through it? I've done it to Francis, so-" He was cut off by a pair of hungry, jealous lips, silencing him for the time being.

"Let's not talk about Francis, Birdie," he growled after he pulled away, eyes dark. "And I think you should talk me through this. I'm not sure... I've never..." And Gilbert was shushed by a kiss in the same fashion, though this one was soft and sweet, filled with love and adoration.

"I know," Matthew whispered. He shyly removed his own briefs, tossing them aside. He liked briefs because boxers rode up too much when he wore tight jeans, and they had more support, and... Well, he just liked them. Boxers felt weird.

Gilbert stared for a moment. Matthew certainly wasn't small, that was for sure. He was a nice, big size, but compared to Gilbert, he just looked average. And Matthew seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he flushed and scowled at the ceiling. Some prodding from Gilbert, though, and Matthew pouted and gave him a quick, short kiss before turning onto his stomach, sliding a pillow under his hips to put his ass in the air, legs spread a little. "I love you, Gilbert, and I swear you might as well just shove your whole fist up there because you're so big..."

Gilbert laughed softly, still a little tense and anxious but not quite as nervous as he had been before. He positioned himself behind Matthew and kissed his shoulder blade, then leaned back to grab the lube. He poured a good amount on his hand, wanting to get a lot of lubricant for Matthew's first time, especially since Matthew was right.

It probably would take his entire fist.

**Author's Note: **Sorrynotsorry but this was getting long

So I'll finally respond to those reviews now

And I always ask you to review because, this is how it works: a lot of readers out there (including myself) pick stories based off of how many reviews it has. So, I'm not getting a _lot _of readers that I could have if I had more reviews. So please, just review for me, even if you normally don't. And don't let the bystander effect take over you.

That's the effect where most humans think, "Someone else has already taken care of it."

No

Wrong

Uh-uh

Until YOU'VE reviewed, there's still a problem. Tell me your thoughts. I want to know.

Also, I haven't edited like, over half of this chapter. Any and all mistakes are just my laziness. I wanted the next chapter up for you guys, as quickly as possible.

So review and stuff, and I'll see you next chapter, where there will be sweet love making

Questions from reviewers:

**BoBby-oF-OCtober**: I'm using Lovina instead of Lovino simply because there aren't enough females in Hetalia stories, and I planned on using Romano anyway, so I just used Nyo!Romano :3 And it's cool, I make spelling mistakes like that all the time.

**Rensa**: -Gives tissues- Shoosh it's okay Mama's here QnQ

**TheSlayerGirl**: So you have a fairly good idea of how Matthew feels with Gil! And if I need to talk to anyone, I'll take you up on your offer.

**Can'tTakeTheSky**: I was able to get rid of it fairly quickly. Turns out it was two Its. I'm calling them Thing One and Thing Two. Blessed be, lovely, merry meet and merry part and merry meet again~

**SukiWilliams**: It really is no fun at all. I really hate it when spirits hang around, because their vibrations are on such a higher frequency than ours are so they really drain people of their energy... I always feel so tired when there's a spirit clinging to me. We got rid of them without a problem, but by the time my friend came to help out, they'd sucked me so dry that I couldn't find the energy to care they were there anymore. It was really terrifying. Blessed be, doll.

**AnimeApprentice**: I'm so sorry you had to go through that! We got rid of the Things before anything too bad happened, but I was drained of motivation or the desire to do anything for a while.

**Fake Plants**: You heard right, I love reviews. O7O Thank you so much for reviewing and reading at all!

**Illead**: Every religion has their own interpretations, and I'm glad you understand, even in your own way. Thank you!

**EvilMidget6**: Boom, there it is

**CartedOff**: Thank you, I got rid of the Things! (Turns out there were two.) And here's your next chapter ;3

**DestinyXUnknown**: Being pagan doesn't mean I don't appreciate prayers, silly. Maybe the little twelve-year-old Wiccan who hates other religions because Daddy doesn't pay attention to her won't appreciate it, but any true pagan will thank you immensely for any prayer. No matter what religion anyone occupies, putting good energy out into the Universe is a good thing! I got the Things (there were two) to go on their merry ways. Not quite sure what they were, but they're gone now. And that's such an interesting story! I would be way too scared, but I'm glad your friend had you there, and that you knew what to do. Most of the time, with spirits, a firm voice and a reminder that this is yours gets them to leave.

**Micheal**: I'M SORRY

**RObin**: Thank you so much! I was just using Translator, so I was fairly sure it was wrong, but I used it anyway. Thanks :3

**reader**: Matthew's are paid for by the state because he's not legally emancipated at the time and his mother is in prison, and Gilbert's are paid for by the money he was left with when his father passed, plus **insurance.**

**KimsElectroHeart**: It means a lot that you reviewed despite the fact that you usually don't! I'm sorry, I hope you don't cry... I mean, it'd be cool if my story was so awesome and heart-wrenching that you cried, but also not cool at the same time. heh


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure about this, Birdie?" Gilbert asked hesitantly, nervously chewing his lip as his eyes searched Matthew's for any hint of hesitation. Sure, Gilbert wouldn't deny that he didn't want to grab Matthew by the hips and pound him into next week, but he couldn't do that to his Birdie. Matthew would be in so much pain... Probably would be no matter what, really. Gilbert thought of his abnormally large genitals as a handicap. Why couldn't he just be normal sized?

While Gilbert mentally debated over what to do, Matthew had started wiggling his hips in anticipation, smirking over his shoulder at his boyfriend. "Gil, it doesn't _really _need your whole fist. But... Four fingers might not be enough. If so, oh well, I'm not letting you fist me; I'll just have to suffer a little. Now do what I say or else you'll hurt me, okay?" Gilbert nodded curtly after a short, surprised pause, leaning down and giving Matthew a light kiss before he kneeled behind him. The smaller teen arched his back a little and spread his legs wider, giving Gilbert quite the view. "Rub some lube around the outside first," he instructed, and Gil gave another nod, this one a bit more shy, rubbing the lube between his fingers to warm it up first before he tentatively reached out and rubbed two fingers over the puckered hole he had to stretch.

Matthew's quick intake of breath made Gilbert freeze, sure he'd hurt Matthew somehow, but after some breathy encouragement, Gilbert continued rubbing his fingers around the tight ring of muscle, feeling it relax under his fingertips. Matthew let out a few sighs, enjoying himself a little, before he turned to look at Gilbert. He smiled to himself at the look of absolute concentration on Gilbert's face, the way his eyebrows furrowed and his tongue stuck from the corner of his mouth, which was set in a determined straight line.

"You can put a finger in, now," Matthew murmured, and Gilbert startled a little, almost too caught up in the task at hand to remember that Matthew was giving him instructions. "Put it in really slow; make sure to get a bunch of lube in there and spread it around inside with your finger."

Okay. Gilbert could do this, he knew he could... Just as Matthew had said, Gilbert eased his finger into the Canadian, watching almost as if in a trance as his finger disappeared inside of his boyfriend. He made sure he stayed slow, like Matthew had asked, only pushing in up to his first knuckle at first. He spread the lube around inside of Mattie as he'd been told before he went up to the second knuckle, and soon the rest of his finger followed. Matthew's breathing had gotten faster, but it was almost unnoticeable, except that Gilbert was straining his ears for any sign of pain. But, the quickening rate of breathing wasn't from pain, Gilbert noticed as he looked down a little bit. Matthew's cock was beading up with pre-cum, and the erection looked red from him being so turned on without any stimulation. Gilbert pulled his finger out almost completely before slowly pushing it back in, and Matthew let out a breathy moan.

"Do that again," the Canadian half-begged, half-demanded. Gilbert complied wordlessly, pulling the digit out before pushing it back in, this time a bit faster. Matthew started grinding his hips against the pillow beneath his hips to get some friction to his cock, but Gilbert stopped him with a quiet growl of disapproval.

"Babe, try not to move too much. I can touch you if you want." Gilbert pulled his finger out completely, causing Matthew to groan before the Prussian's hands were on his hips, lifting them up into the air so, instead of pressing against a pillow, Matthew's cock was forced to face the cruel, cold air. Soon, though, his problem was taken care of, as Gilbert reached between Mattie's legs and wrapped his thick fingers around the throbbing erection, giving it an experimental tug. Matthew moaned into a pillow that he'd buried his face in, wriggling his hips even more now.

"Two fingers," he breathed. "One in first, and then slip in the second one, just like you did the first." Gilbert hummed a little as he pushed a finger in, still slowly jerking Matthew off while he carefully added a second finger. It was almost sinful how tight Matthew was, and Gilbert couldn't stop thinking about how it'd feel sinking into the tight heat he was currently fingering.

Matthew, on the other hand, had his face hidden in a pillow while he moaned and rocked his hips between both stimulating hands. He idly wondered why he'd never let anyone do this to him before; it felt like his whole body was burning with pleasure, especially when Gilbert's fingers started thrusting in and out of him.

"Fuck, Gil," Matthew groaned, turning his face to the side so Gilbert could hear him. The right side of his face squished against the comfortable fabric, and it smelled so much like Gilbert that Matthew could easily imagine that he was just wrapped up in Gil's arms, face buried in his chest while Gilbert fucked up into him. Of course, when Gilbert actually was fucking him, it'd be a hell of a lot bigger than just two fingers. "Another one, please... Same as the other two..." He could imagine lying on Gilbert's lean, long body while Gilbert held him by the hips and made love to him. He could almost believe the soft, gentle tugs of Gilbert's hand on his cock was just from himself squeezing his erection between his and Gilbert's bodies. Each stroke was his body moving on top of Gilbert's from each and every slow but hard thrust of Gilbert's hips. Matthew just felt like he was melting in a pool of bliss from his own dream...

And then the dream slowly unraveled when he felt a soft burn as Gilbert added the third finger. Oh, joy, here came the pain... Matthew grit his teeth and hid his face again, inhaling Gilbert's comfortable and familiar scent; sunscreen and pancakes. It'd be worth it, he reminded himself. And it didn't last long, either. Soon enough the burn was replaced by the pleasurable thrusts of Gilbert's hand, and Matthew was almost positive he would climax before Gilbert finished preparing him. The fourth finger would hurt the worst, though, so Matthew came up with an idea to make it more bearable.

"Gil?" He breathed, moaning again simply because he couldn't stop himself.

"Yeah, babe?" Gilbert asked softly, continuing with his steady rhythm.

"When you add the fourth finger, could you curl your other fingers down towards the bed?"

"Um, yeah, I guess I can," Gilbert said after a short pause, unconsciously speeding his hand up on Matthew's cock. Gilbert was positive he'd explode from blue-balls before he was done stretching his boyfriend. Watching his fingers consistently pulling out and pushing back into the incredibly tight ass was driving him crazy, and it didn't help that every time Matthew's cock twitched or jumped in pleasure, Gilbert's did the same.

After a few more minutes of both of them tormenting the other without realizing it, Matthew whispered, "Put in the fourth finger, Gil..."

The Prussian did as he'd been asked before, curling his fingers down towards the bed as he added the fourth finger. He hadn't quite been prepared for the reaction he got from Matthew; a short, high-pitched shout, back arching, shudders running down his spine so violently that Matthew was practically twitching on the bed, and a few hot spurts across his hand that let him know that Matthew had cum.

And Matthew's plan worked just as he'd hoped. As Gilbert's fingers had unknowingly pushed right into Matthew's prostate, Matthew had been pushed over the edge and was too busy cumming to feel the awful stretch of the fourth finger. Even as he came down from the high, his legs shook and his breathing was ragged. He felt a faint stretch, but nothing like it would've been... Definitely the best orgasm of his life.

"Was that..?" Gilbert asked, eyes wide with surprise.

"Mm, yeah," Matthew said, almost dreamily, turning his head sideways again to grin lazily up at Gilbert. "Prostate. Hardly even felt the fourth finger go in." He giggled a little, almost high off the bliss and relaxation that comes after a really good orgasm. "Touch it again, Gil..."

Gilbert chuckled softly at Matthew, pressing his lips to his lower back as he pressed his fingers down into the walnut-sized bump he could feel. Matthew's whole body shuddered, and his cock was already coming back to life, even so soon after his orgasm. The larger teen massaged the bump lightly, watching as Matthew's whole body twitched and tensed, moans rolling off Matthew's tongue. "This is so hot," he breathed, absently wiping Matthew's cum off his hand and on to the blankets. Matthew was already hard again, rutting against the air.

"Gilbert, fuck me," he growled, sounding almost annoyed if it weren't for the breathy undertones. "But not in this position... I wanna be able to see your face."

The albino bit his lip nervously, carefully pulling his fingers out. He watched in fascination as Matthew's hole clenched around nothing, and then the view was interrupted when Matthew pulled it away as he flipped on to his back. "I love you so much," Gilbert blurted, eyes wide as his eyes gazed over his boyfriend's lovely body. Matthew had shoved the pillow beneath him away and had his legs spread out to allow for Gilbert's body between his knees. But, almost as quickly as Matthew had settled into the new position, the Canadian's face fell and he shook his head.

"I can't do this," he whispered, cheeks heating up with shame. "I'm sorry, Gil, not like this..."

Gilbert blinked, heart freezing in his chest for a short moment. "What..?" He asked, sounding as devastated as he felt. "What do you mean?" Matthew had wanted this! And they'd already gone through the most uncomfortable part, right? So what was wrong?

"In this position," Matthew clarified, fidgeting as he sat up and scooted towards the side of the bed. He swung his arm to hint that he wanted Gilbert to lay down where he'd just been, and Gilbert silently complied, too speechless with relief to say a word. "I just... I'm sure I'll be able to... Just not today." The reminder that they'd be doing this more often made Gilbert grin up at his boyfriend, and his grin only stretched wider when Matthew moved and straddled Gilbert's hips. "And I love you too, Gil."

Matthew grabbed the lube and poured even more into his hand, reaching down and stroking Gilbert's enormous length. After a few strokes, he managed to get everything slicked up, and he took the base in his hand and hovered just over it, sticking his tongue out thoughtfully. Gilbert watched him patiently, soothingly stroking his free arm.

"I want... I don't want to ride you for our first time, especially since you're so big." Gilbert blushed a little, smiling sheepishly up at the other. "So... Mm, I'm going to put it in and then I can lay down on you and you can make love to me, slow and sweet." Just like in Matthew's little fantasy. Gilbert nodded, though his blush got darker with Matthew's every word.

"I can do that," Gilbert murmured, sitting up a little and kissing Matthew's lips softly. Matthew cupped his cheek with his free hand to hold him in place for a few moments longer before the kiss broke and he began lowering himself down.

It took all of Gilbert's self restraint, but he managed. As Matthew carefully and painfully slid down Gilbert's shaft, Gilbert held his hips still and didn't buck up into him. Every inch Matthew took in made him squeeze his eyes shut, mouth set in a straight line of pain, and that was enough to keep Gilbert still. He murmured sweet nothings and stroked Matthew's thighs and sides, letting him go at his own pace. Every inch seemed like agony, but Matthew simply kept going, refusing to stop except for his pauses every inch or so to breathe deeply and let Gilbert soothe him before he took in another inch.

By the time there were only three or so inches to go, Matthew simply gave up on going slow and dropped down, taking the rest in with a long hiss of pain. As soon as Matthew had finished taking it in, he laid down on Gilbert's chest and panted softly into his skin, soothed by kisses to his hair and his back being rubbed, as well as the familiar scent of SPF over 9,000. A light sheen of sweat had broken out across Matthew's back and face, and his front stuck to Gilbert's with the sticky substance. Gilbert moaned quietly into Matthew's hair, shuddering when the Canadian clenched around him before relaxing.

A few minutes passed of Matthew recovering and panting against Gilbert's chest before he finally looked up to meet Gilbert's eyes, stretching a little to kiss him. Gilbert didn't miss the way Matthew's eyelashes stuck together, a clear sign that there had been tears in his eyes just moments before, but he didn't say anything because he knew Matthew's pride would just make him deny it. At least Matthew was okay now, and as his cheeks started turning darker and darker red, he began grinding his hips a little, making it clear that he wanted Gilbert to move.

Gilbert did. He wrapped his arms around Matthew's hips, hands resting not-so-innocently on his ass as he pulled back a little before thrusting back in. Matthew groaned in response, hands tightening where they'd landed as he'd scrambled for a place to hold on to: Gilbert's shoulders. It was awkward for the first few minutes, both of them unsure of what the other wanted, before they realized they wanted the same thing; they wanted to make love. Simple, sweet, passionate love, and Gilbert finally found a rhythm in his thrusts, moving slowly but making sure every thrust jostled Matthew a little, which Matthew seemed to enjoy quite a lot.

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god," Matthew chanted, rocking his hips a little with his eyes glazed over with pleasure before he focused on Gilbert's own gaze. "Oh, god, Gilbert..!" A shiver ran up Matthew's spine, and Gilbert leaned down and kissed him with everything he had, hands tightening on his ass as he thrust up into him particularly hard. Matthew yelled out what sounded like a mixture between 'fuck' and 'Gilbert', and Gilbert gasped out Matthew's name in return. Both of them were blabbering on in languages the other didn't understand; Matthew was shouting about his adoration and love for Gilbert in French, while Gilbert did the same for Matthew in German.

Neither of them could last for very long, not like this. Gilbert came first, filling Matthew up with a muffled shout while the smaller of the two shouted, "Oui, oui, oui!"

Gilbert reached between their sweaty bodies and wrapped his fingers around Matthew's flushed, dripping cock, jerking him off until Matthew howled out his own climax.

The couple laid there for a few minutes, panting and basking in the afterglow. Matthew spoke first, his voice shaky and breathless.

"I love you," he said.

"Ich liebe dich auch," Gilbert said in return, shuddering when Matthew sat up and rose up on his legs, letting Gilbert slip out of him.

Matthew collapsed onto the mattress beside Gilbert and curled into his side, arms wrapping around him. "You better fucking hope we don't run in PE tomorrow," he grumbled. Gilbert chuckled sleepily, kissing Matthew's sweaty hair.

"Don't fall asleep, Birdie, we have things to do today," he said, sounding rather remorseful. He just wanted to cuddle and sleep with Matthew for the rest of the day, but they really did have things to do. They had groceries to buy, they needed to reassure their friends that everything was okay between the two of them, they had promised to visit Alfred and Arthur and have dinner with Matthew's uncle...

"I won't fall asleep, I just wanna cuddle," Matthew mumbled, slurring a little and doing nothing but proving Gilbert's point.

"We'll have to cuddle tonight when we go to bed. I promise, Mattie, we can cuddle all night if you want. But we have to do things. Why don't you come take a shower with me?"

"Mm, that sounds nice-"

There was a knock on the door. Both boys froze.

"Um... Hello?" Gilbert called, while Matthew hid his face in Gilbert's side, his ears bright red with his blush. Whoever was out there had probably waited for them to get finished... And that was terribly embarrassing.

"Um, it's me," Alfred called, sounding just as embarrassed as Gilbert and Matthew both were. "I, uh, had something to tell Mattie, and it's not good... And I wanted to make sure you guys were still cool... Um, but, uh, obviously you guys are doing great."

Matthew squeaked indignantly, sitting up with the intention of yelling at Alfred for interrupting and listening, but a sharp pain up his back made him cry out and he fell back to the bed. Gil winced just watching, and Matthew pulled the blankets up over his head. "I can't move," he grumbled to Gilbert, and Gilbert couldn't help but begin to laugh. It wasn't the soft, affectionate chuckles from earlier, but the loud, annoying guffaws he did around other people.

"You're just sore from my five meters!" Gilbert howled, getting up and pulling on some boxers and some pajama pants while Matthew scowled and blindly threw a pillow in his general direction. It missed.

"Shut up and let Alfred in!" Matthew yelled, suddenly aware of the dull throbbing of his backside. Ouch. "I'm not moving out of this spot."

The door opened and there was a shift on the bed as Alfred sat on the edge. Matthew pulled the blankets down enough to show his head; Gilbert was nowhere to be seen.

Alfred shifted uncomfortably on the bed, cheeks flushed. "Now I know what you felt like with me and Arthur," he said with an embarrassed laugh, and Matthew frowned.

"What bad news did you have?" He asked, wanting to get right to the point. He couldn't do anything for the rest of the day, that was obvious. If having sex with Gilbert was going to be this much of an event because of his size that Matthew would have to take an entire day off for it, Gilbert was going to be highly disappointed with the frequency of their love making.

"Well... Um, you see..." Alfred kept talking, but Matthew's ears heard nothing. Just a dull echo and some ringing, but Alfred's lips kept moving. Gilbert walked into the room and stood by the bed, sitting down and smiling lovingly at Matthew before he kissed his forehead. Matthew didn't even feel it. The room began to spin, and Alfred just kept talking like nothing was happening. Objects flew, the bed was pushed against the wall with the centrifugal force, but they still talked and talked and Gilbert laughed at something Alfred had said.

Matthew opened his mouth to scream when everything went black.

...

"Matthew? Matthew? Birdie, are you asleep?" Gilbert asked tiredly from beneath Matthew's sleeping body. Sleeping? When had he fallen asleep?

Slowly, the Canadian boy woke up. He took a few moments to figure out where he was; in the living room, on the couch, and Gilbert was underneath him. Gilbert wasn't wearing a shirt, and Matthew became aware of a uncomfortable stiffness in his jeans. Shit... Was that drying cum? Oh, god, he'd cum in his pants.

"Gil?" He asked, cheeks turning a light pink. "Gil, what happened?"

"Hm? Oh, um... You came out here and tried to play tonsil hockey, and when I said no, we started talking about feelings and how we're dating, and then we snuggled for a while and watched a movie. You fell asleep a few minutes into it."

Matthew nodded tiredly, nuzzling Gilbert's chest a little. Something didn't seem right, besides the fact that Matthew had jizzed in his pants for the first time in years. It began coming back to him, how he and Gilbert had talked their feelings out and had snuggled and agreed on a movie, but at the same time, he also remembered dragging Gilbert to the bedroom. Two different memories? No, something was wrong.

"You must've been having a really good dream, Birdie," Gilbert teased, chuckling and kissing Matthew's hair. "You sure were making a lot of noise."

_Crash. _Matthew's eyes widened and his stiffened in Gilbert's arms, remembering the vivid dream he'd been having. His dream where Gilbert had had a monster cock, and he'd gotten fucked thoroughly until he couldn't even move... God, that's a kinky dream, now that he thought about it. He slowly relaxed into Gilbert's hold again, lightly kissing his boyfriend's shoulder. No, he definitely remembered now that Gilbert had said he wanted to wait before they had sex. And he remembered arguing over which movie to watch, and giggling at a joke Matthew made that involved Canadians and beavers and wood, and he remembered thinking to himself just how sweet Gilbert was before he'd drifted to sleep.

No more sleeping on top of Gilbert. Ever. Matthew's horny teenage body just couldn't take it, obviously. Especially since, for a few months now, the smell of sunscreen had started giving him erections.

"I'm hungry. Can I make pancakes?" Matthew asked, yawning sleepily.

"Of course, Birdie, how could I say no to Canadian pancakes?" Gilbert replied, laughing loudly as he sat up and put Matthew on his feet. Matthew rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand, smiling against Gilbert's lips as they met for a short kiss.

"Mm, you're going to turn into a big pancake if that's all you eat," Matthew warned playfully, but Gilbert only pecked his lips lightly.

"Sounds like a good way to go." Gilbert laughed again, and the door bell rang. "You get that, since you're all dressed, and I'll go get the stuff out for pancakes!"

The Canadian nodded and gave Gilbert a little shove before he pulled the door open and was met by Alfred's worried, stressed gaze.

"Matthew, be careful," Alfred warned, quickly looking around before stepping into the house and closing and locking the door behind him.

"Woah, Alfred, what're you talking about?" asked Matthew, confused and a little worried that Alfred had watched another zombie movie.

"Two things. First, be careful with Gilbert. I heard what happened today, and you can totally move back in with me-"

"We're dating now, dude!" Gilbert shouted from the kitchen.

Alfred blinked, chuckling a little. "Oh. Um... I'm glad you guys are finally together. Took you two long enough... But, that's not the important thing I need to tell you."

The smaller boy frowned. "What else do you need to tell me, Al?"

"You're mother. She's out of prison and I think she's coming for you."

**Author's Note: **After that little hiatus with the Things in my room, I thought I owed you all some smut. But, you see, smut didn't really fit into the story right now, not so early in their relationship... And come on, if Gilbert was really that big, they'd only ever have sex, like, once a month. Maybe. So Matthew had a little wet dream and hopefully that satisfies the smut cravings until they're actually ready to do the deed.

Oh, and what do you think about this little cliff hanger? About Matthew's mother coming after him? What do you think will happen? Leave a review with your thoughts!

**Reviews:**

**Demyxpyrofan**: So glad you like it!

**sukiwilliams**: I recognize you ;3 Oh, no! I hope I don't get you in any trouble! _Read safely and discreetly, readers!_

**Mandaar**: I hope I did alright! But more drama awaits our new couple, so the relief is short lived. Matt's ass is fine, he can do as he pleases in dream world!

**Guest**: It's good for like, a one time thing, but they wouldn't be able to have sex a lot if that were true outside of the dream world ;3

**KimsElectroHeart**: Thank you so much! And I cried a lot writing that part, since my dad is on his death bed right now and I live alone with him, so it'll be me to find him. I'm glad you gave your opinion instead of just complimenting me, because I appreciate these reviews much more. I know I rushed the relationship, but it's my first fic and I have big plans so I rushed to get the gooey stuff out of the way.

**Elizaveta Hedervary**: Either a blonde moment or bad writing on my part.

**spiritualnekohime4**: Awkward is my middle name. There'll be a lot of it in the future.

**EvilMidget6**: Good thing Matthew will only have to deal with ghost pains, eh?

**dishomestuckchick**: Here's the update, as quickly as I could, just as ordered! I hope you get everything done before you read anything eue


	11. Chapter 11

"_What?" _Matthew gasped, heart beginning to beat faster, speeding up until he could hardly hear the thrumming over the sound of blood rushing in his head. "I-I'm sorry, I must've heard you wrong..."

Alfred took Matthew's hand and pulled him on to the couch, sitting him down before he sat down beside his cousin and squeezed his hand. "Mattie, your mom is out. She escaped prison; she broke out sometime last night, and she left a note that sounds an awful lot like she's going to come after you."

"And do _what _exactly? Take me back home?" Matthew jerked his hand away and stood up, flinging tears from his face with a stubborn shake of the head. He couldn't even make sense of the situation, unable to realize that if his mother came after him, she definitely wasn't about to take him back home. "No, no, they'll find her and take her back to jail. She'll... They'll find her, and I won't have to see her or anything. _No. _No!"

Immediately, Gilbert left the kitchen and approached Mattie as one would approach a frightened dog; hands up, palms out, moving slowly so as not to get bitten. "Mattie? Birdie, hey, calm down... What's going on?" Matthew turned abruptly and threw his arms around Gilbert's neck, hanging on him like a drape while he sniffled and shook his head in defiance, simply refusing to listen.

"It's his mother, Gilbert," Alfred said quietly, not wanting to upset Matthew further, though the Canadian only shook his head harder in denial. "She's out and she's coming after him."

Gilbert's mouth opened in shock and surprise, making a small O shape before he closed it and grit his teeth, kissing Matthew's hair and trying to comfort him even as fury coiled in his stomach. "They fucking let her out?" He growled, and Matthew let out a choked sob, shaking his head violently while he cried out something in French that Gilbert was almost positive was 'no'.

Alfred remained seated, shrinking in on himself a little even though Gilbert's anger wasn't directed towards him and Matthew wasn't upset with him, only with the news he had to bring. The Prussian dude was scary as fuck sometimes. "God, no, they weren't planning on ever letting her out because of how crazy she is. Sh-she broke out. She left a note."

Matthew's occasional sob turned into quick, loud cries, face hidden in Gilbert's chest while he sobbed in fright and the effort of holding back the knowledge of his mother's return. His body shook, even his hands clenched against the back of Gilbert's neck trembling. Gilbert pulled Matthew to a chair and sat down with him in his lap, because Matthew's legs had looked near ready to collapse under him. It was all too much for the poor boy, especially after he thought he'd healed from his mother's cruel hand. He'd thought this was all over, this hurt and pain, this sadness and yet this love for the woman who had beaten him for years. But maybe he hadn't really been over it. Maybe he'd just grown numb and learned to ignore the ache, or maybe he'd distracted himself with chasing Gilbert and helping him through his problems. Whatever the reason, Matthew felt the blow hit him hard, knocking the breath from his lungs as he cried in despair. His own mother... He finally began to realize that this was real. This was happening. No amount of denial and hiding in Gilbert's arms would cure the fact that his mother was out and she sure as hell wasn't going to drag Matthew home by the earlobe when she found him. "What did the note say?" He sobbed, hiccupping a little. He refused to look up, keeping his face hidden. When he got no answer, he looked up sharply at his cousin and all but screeched, "Al, what did the note say?!"

Alfred jumped and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, hands folded in his lap like a kindergarten student. "Oh. Well... Um... It said something along the lines of, 'I have to finish what I started and end the boy.' Except a lot more graphic with more detail and she used different words, like 'bastard' and 'tear out entrails'. Y'know, normal stuff." He coughed, suddenly standing up. "Mattie, I just came to tell you. There's cops outside, too, and they'll be here 24/7 until they find her, watching the house. Just shout and they'll come inside. You'll never be alone, not with that bitch on the loose. I have to go pick Arthur up from his track practice, but I'll swing by again tonight if you'd like me to."

The crying boy hardly seemed to hear Alfred, only turning his head back into Gilbert's neck to hide, so Gilbert smiled a little in appreciation to Alfred and said goodbye for them both. And after Alfred left, he held Matthew close while his boyfriend's cries got softer and softer, until finally, all he heard were wet, sniffling hiccups and the occasional gasp. Gilbert kissed Matthew's hair and held him tight, rubbing his back while the smaller calmed down.

"Gil..?" Matthew finally whispered, voice too scratchy to speak any louder.

"Yeah, baby?" Gilbert murmured in reply, pulling back a little to allow Matthew to look up and meet his eyes. Matthew's beautiful violet irises were ringed with a depressing bloodshot red.

"Can... Can I still make pancakes?" He asked, cheeks a bit pink because of the odd request. But, Gilbert had expected this, so it wasn't strange to him. Matthew cleaned when he was nervous and anxious and he cooked when he needed to think, and this was certainly something to think about. Later, Matthew would most likely bleach the whole house until Gilbert managed to settle him down and crawl into bed.

"Of course you can, Birdie. I'll go lock all the windows and doors, alright?" Matthew nodded numbly, not even noticing the little kiss Gilbert gave him before he helped the trembling boy to his feet.

"And when that's all done, will you stand in the kitchen with me?" Matthew asked. "I just... I can't be alone right now, not for very long."

Gilbert simply nodded, and Matthew relaxed visibly before he went to the kitchen to make the pancakes he'd been planning to make earlier. He could see out the window, right down the front yard and to the street, and the cop on the other side of the road gave a hesitant wave. Matthew shyly waved back before he turned to the stove to start cooking. He had so much to think about...

First, he needed to figure out what was going on. Okay. So... His mother had escaped from prison. Okay. And as his counselor would ask: How did Matthew feel about that? Terrified, is what he'd answer with, without any hesitation. Matthew was terrified. But also a little hopeful..? Because maybe, just maybe, she'd escaped because she'd realized just how important Matthew was to her and that she's sorry. Maybe she wanted to try again and Matthew would finally have that loving mother and maybe they'd get a house together and he could make her pancakes in the morning and she could help him cook dinner for once and the house could even be a little lived in, not pristine and cold.

But then he'd have to move away from Gilbert, and that just didn't do. And that soothing voice of Jillian's in the back of his head told him she didn't agree at all, and he could almost see her gently shaking her head, a friendly, calming, and disarming smile tilting up at her lips while she put a hand on his knee and murmured, "_Matthew, you know that's not right_." Plus, Alfred had even said she'd left a note, which answered Jillian's next question.

What did Matthew's mother want to accomplish by escaping? Perhaps she just didn't want to be in jail so she broke out and is going to live in Mexico and never bother Matthew ever! But Jillian didn't agree with that, either. He heard her voice again, that hand on his knee again and giving it a reassuring pat while she murmured, "_Optimism isn't quite what you need right now, my little maple leaf. Think realistically._"

His mother _had_ specified that she'd be tearing out Matthew's entrails. So obviously she didn't want peace. She wanted what? Revenge? Did she just need to finish what she started? What exactly did she want to get out of this? "_There we go, Matthew_," Jillian praised in his mind. "_That's the right thinking. Realistic_."

Matthew's shoulders shook a little at his own question. He knew what she wanted. He wanted him dead, plain and simple.

"And _how does that make you feel, darlin'?_" Jillian drawled.

He hadn't noticed he'd started to cry until a tear fizzled in the hot pan, just beside the burning pancake he should've flipped a few moments ago. He hurriedly flipped it, but quickly realized the underside was black, so he tossed it in the trash and started a new pancake, this time making it perfectly. Jillian's tongue clacked impatiently, not quite liking Matthew distracting himself.

The time spent cooking gave him time to think, though, and soon enough Jillian settled down into the recesses of his mind to give him time. How did Matthew feel? He felt sad. He felt like he was a leaky faucet, tears streaming down his face without a stop button. He felt... Maybe a little guilty. "_Why's that?_" Jillian breathed, glad that they were on to something. Because... no matter how much counseling he'd gotten, no matter how much better things were, a small part of Matthew still believed he deserved every hit. And he'd failed his mother again by living, so now she had to finish the job, going out of her way just to kill Matthew, and some twisted part of his brain truly believed that he deserved it. What other reason was there for how she'd treated her own son? "_Tell me what you think, Matthew. Give me any reasons you can think of._" Jillian chuckled bitterly. "_I'll tell you whether or not you're right_."

Another pancake flipped on to a plate, cooked perfectly. A pair of strong, pale arms wrapped around Matthew's waist, and he leaned back into the broad chest, tilting his head back for a kiss from his boyfriend.

"Smells good," Gilbert murmured, and Matthew nodded mutely, too lost in thought to give a real answer. Jillian was sighing about what a hunk of man Gilbert was, but Matthew gave her a nudge to let her know he needed quiet. But also that he agreed.

Why did Matthew so believe that he deserved this shit? He was just as good as anyone else was... He wasn't worse, or better, but he was just as good, and none of them was beaten or killed off by their parents. "_So why?_" Jillian urged. "_Tell me what you really think. No holding back. I can't set the bone back into place until I know what exactly got broken, little maple leaf._"

Maybe it was because they had fathers. "_Good, Matthew, keep going_." Maybe their mothers didn't beat the shit out of them because their fathers had stayed around, and not run off like Matthew's had. "_And why's that? Why'd yours run off when everyone else's stayed?_" His father had taken one look at the pale, squirming infant and hadn't returned since then. Matthew had been too small and pale, not big and pink like other newborns. Matthew had weighed 2 pounds, 4 ounces, and was a measly 18 inches. He was supposed to die, but instead, he'd gotten big and strong. But, too little too late. Matthew's father never saw him again, never got to see him be the tallest in his class, the fastest on the track team in eighth grade, the most aggressive, impressive hockey player in the state.

And that was all Matthew's fault, of course, somehow. "_Anything else, sugar cube?_"

Maybe other kids didn't get beaten because they weren't gay. "_Oh?_" Maybe the other kids didn't get hit and slapped because they did their chores perfectly and got perfect grades and did everything just perfect. "_But do they really? Does anyone your age really do any of that?_"

But Matthew knew. He knew that no kid in history was that perfect, and even the gay kids like him weren't all beaten. And even though he knew, he still thought, for some reason, that because _he _wasn't perfect, he'd gotten beaten. Other children, for some, unfair reason, got to have faults and were allowed to make mistakes. But Matthew couldn't, no way. Matthew wasn't allowed to have the luxury. "_Why can't you?_" Jillian whispered. "Why _can't you have that luxury?_" But Matthew couldn't do any more, he need to think about something else. "_Another time, my dear, we'll do this another time._"

And then there was the logical, healing part of Matthew. The greater part of himself that he began to give his full, undivided attention, shoving his darker thoughts away. His mother wanted to kill him, and it wasn't because Matthew was guilty and deserved it. "_Yes, yes, Matthew, and why was it? What was the real reason?_" It was because she was crazy. "_Yes._" It was because nothing he could ever possibly do would convince her he was worth saving, and it wasn't his fault at all. "_I'm so proud of you, Matthew. We have so much to do, so much to work on, but I'm so proud of you for getting this far. This is a huge step. You've come so far, my dearest maple leaf. Go enjoy your hunk of man, you literal lucky son of a bitch."_

Just as he came to the conclusion of his internal dialogue, he put the last pancake on to a plate, taking a moment to stare at his creation.

At least he could do one thing perfectly.

A little piece of Matthew seemed to heal, at least for the time being, and Matthew was able to turn around and stand on his tiptoes and kiss his boyfriend without internally debating what was going on in his head- though he did notice a happy hum of approval from a certain voice in his head that was supposed to have left. All he wanted to notice or think about was Gilbert's lips on his own, their tongues meeting, sliding together, and there wasn't any sexual delirium. It was just a kiss, just an innocent kiss between lovers, and there wasn't anything wrong with it.

"Can we eat these later?" Matthew whispered finally, forehead touching Gilbert's collarbone as they panted for air, out of breath. Gilbert nodded against Matthew's hair, hands on his hips, though they slowly traveled upwards, up his body to his shoulders, and then up his arms until their hands came together, lacing their fingers.

"What do you want to do, Birdie?" Gilbert asked, voice just the slightest bit husky. Matthew didn't need to think long.

"I need to take a shower, and I want you to shower with me."

Gilbert paused. "Just shower?" He asked.

"Just shower, Gil. That's all."

After a moment of hesitation, Gilbert nodded. Matthew leaned up on tiptoe to kiss him again before he pulled away and put the plate of pancakes into the fridge. He didn't want to be alone, and showering always calmed him down. And so did Gilbert. There wasn't any sexual reason, just comfort. Soon, they were in the bathroom, Gilbert turning the shower on while Matthew stripped down to his underwear. Gilbert soon did the same, and before they knew it, they both stood in their underwear, unsure of how to proceed. Matthew went first, shimmying out of his briefs and kicking them aside. He couldn't help but blush when Gilbert didn't do the same, wondering what he was waiting for, before he met Gilbert's eyes and realized Gilbert had been staring between his legs.

"Stop staring and drop 'em," Matthew said with a small smile. Though nervous and still a bit scattered after all that had happened, he wanted to relax and enjoy Gilbert's company to get himself back to normal. "I want to see if my dream was accurate."

"Your what?" Gilbert asked curiously even as he dropped his boxers and stepped out of them. Matthew let out a low whistle, eyes drawn between Gilbert's legs. "Dream? And hey, don't stare..."

Matthew didn't look away, only staring as his face grew hot. Gilbert _was _big. Not monstrously huge like in his dream, but bigger than Matthew, and Matthew was already a good size. Big enough for it to hurt.

"Birdie? Birdie, stop it, you're making me all embarrassed," Gilbert whined, and Matthew finally snapped out of it, cheeks red as he scrambled into the shower. Gilbert followed after him, and Matthew had almost forgotten how close they had to stand together. "And what dream?"

Matthew, with a blush and a nervous laugh, said, "You know that dream I had when I fell asleep on top of you?" Gilbert's smirk said he did. "Well, I dreamed that we... Um, that we went to the bedroom after our talk and had sex. And you were huge. I mean, you were _huge. _Like, the size of my arm huge. Like, as big around as my fist." Gilbert's eyes widened, cheeks tinted pink.

"That big? Wow. I guess I'm probably a disappointment compared to that..."

Matthew smiled a little, reaching up and taking Gilbert's face in his hands, bringing him down to kiss him square on the lips. "Not at all. You're perfect, Gil. Maybe a bit bigger than I was ever hoping to get on my first time, but still perfect." Gilbert practically preened with pride.

The two boys shared a few more sweet, loving kisses, adoring the way they could press close to each other without feeling any sudden boyish urgency to get it on, before they began actually cleaning themselves. They easily switched off between who washed and rinsed, and Gilbert was happy to wash Matthew's hair for him, while Matthew returned the favor with a washcloth, washing off Gilbert's body.

"Mattie, you have no idea... No idea how much I love you," Gilbert bit his lip shyly, and Matthew already had the sudsy rag in hand, trailing it down Gilbert's chest. The taller boy relaxed with Matthew's every touch, eyes closing.

"I love you too, Gil," Matthew murmured, pressing another light kiss to Gilbert's lips. "I've never felt more comfortable with someone in my life... ." He moved the rag up Gilbert's chest to his shoulders, then down his arms, always trailing his thin, nimble fingers behind the rag simply to watch Gilbert shiver and smile. This was good. This was distracting, this wasn't something Matthew had to think about, and all he had to do was _do. _All he had to do was love.

They both let out content sighs as Matthew's hands caressed and touched almost every part of Gilbert's body, occasionally pressing happy, lazy kisses to his lips. Gilbert only smiled, because every time he reached out to touch Matthew in return, Matthew would move just out of his reach and click his tongue disapprovingly, shaking his head. "Not until I'm done cleaning you," Matthew said, and Gilbert rolled his eyes but allowed it.

Matthew turned Gilbert around to wash his back, murmuring sweet nothings against his skin while he dragged the sudsy cloth along his shoulders. He worked his way down, skipping over his ass to avoid any awkwardness, and washed the back of Gilbert's legs while Gilbert murmured about how awesome Matthew was. They were both jelly in each other's presence, too relaxed and happy with each other to be upset or anxious. They'd always had this affect with each other, but it seemed magnified now that they were dating and could touch and hold and kiss as they pleased.

Finally, Matthew deemed Gilbert washed, and Gilbert rinsed the suds from his skin before he pulled Matthew against his chest and kissed his dripping blonde hair. "I've loved you for so long, Birdie, it's like a dream to finally be able to do this..." Matthew felt lips ghost over his ear, and goose bumps trailed down his arms. "You're not perfect, Mattie, and neither am I. But together, I think we're better." After a moment of silence, which Matthew had began tearing up during because Gil was just too damned sweet, Gilbert mumbled, "I never thought I'd be this fucking sappy."

Matthew sniffled, standing up on his tiptoes and pulling Gilbert down by his shoulders to kiss him. The kiss was long and sweet, filled with promises of better days and the future. And even though they were both naked and soaking wet and pressed so close together that no water could drip between their bodies, Matthew and Gilbert both knew that the other didn't have sex on their minds. All they wanted was to hold each other and kiss and whisper late into the night about meaningless things that somehow gained just a trace of worth simply because they said them to each other.

And as Matthew cupped Gilbert's cheek and kissed him with all he had, he could almost taste the promises of tomorrow on Gilbert's lips.

Of course, Matthew's mother was still out and trying to kill him, but... With Gilbert holding him close, kissing him like they might never kiss again, Matthew could almost forget.

Almost.

**Author's Note: **I mixed this chapter up a little. No huge events, no major story changes, I'm slowing down the pace now that I have the two love birds together. Now that the bigger pieces of the plot are starting to show themselves, I feel more comfortable slowing down and kicking back a little.

School started a few weeks ago for me, so that would be why updates are slower. They probably won't be speeding up again, not for quite some time. But the chapters are better quality this way, so don't complain too much.

I kept this chapter nice and fluffy at the end to make up for the angst and Matthew's internal struggles in the beginning. Aren't they just adorable? And I love Jillian a lot, she's just a cute character. Yeah, Gilbert is a nice hunk of man.

Let's answer some questions and reviews, shall we? And I was rather disappointed that no one had any thoughts on the questions I asked at the end of the last chapter. No one at all said anything about their thoughts or opinions... But I'll let it slide, because I love you all.

Also, if you look for me on Tumblr, you won't find me, or you'll notice I changed my URL. Instead of n3rd-tac0, it's _**panici-at-the-disco dot tumblr dot com**_. Message me, be my friend, reblog my selfies (please), and look through hilarious multi-fandom shit, such as SuperWhoLock, Hetalia, and that's it that's everything don't judge me.

**Can'tTakeTheSky**: Here it is, sorry about the cliffhanger ;3 It's because I love you.

**Mandaar**: I promised smut. Said nothing about it being real smut! But in all seriousness, it was just too early in the relationship and Gilbert's just not the type to immediately fuck. And yup, Mommy Dearest is out and on the prowl, and she could strike at _**any moment**_

**Elizaveta Hedervary**: yOU are a problem solver that's what you are

**sukiwilliam**: smut is always a good thing to wake up to. It's a proven fact I just made up. And Omg, I hope everything turns out okay with your situation. Lots of love from me!

**kullotte**: Thank you so much! It means a lot to hear that. Here's another chapter for you! And that's really impressive ouo7 And yes, Matthew had to put his problems on the back burner for Gilbert. And now that Gilbert's in the healing process (there'll be more of that later), and Matthew's problems are being shoved in his face again, he has to approach them and figure things out in his own head, even though he doesn't want to.

**EvilMidget6**: Your name makes me incredibly happy. And I'm glad I catered to the needs of my readers with my sneaky ninja smut. Mattie's mother hasn't quite been let out. She broke out to exact revenge. And even with evil bitch mom on the loose, they still have their moments and if anything, this will bring them closer together. Probably. Never know, what with me changing the plot all the freaking time.

**spiritualnekohime4**: FOR PLOT SON THINK OF THE PLOT. And I agree, let's put on scary costumes and masks and throw rocks at her.


	12. Chapter 12

Shocked gasps echoed through the hallway, wide eyes following the couple without shame. One of the boys at the end of the blatant looks blushed and tried to pull away, unsure how to feel with all the stares, but the other held tightly and grinned with pride, meeting every gaze without batting an eye.

"We're just holding hands... Why are they so surprised?" Matthew whispered, and Gilbert remained silent, squeezing Matthew's hand instead as he pulled the shorter boy to his locker.

"They're not staring at us," Gilbert said distractedly as he pulled books from his backpack and swapped them for new ones. He acted as if he hadn't said anything surprising or confusing, but Matthew was a bit frazzled. Who were they staring at if not them?

Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Gilbert interrupted with, "They're staring at you." The silver-haired boy grabbed Matthew's chin and pecked his lips lightly, slinging his backpack over his shoulder with a grunt and slamming the locker door shut with a firm _bang_. "You know how people are, babe. No one ever really notices you... But now you're with me, and people are starting to notice. So they'll probably stare for the rest of the day, maybe a little tomorrow, but that's it."

That just made it worse, knowing that they were specifically looking at _him. _And, honestly, Matthew preferred to go unnoticed, but he supposed it didn't matter. "I... I guess I see your point," he admitted, frowning as he glanced nervously around the crowded halls. Eyes met his cautious gaze, every pair filled with questions, and Matthew ducked his head back down, not even realizing that he'd taken a step closer to Gilbert.

A warm, happy chuckle vibrated out from Gilbert's chest, and Matthew immediately felt a little better simply from the noise. The Prussian boy wrapped an arm around Matthew's waist and kissed his hair, hitching his backpack up when it started to fall. "Come on, Birdie, let's get going. I think we're being given those dolls today in Parenting. You're going to look so cute as a little Mama~"

This had been an ongoing discussion ever since they'd been told about the dolls they had to care for; Gilbert firmly believed that Matthew would be a Mama. Matthew usually didn't mind, but he always tried to get in something like: "I'm not a Mama, I'm a Papa," Matthew grumbled, though he wasn't particularly upset.

"But think about how cute you'd look, no, how _sexy _you'd look, with your belly all big and round with our kid, needing my help just to get up off a chair, wanting to cuddle, needing your feet rubbed, asking for weird foods..." Gil's voice trailed off with a sigh, eyes far away and a content smile on his lips.

Matthew stared in shock at him for almost a full minute before giggling; it was almost like Gilbert had a weird fetish for pregnancy. "Gil, do you maybe want kids some day?"

"Maybe a little," Gilbert admitted with a slight pink tint to his face, coughing awkwardly.

The Canadian boy only stood up on his tiptoes, pulling Gilbert down by his shirt, and kissed his lips lightly; not something he liked to do in public, but Gilbert was just being too adorable for Mattie to stop himself. "You can be cute sometimes," he said softly, their foreheads resting together. Gilbert leaned in for another kiss, head tilting just slightly to the left-

"Holy shit, look at the love birds!" Lovina shouted, and Antonio frowned at her from his place at her side, giving her hand a gentle tug.

"Lovina, we're going to be late," Antonio said insistently, but his new girlfriend obviously couldn't care less and she pulled rudely away from him to approach the other new couple at the school.

Matthew, a little uncomfortable with his boyfriend's ex- well, he wasn't sure what exactly she had been, but they'd done stuff and he wasn't particularly fond of her. He shifted on his feet, and Gilbert began straightening out to his full height.

"Matthew," Lovina said, and Gilbert and Mattie both tensed a little. "I'm really happy for you guys." Oh. They relaxed. "And Gilbert, thank you for... What you said the other day." Lovina didn't seem like the type to just hand out compliments like this, so they both made enthusiastic sounds of thanks and gratitude in response, lacking anything else to say. Antonio leaned down and kissed Lovina's hair, only to go a little pale, eyes squeezed shut.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't elbow me there next time," Antonio wheezed, and Matthew and Gilbert looked down to see Lovina's elbow still digging into the Spaniard's groin. The couple winced, while Lovina shrugged.

"Don't surprise me next time, idiot," she grumbled, turning around and shoving the still wincing boy out of her way. "Now come on, we'll be late to class."

Gilbert waited until the two were out of earshot before he chuckled. "She's his problem now," he said softly, and Matthew tried not to laugh, not wanting to be mean even though she wasn't even there.

The couple made it to Parenting just as the bell rang, scurrying to their shared desk and sitting down while the teacher frowned at them.

"Cutting it rather close, aren't we?" He asked, but Matthew flashed him a shy smile and he immediately softened, smiling in return. Gilbert watched with a smug smile, sneakily finding Matthew's hand beneath the desk and lacing their fingers together.

"You have him wrapped around your finger," he murmured, and Matthew immediately began shaking his head, embarrassed. It wasn't his fault that teachers liked him; he was quiet and did his work, and he always made sure to say hello and be polite.

"No, no, that's not it... All I did was smile..."

Gilbert smiled fondly, brushing his thumb across Matthew's knuckles to calm him down so he wouldn't get embarrassed. "It's not a bad thing, babe," he whispered. Matthew sighed quietly and flashed Gil a smile, gently pulling his hand away as the teacher began passing out papers.

"Today, you will receive the dolls we've been talking about. Remember, these things are really freaking expensive. If you break the baby, you will be charged a few hundred dollars in a fine. But as long as you treat the baby as if it were real, it should be fine. Does anyone have any questions before I start explaining how they work? No? Okay, one person from each household can go to the back of the classroom to pick out their child. They have different features, and I'll give you extra credit if you can snag one that appears genetically similar to an offspring you and your partner could make." The second the teacher stopped talking, one couple from each table got up to get a baby. Gilbert left Matthew to wait, kissing the top of his head before joining the crowd to grab a baby.

The Prussian boy easily made his way to the front of the crowd, picking a child with light blonde hair and dark blue eyes, which was as close to Matthew's eyes as he could get. Purple eyes weren't common enough for the dolls to have them. He brought his new baby back to Matthew and immediately began to sniffle and tremble a little in mock awe. "Look, Birdie... This is our son. W-would you like to hold him?"

Matthew giggled at Gilbert's theatrics and snagged the robotic baby from him, holding it protectively to his chest. They'd gotten a blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby boy that would cry and eat and shit and sleep like a real child for a week. Lovely.

The teacher chose a few students to begin handing out the baby carriers, letting the 'couples' pick out colors. Matthew and Gilbert got a light green carrier, because Matthew didn't want to, 'expose his child to gender stereotypes'.

"It's a doll, Mattie."

"Jared will not be exposed to mindless stereotypes, Gilbert."

"Mattie, Jared is a doll. A. Doll."

"I'm practicing for when I do have a baby some day," Matthew said with a sniff, sticking his nose up in the air and looking away from Gilbert in an offended manner.

Gilbert laughed softly, putting his hand on Matthew's knee. "Babe, when we adopt a kid someday way, _way _in the future, we can protect it from stereotypes all we want. But, this is a doll."

"You're no fun at all," Matthew finally huffed. Their chairs were so close that he hardly had to bend to lean against Gilbert's chest, tilting his head back to nuzzle his neck. Gilbert tried not to let his surprise show; Matthew wasn't really one for public displays of affection, especially in a little class like this where it would draw attention.

"You okay, Birdie?" Gilbert asked hesitantly, wrapping his arms around Matthew's waist and pulling him into his lap. Matthew curled up into him and kissed his jaw, looping his arms around his neck.

"Yeah, I guess I am," he mumbled, and Gilbert sighed.

"What's the matter, then?" He whispered, ignoring the looks they were getting. Most of them were happy, adoring looks, almost like Matthew and Gilbert were too cute for anyone to handle. But a few were disapproving, even hateful. The teacher was the former, looking at them like he wanted to wrap them up and put a bow on them.

"I never got this," Matthew mumbled. "This domestic stuff... I never got this as a kid. And that kinda makes me want it now. Not _now, _but... Someday. I want this, Gil. I never got it on the child end, and I just really want this someday from the parent end. I want to be a dad and be married and live in the cute little house in the suburbs. Y'know?"

Gilbert tried to hide his smile; Matthew was just too cute, really. "Birdie, you're not even sixteen yet... You've gotta while to go. But I promise you, one day, when we're in our twenties and we've got stable jobs and a house and enough money, I'll give you anything you could ask for. Kids, that house in the suburbs, the mini-van, anything you want. You'll be a wonderful dad someday, Mattie. We both will be. But there's no use craving that right now, not at this age. You've still got ten years at least."

Matthew slowly nodded, sliding back into his own chair. Gilbert thought he had said the wrong thing for a moment, but then Matthew leaned over and kissed his cheek, smiling gratefully at him. "Thank you, Gil... Ready for sleepless nights and migraines?"

Gilbert grinned. "Always!" He cheered, taking the robotic child from Matthew. The teacher cleared his throat from the front of the classroom, gaining everyone's attention.

"Okay, let's talk about how these little bastards work," the teacher began. "I will come around with a little stick. The stick is magnetic and will activate the dolls, turning them on. They'll be asleep when I turn them on, but they will wake up if you jostle them, make too much noise, or if their sleep cycle ends. They'll want food, or they might not be hungry. If they aren't hungry, feeding them won't make them stop crying. You'll have to soothe your child by rocking them. Each child is programmed differently, so rocking back and forth will soothe one child but irritate another. You have to learn what your individual child enjoys and dislikes, such as food, movements, sounds, and the likes. Any questions?"

A girl in the back raised her hand, and the teacher called on her with a comforting smile. "The dolls will cry at any time of the day, correct? Even when we're sleeping or in other classes?"

"Correct. The dolls are always on and are always ready to ruin your day. Have a fun week. Any other questions?" No one raised their hands, so he got a thin, long stick and began going around the tables and activating the children. One by one, the dolls turned on and the class went silent, not wanting to wake their babies so soon.

The teacher, Mr. Simmons, made his way to their table and activated their child. Matthew held his breath as the child began making very life-like breathing sounds, robotic eyes closing. The dolls were... Very realistic. Almost creepily so. Gilbert stared with wide eyes at the doll before flashing the teacher a small smile.

The newfound 'parents' took turns holding the child throughout the day. Twice the baby, whom Matthew had named Jared, began to cry in the middle of class, and they had to go out into the hallway to soothe it or feed it, or go to the bathroom and change its diaper. They always went in pairs, never alone, and they found that they worked quite effectively as a team.

Even at lunch, the baby wailed and cried its robotic lungs out and they had to take turns soothing it (it wasn't hungry or wet, so it was just fussy) while the other ate. Matthew had discovered that their child preferred being cradled upright with its head on his shoulder while he swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet. If it wasn't held and rocked in exactly that way, it took a lot longer to calm it down. So Matthew soothed and shushed it while Gilbert ate his pizza, and when he'd eaten, he took the baby from Matthew so Mattie could eat too. All day they did this; the baby always got fussy just before class started because the halls were too noisy for it to sleep.

The couple did well together, sharing sweet kisses and happy, content looks, still in their honeymoon phase. And the baby would only be there for a week, anyway, and how hard could it be?

...

"No, Matthew, it's _your _turn," Gilbert snarled, turning onto his side away from Matthew and the crying robotic little shit. Matthew sucked in a breath, anger radiating off him enough to make Gilbert shiver.

"Don't you _dare _talk to me like that!" Matthew yelled, only upsetting the doll more; it reacted badly to loud noises. "I work my ass off and I deserve a little respect from your sorry ass!"

"Oh, _my _sorry ass? No, _you're _the sorry ass!" Gilbert finally sat up, throwing the blankets off the bed and turning the lamp on. It was three in the morning, and it was only their second night with the baby. He hadn't imagined it ever being this hard... "You're always complaining about me never helping, but when was the last time you changed this thing's diaper? Huh? Never? I deserve to get a little sleep, Matthew!"

Matthew eyes welled up with tears, and he ran out of the room without another word. Sometimes, Gilbert forgot that Matthew wasn't... Strong. He acted strong, but just the littlest things broke him down into an emotional mess. Gilbert often forgot that Matthew had been raised in a broken home, what with how normal Matthew acted now. He'd come out of his shell, began to laugh louder, smile wider. But then Gilbert said one wrong thing and everything crumbled down, the glass walls Matthew had managed to build would shatter.

The albino boy got out of bed, picking up the crying doll, and copying what he'd seen Mattie do: hold the baby to his shoulder, rock back and forth on his feet. Soon, the baby had hushed and gone back to sleep, and Gilbert set it down in the little basket they had stuffed full of blankets.

Now, to soothe Matthew.

Guilt ate at the edges of Gilbert's mind; he'd been pretty mean. He hadn't meant to... They were both so tired, and the sound of the recorded crying baby was driving him crazy. They hadn't even kissed since the day they'd _gotten _the baby. He could hear Matthew's sobs in his bedroom, which they'd pretty much abandoned in favor of Gilbert's bigger one. Matthew really only kept his clothes in there, and even those were mostly in Gilbert's room.

"Mattie..? Mattie, please... I'm so sorry," Gilbert said softly, voice breaking when he heard Matthew's sob get a little louder. "I didn't mean anything, babe... I'm just tired, that's all. We both are, and that baby is driving us crazy..." The door unlocked, but there was no other sound beside Matthew's sobs. Gilbert took that as a sign to enter, so he opened the door and found Matthew curled on his side in the middle of the bed, knees to his chest while he cried.

The Prussian crawled on to the bed and pulled Matthew against his chest, lying on his side to spoon behind Matthew. "Birdie? Birdie, I _am _sorry..."

Matthew wriggled away from Gilbert's arms, and Gilbert immediately let go, thinking he wanted space, but instead Matthew turned to face Gilbert and snuggled into his chest. "I know, I know you didn't mean it," he rasped. "We're both tired and grumpy..." He didn't want to say anything about the chord that had been struck. _All you do is complain, you lazy shit, _his mother's voice whispered. Gilbert's voice said practically the same thing. _You're always complaining about me never helping, but when was the last time you changed this thing's diaper? _Matthew tried not to sob, but it came out anyway. He hid his face in Gilbert's shirt.

The shirt itself was a sign that they weren't okay in their relationship; Gilbert never slept with a shirt on because he knew Matthew liked to admire his chest and cuddle into him. Now they slept with a foot of space between them, fully clothed without any contact, and neither of them liked it at all. They weren't very far into their relationship, just a few days as an official couple... But they were already too distanced for Matthew's likings.

Hadn't even kissed... Matthew tilted his head up, eyes pleading, and Gilbert immediately pressed their lips together. The kiss was chaste and dry, but it was a kiss, and Matthew felt a lot better because of it.

"I'm tired, Gil," Matthew said hoarsely, voice soft. His eyelids drooped the slightest bit.

"I know. I am, too... Let's go back to bed, yeah?"

Matthew nodded tiredly, sitting up and tugging Gilbert off the bed. He led his boyfriend back to their bedroom, yawning and struggling to keep his eyes open. Now that things had been settled, at least for now, he allowed himself to relax. Soon, the two were in bed, Gilbert's shirt discarded on the floor, cuddled beneath the sheets. Matthew burrowed his face in Gilbert's hair, Gilbert's nose against Matthew's neck.

The baby stayed silent.

**Author's Note: **Hey, sorry for the wait. I've been busy with school starting and all that. I'll try not to let it happen again.

So, um, yeah. Thanks for sticking with me. I've been a bit of an emotional mess these past few weeks. I was really excited for this program I might get to go on, but the tuition is like, $4,000 plus $2,000 for airfare; it's a community service program in South America, to the Galapagos Islands, and I was super excited because I made a deal with my aunt that she'd pay for half and I'd work it off at her restaurant when I got back, and my grandparents promised to match what I raised... But then my grandparents just told me a few hours ago that they didn't think I was serious, so I still have to raise around $3,000 to go. And I can't get a job, and it has to be done within three months... It just isn't happening, really.

I set up a donations page, but honestly, I can't see anyone donating, and god I'm just really upset right now. I got my hopes all up because it was all worked out, and then it just got yanked out from under me.

So... Here's the donations page: www .gofund me 4m f478

And my Tumblr: panici-at-the-disco dot tumblr dot com

Donate, get the word out, ask around, i dunno, this is really a last resort. Thank you guys for waiting for me to update without getting mad.


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